Wow-what A Difference!

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caroline

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I AM IN!!! I got in to the program of my dreams! I am just thrilled! And SO SO SO SO SO SO GRATEFUL! I found out this morning. I don't want to say which one because it seems not nice to do that, but it was my top choice. I am absolutely thrilled. Definitely will want to keep working on my statistics knowledge as well as other aspects where I feel I need to brush up. YAY! I AM JUST DELIGHTED!!!!!
 
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caroline

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Well said. I can relate.
Yes, I am continuing to move toward being grateful to learn and this removes this fear/panic aspect which is actually very ungrateful if you think about it because the focus is on demanding other than what is and being dissatisfied. I need to calm down now because I notice when I get overexcited from happy things, it seems to have a long-term negative effect so I am going to be calm and quiet now. :) And keep my sugar intake up.
 

charlie

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charlie

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Oh and congratulations! :D
 
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caroline

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Thank you, Charlie! It is a dream come true, for sure. I am THRILLED that they selected me. I feel so grateful! And now I am more motivated than ever to brush up on areas such as computer competency and definitely, stats. It's wonderful because I will be able to study my area of passion!! I would have been grateful to go anywhere because going back to school is a privilege, for sure. I feel really happy about this! I actually went downstairs and made myself another espresso concentrate, mostly milk, lots of chocolate sauce (homemade) and had more OJ. And another two aspirin with baking soda. And I am using my headphones (I like how it makes everything quiet) while I am studying. And I will do meditation, shortly. The key is being "sparing" about not spilling all my enthusiasm so that is draining. So I am working on improving this aspect.

I felt really drained for about two days after giving blood and I think part of the issue was that I did not eat NEARLY enough right after. I did have some sugarey items, etc., but not enough. And during the time I gave blood, I got really overexcited (the way I do) in talking with this young woman about tips for her application to grad school. I love seeing people do what inspires them and follow their dreams. So my point is that it was not a relaxing experience for me. Plus, I love meeting people and get really friendly. It is funny because I am very happy when I am home alone to be perfectly quiet and silent for hours upon hours but put me around people and I love hearing their stories, etc. So the important lesson that I think hit home for me, is that the sugar issue (replenishing for dropping sugar) is necessary not just for what I would consider a "negative" (i.e. worrying, fear, etc) event, but one in which overstimulation occurs due to joy, etc. So hopefully my awareness of this and meditation practice will help me to notice so I can sustain energy and encouragement toward others and myself in a much more sustainable way.
 

EIRE24

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Perky-ish? I'm nt sure what that is....I never (ha--never say never) get pimples. I get flakey skin like a lizard. If I sit there and rub on my face I get it to peel off. That sounds pretty disgusting, I am sure, but it's not like I sit and do it in public places. It seems akin to what people pay for--I forget what that's called. So I suppose the up-side is maybe it keeps my skin youthful. However, I am doing a lot more vitamin a, copper and zinc, etc. through seafood and liver. I don't mean huge doses of liver--I just mean doing this--and I am eating A LOT more sugar. And my skin appears to be much better, according to my husband. Not red anymore, etc. I am interested in seeing how light therapy will help my scalp. That is pretty much vile. Cheesey buildupish stuff. Seems much better. I did a mix of teatree, peppermint, and diluted it in water--rubbed it into my scalp and left it--didn't do that much of it. Then I put shea butter on my scalp. Scalp seems really nice and it does not smell "like a medicine ball" (what my husband said) after two days. I have it up all the time anyway so its not like people could smell it.

Sorry I meant to say peely-ish not perky-ish. Did you ever get acne or pimples in the past?
 

moss

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Totally, Moss. HOC is very modern-day Macbeth. I love it so I didn't have a judgment against it but notice that somehow with the growing consistency or dedication to have a meditation practice and going about it with a different method (just doing it without being focused on being quiet, being whatever, etc), that I seem to be more sensitive to TV. The sensitivity results in unpleasant wakeful dreams. Versus without this, I have been having this comedic (I find it comedic, at least) parable format of my dreams with very NON-subtle indicators of where I have gaps in my ability to be peaceful. Like people I have offended or bothered or resent from years ago even--their images pop up very annoyingly like some sort of yearbook picture form in my dreams. They just sit there for a while and refuse to be ignored. Then I wake up and later think, Oh, I guess I still have resentment, etc. At this point I am not trying to "cleanse" myself of the feeling or get rid of it--which I think will just create more resistance--but I just am aware of it. And that seems to bring about this feeling of noticing it is there. With people I am in contact with, it affects how I conduct my relations with them. And with those I am not, I just acknowledge that this was there and I see it for what it is. Period. And then this seems to open up more space for me to "be." It has not been on purpose and I was sort of annoyed that this was happening at first but have come to appreciate it. I am certain that it is due to the influence of listening to didactic lectures where lots of parables are used to illustrate a larger point. Thanks for your sharing as well, Moss!

Personally, I think dreams are gifts worthy of noticing and whether they are triggered by certain foods/a significant event during the day or TV viewing who knows? I have found dreams to be helpful snapshots or slideshows of unconscious bits that may require my attention. Perhaps it is the relationship between dreamer and self? The outer world that is also represented within our inner world which on occasions may need reviewing, sorting or discarding as we get healthier?
The richness of dream imagery (witty and allegoric they may be, lucky you) