Jennifer's Recovery Log

awesome Jennifer, I love that part with the egret...such experiences always happen outside the city or indoors! Ive never heard of geocaching before, but that sounds really fun. Stay warm up there!

thanks amazoniac, ive read a good amount on Chinese medicine but haven't got into it as much as I have other things...I suspect theres a lot of commonalities because we're all people living in the same world at the end of the day, and anyone with an open mind and who is sensitive and dedicated will probably arrive at similar conclusions after having much experience

I love the traditional Chinese culture...its incredibly fascinating and the part if like the most is how respectful and appreciative of nature they are, and how they stay youthful in attitude no matter how old. Theres so much to talk about, experience, and learn from them. And theyre extremely polite

Yes..
The issue with some people thinking that it's quackery, in my opinion, is because they rarely describe mechanisms clearly. Rather, they are in tune with their bodies and make observations in vague terms, like flow, heat and energy..

Jennifer said:

It took the tech 30 minutes just to find the blood test codes in the computer. She had to call for help on the test for whole blood serotonin. In the process, I found out that I wasn't suppose to have any bananas, avocado, coffee, tea or pineapple for at least 3 days prior to taking the test.

Click to expand...

Interesting. I know pineapple and bananas have high serotonin, and I know avocado is a no go on many levels. But why is coffee on that list?

If those things can raise serotonin enough to mess with the tests, yikes.

Thank you, Amazoniac! :) Yes, I'm sure I'll laugh and cringe years later when I look back at my log.

And I understand what you're saying. I honestly wouldn't want to completely live in the mindset of a child anyway. Most of us have lived far too much life to ever really be in that mindset at all times. I'd say this is just as much a positive as it is a negative. Can you imagine all the things you would forgo because it didn't fit a childlike mind? I'd probably still be stuck in bed for fear of what lay beneath ready to grab me as soon as I set foot on the floor.

I've seen many quote Nietzsche so I'll have to take a stab at reading his work sometime. I imagine it's a lot like Shakespeare where you don't have to understand even half of his writing to realize it's brilliant?

But I too have a book that changed my life. Dying To Be Me by Anita Moorjani. She's more my speed. I don't need a dictionary to understand her, but her story and message are incredible none the less.

Thanks, pboy! Mother Nature is currently giving me a run for my money, but I'm trying my best to stay warm. :)

Charlie, yeah, I questioned the same thing about the coffee and wondered how chocolate didn't make the list too, at that point. I'll ask tomorrow and see if they have an explanation for coffee messing with serotonin values.

So it's been an interesting 5 days. We lost power Wednesday afternoon and this makes the fourth year we lose it, except this time we got it back in under a week and we managed to make it past October before succumbing to a blackout. This is the reason my dog, Bee developed a slightly disturbing love affair with his fleece jammies. After that first frigid year without power, he's more than happy to put those suckers on. And it's times like these when I'm thankful for the ton of camping gear I've collected over the years. A Coleman stove, MSR Pocket Rockets, sleeping bags rated for minus degree temps ect.

This is what I woke to Thursday morning. Couldn't flip the pic, but it goes right side up when clicked on:


Despite all this, my family and I still managed to have a Thanksgiving meal. We celebrated at my grandmother's apartment in the city where she had power. My brother made his incredible brined turkey tenderloins wrapped in bacon. I guess that would make it a turcon? Sort of like a turducken, only better because it has bacon. It's so juicy and flavorful it doesn't require a drop of gravy. Though he did make an apple cider gravy to go with it that was pretty killer.

To occupy time, I made my way through my DVD collection. For TV series' I went with Northern Exposure. I personally enjoyed episode two's plot from season one which centered around Ed's uncle living with prostate cancer. He's a traditional American Indian medicine man and teaches Dr. Joel Fleischman to dance because he says it's healing. Heck yeah it's healing!

I also watched a bunch of movies like the classic Joe Versus the Volcano. Hypochondriac Joe is told he has a terminal illness known as a brain cloud. I think I have that too! Hehe! And I would love it if I were contacted to be a sacrificial lamb for the natives of a little island in the South Pacific. If it gets me some place warm instead of this frozen *ahem*, I would gladly jump into a volcano. He got a nice set of luggage out of it too. Who wouldn't want four steamer trunks that can sub as a life raft?

Diet wise I've been eating some dairy again, along with chocolate and gummybears because cooking was a bit challenging. I'm at the point that if I never see another gummybear again, it'll be too soon. But I did realize something. I don't dislike all chocolate, just dark chocolate. I ate a lot of Alter Echo toffee bars. They're addicting!

Tomorrow is round two of blood work. Hopefully this time I can stay conscious and the lab won't keep me hostage for over an hour. I mean, I get it! People have a hard time letting me go, what with my infectious personality and bizarre humor at inappropriate times, but I'd hope to meet under better circumstances than bloodletting. Just saying!

I had picked out a Thanksgiving feast worth of music to help get you all in the holiday spirit, but the universe apparently didn't like my song choices (I think the Nicki Minaj's song was too much) so quite a few towns in New Hampshire paid the price. Sorry my fellow Granite Staters. My bad!

This was the buffet of songs:

Wild Turkey by Lacy J. Dalton
Gravy by Dee Dee Sharp
Do you love me by Contours- they mention doing the mash potato
Dreams by The Cranberries
Yams by Nicki Minaj - uses colorful language

Okay, yeah, that was really bad!

Anyhow, I would like to thank all the men and women who worked around the clock to bring us our power back. I'm dedicating tonight's songs to you:

Electric Youth by Debbie Gibson:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lqAOB143KqY

Power Of Love by Huey Lewis and The News:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RuyCfv2Uhts

Electric Blue by Icehouse:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eSxmtivj_Gs

Charlie said:

Jennifer said:

It took the tech 30 minutes just to find the blood test codes in the computer. She had to call for help on the test for whole blood serotonin. In the process, I found out that I wasn't suppose to have any bananas, avocado, coffee, tea or pineapple for at least 3 days prior to taking the test.

Click to expand...

Interesting. I know pineapple and bananas have high serotonin, and I know avocado is a no go on many levels. But why is coffee on that list?

If those things can raise serotonin enough to mess with the tests, yikes.

Click to expand...

Maybe the coffee lowers serotonin enough to mess with the tests, and that's why they want a test without it artificially lowered? Peat has definitely said bananas and pineapples raise it enough to be an issue for people sensitive to it.

Hi, Jennifer!

I've never seen snow, can you believe it? It's so distant from my reality and all of the places I've been to..

Beyond Good and Evil is really impressive, it's written in a more objective way rather than stories with an underlying purpose that build up and reveal it. It's almost like a collection of random thoughts that were put together in categories. The title of the book is really appropriate since you don't feel anything by the end, it frees you up from a lot of conditioning. If I had to choose one philosophy book to recommend, it would be this one, followed by The Marriage of Heaven and Hell by William Blake. They seem to agree with a lot of things. The second one has a different language, full of analogies but both of them are very subtle and not afraid of insulting/critizing what needs to be.

Leos Janacek

Cunning Little Vixen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a79nSbmy69U

Kreutzer Sonata
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sc-DZWoU52E

Amazoniac said:

Hi, Jennifer!

I've never seen snow, can you believe it? It's so distant from my reality and all of the places I've been to..

Click to expand...

Oh wow! Then you'd probably get a kick out of seeing and experiencing it for the first time.

What I'd really like to see "in real life" is ocean water as crystal blue as an aquamarine gemstone.

Amazoniac said:

Beyond Good and Evil is really impressive, it's written in a more objective way rather than stories with an underlying purpose that build up and reveal it. It's almost like a collection of random thoughts that were put together in categories. The title of the book is really appropriate since you don't feel anything by the end, it frees you up from a lot of conditioning. If I had to choose one philosophy book to recommend, it would be this one, followed by The Marriage of Heaven and Hell by William Blake. They seem to agree with a lot of things. The second one has a different language, full of analogies but both of them are very subtle and not afraid of insulting/critizing what needs to be.

Leos Janacek

Cunning Little Vixen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a79nSbmy69U

Kreutzer Sonata
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sc-DZWoU52E

Click to expand...

Those sound great! I'll check them out. Thank you! :)

Today's blood redraw went without a hitch. I got the same tech who checked me in the last time. She told me she was worried when she saw the mess up with my last test and thought she might of put the codes in wrong, but she hadn't. It came down to my serotonin and lactic acid tests not being kept on ice and immediately sent out to the lab for testing. I was actually kind of happy I was back there because I got a little flashback moment while I was waiting for the phlebotomist to come in the room that reminded me of how far I've come in these past five years.

A sweet woman in her late sixties walked by me and was seated in the room next to me. I heard her mention while passing by that she was diagnosed with osteoporosis. She told the tech who was escorting her to the room that she was surprised to learn she had it because she thought only small females developed it. Meanwhile the tech told her that she too had it and said it was because of smoking. She mentioned that she started carrying around cans of soup when she walked because she was told the extra weight would help her to build bone.

This is what I did when I was relearning how to walk. I started out carrying one pound soup cans or books because I was too weak to handle anymore weight than that. I would read health and science books and not only did they provide extra weight, they also distracted me from the pain. Looking back now, I'm not sure at what point I no longer had to hold on to walls or counters to keep me upright. Somehow I no longer needed their help.

It reminds me of when I was hiking. For as long as I could remember, I had been terrified of heights. I was ten years old and still crawling down the open flight of stairs at my grandmother's house. No lie! But after years of hiking, in the dead of winter, crawling up rock scrambles covered in ice or balancing along open ledges, I remember being hit one day with the realization that I no longer coward from the vast heights. Somewhere along the way, my fear fell away without notice.

One of my friends from hiking had developed a paralyzingly fear of heights and my brother and I met up with him one day while he was stuck on the side of a cliff along a huge ravine in the White Mountains. We kept talking to him, trying to distract him while we helped him down. I remember him looking at me and saying "how are you able to do this? Aren't you afraid of these heights?" That was when I realized that my fear was gone.

I had hoped that these past 5 years would follow much like my years of hiking. Improvements that gradually snuck up on me until one day I'd be hit with the realization that my body was no longer broken. I may feel less than ideal right now, but I can say with certainty that my mindset is different from where it was five years ago.

My beliefs were much different back then. It took me a good two years to truly believe that it was even possible for me to be healthy again. Our beliefs are a powerful thing. For me, it's not about brainwashing myself into believing, but to know deep inside that anything is possible and that starts with my believing anything is possible. Five years ago, my mother held that belief for me when I hadn't yet believed it for myself. She saw me walking and climbing mountains again. She was the only one, but I only needed one person to believe in me. Just one person believing in another person can mean the world to them. The goal would be to eventually believe in ourselves, but until then, having someone else believe in us can get us to that point where we can finally take over the reins.

Anyhow, it was a good reality check that even though I'm not quite where I want to be, I'm at least thankful I'm no longer where I once was.

Tonight's song is a song I've listened to on a weekly basis over these past five+ years:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1k8craCGpgs

Jennifer said:

Five years ago, my mother held that belief for me when I hadn't yet believed it for myself. She saw me walking and climbing mountains again. She was the only one, but I only needed one person to believe in me. Just one person believing in another person can mean the world to them. The goal would be to eventually believe in ourselves, but until then, having someone else believe in us can get us to that point where we can finally take over the reins.

Click to expand...

Go your Mum! :)

Hi Jennifer! I've never seen that either. Snow on distant mountain tops and like twice in my life a tiny dusting that made headlines. I've seen the crystal water though and your words gave me a deep hunger to see it again, soon. It's my birthday tomorrow and Christmas coming and I feel such rejection for the materialism and consumer frenzy. I just want my family healthy and well, my parents ( 86 and 82) to keep going strong, my friends with cancer to get better, our holiday in the mountains ( no snow expected though) and that water you mentioned. Thanks for being one of the people whose values and spirit inspire me.

tara said:

Jennifer said:

Five years ago, my mother held that belief for me when I hadn't yet believed it for myself. She saw me walking and climbing mountains again. She was the only one, but I only needed one person to believe in me. Just one person believing in another person can mean the world to them. The goal would be to eventually believe in ourselves, but until then, having someone else believe in us can get us to that point where we can finally take over the reins.

Click to expand...

Go your Mum! :)

Click to expand...

Haha! Yeah, my mum is the best!

sueq said:

Hi Jennifer! I've never seen that either. Snow on distant mountain tops and like twice in my life a tiny dusting that made headlines. I've seen the crystal water though and your words gave me a deep hunger to see it again, soon. It's my birthday tomorrow and Christmas coming and I feel such rejection for the materialism and consumer frenzy. I just want my family healthy and well, my parents ( 86 and 82) to keep going strong, my friends with cancer to get better, our holiday in the mountains ( no snow expected though) and that water you mentioned. Thanks for being one of the people whose values and spirit inspire me.

Click to expand...

Ooh...you've experienced that crystal water, sueq!? I'll have to live vicariously through you then. I'd love to know what it's like. I imagine the water sparkles on the surface?

Most of my hikes done in the winter after a fresh dusting of snow, left fields of glitter as far as the eye can see. And where I grew up, right after a huge snowstorm, the world became peacefully silent. The cars would stay parked and kids would flock to the streets to play in the snow and the snow really acted like a buffer to the sound. Though, as much as I love a good ride down a hill of snow in a sled or a mountain covered in glitter, I'm still a water baby at heart and much prefer a good swim. :)

I, like you, just want my family, friends and everyone else healthy and going strong. I'm sorry to hear you have friends living with cancer. Anita Moorjani's book Dying To Be Me, the one I mentioned to Amazoniac, is all about her near death experience after she went into a coma and her organs shut down from end stage cancer, then her miraculous and unexplainable (medically speaking) healing after she came out of it.

Though her experience is specific to cancer, I found her message to be universal. There's absolutely no religious undertone to it so I think this gives her story more relatability to all walks of life. I found her book back when I was at my worst and got curious because she mentioned dying on February 2nd, my birthday. With the day of my birth being the day of her death/rebirth, it seemed quite fitting and her story mirrored mine in so many ways and I believe it does for many people. Her main message of being authentic, compassionate, loving and accepting of ourselves seems obvious, but those our things we often deny ourselves because we don't want to feel like we're being selfish. Anyhow, I just thought I'd mention it. It's such an inspiring book, especially for those currently facing major life struggles.

You always have such kind words to say and I really appreciate them, sueq! :) I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your family and get a chance to get back to that crystal blue water very soon. And pre Happy Birthday to you!

This thread is so interesting......thank you Jennifer, and all you other other contributors, for such thought provoking and stimulating posts.

Really great!

Thanks, bluewren! I'm glad you're enjoying the thread. It's been great being able to converse with everyone and share thoughts. :)

Tonight's log is short, but sweet and hopefully inspiring.

I mentioned my mom's support in my last log and I wanted to add that my dad is amazing too! He's the poster child for the "silent type," but I know he believes in me.

Below is a link to a video that my dad sent me way back when I first got hurt. Just to recap for those who missed it...all the doctors/specialists told me I would never get better, but that they would try to preserve me as is and hope I didn't get worse "than the vegetable I had become" blah, blah, blah! The words in quotations are my own colorful description of the state I was in at the time given that I couldn't even stand, with every attempt resulting in me collapsing to the floor.

I've saved the video all this time and I think it speaks volumes that my dad, just like my mom, supports my efforts and I hope anyone who sees this will understand, not only how thankful I am for all your support, but why I keep saying that just believing in someone can change their life and once he/she can believe in himself/herself, LOOK OUT!

I dare you guys not to get even a little farklemt after seeing this video:

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=392728530802963

Thank you Jennifer! The water I'm talking about it is tropical - it's more like glass - totally clear. The clarity and warmth is so close to body heat and the temperature and transparency of the air that you lose the sensation of being in another medium and it feels and looks like floating in the air. Your physical boundaries become less defined . Out a bit deeper it's those gorgeous turquoise and aquamarine colours. The best way to swim in this water is alone at sunset when the horizon itself also loses its clear boundary -nature and sky and sea are separated only by slightly different shades of blues. So you're not sure where anything begins or ends.

Thank you for sharing, sueq. That sounds amazing! I will definitely have to experience it for myself one of these days as I can only imagine how freeing it must feel to be in that water during those seemingly magical twilight hours.

So today I was looking at Lindsay's link on how to make cottage cheese on sueq's almost fat-free experiment thread and I remembered the time I pick up some raw milk at the farmer's market. The owner Max, of Benedikt Farm, mentioned that the older generations use to leave raw milk on the counter and let it naturally curdle to make cottage cheese. Being the purest that I was, I thought it was a brilliant idea! I mean, I made my own raw milk countertop yogurt with special cultures from all over the word and it wasn't terrible. It sort of thickened. :? So what could be more easy and natural then letting milk curdle on a counter? I did pause to question that thought for a moment and remembered a scene from Family Matters where Steve Urkel takes milk and lets it sour and curdle to make cheese and let's just say, people weren't so fond of it. But then I thought...hey, that was from pasteurized milk, not raw.

Now, Max did warn me that it has a "unique" flavor and might be more of an acquired taste. After 2 1/2 weeks of being on the counter and finally developing a sort of curdle, I decided I had waited long enough for that cheesy deliciousness. The verdict? I should of let it sit on the counter till it fossilized. If you've acquire a taste for manure then you'll love it because that's exactly what it smelled and I imagine, tastes like. It was one of the most awful things I have ever tasted. It haunts me to this day. Okay, I'm slightly exaggerating, but honestly, for me it's right up there with liver. I've tried all those recipes that supposedly make it taste good and have soaked the liver in raw milk over night, but all the soaking, caramelized onions or dates in the world don't make it tolerable to me. Cake (gummybear) mentioned in his liver recipe thread about drinking a beer. Maybe I should try drinking a lot of them till I'm plastered and then I won't even remember eating the liver.

So with all that said, I decided to check out the farm's website and facebook page. Apparently, they are now located in my own back yard less than five minutes away. It's a 100% grass-fed pasture based farm and they have dairy, eggs and meat shares. So I would no longer need to drive 45+ minutes to Sunnyfield Farm in Peterborough to pick up two weeks worth of milk and store it my freezer. Though, I really am sentimentally attached to that farm, but not in a creepy clingy kind of way. It's hard to be when they're so far away and refuse to give me their number. Hehe! But then, I can't tolerate much milk at this point anyway. Such a shame too with all these amazing biodynamic grassed-based farms around me that are, most importantly to me, extremely humane and caring towards their animals.

On the Benedikt Farm's facebook page they had this beauty of a cream separator pictured, along with a link for where to get them. This so beats the turkey baster method. It would look wonderful next to my unused, but well dusted Vitamix:

http://hoeggerfarmyard.com/xcart/Milky- ... rator.html

Other than that, I've been slightly overwhelmed with getting all these tests done, then redone and then actually getting all the test results. I'll explain Saturday when I finally have all my results in hand and can hopefully get everyone's opinion on what they think. But I'll just say that I'm certain now that God has been blocking my calls lately and has now killed my phone completely as I have no service. Pboy, if you're reading this, you got some splainin to do!

For tonight's songs, I've been doing more easy listening the past week and these are a few I keep replaying:

Ortopilot - Make You Feel My Love:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sv2tHHAdfbQ

Smokey Robinson & The Miracles - Tracks Of My Tears:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rNS6D4hSQdA

Jessie Ware - Say you love me

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DAMM8JVbr8g

Jessie J - Personal

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CC3yjGPoauk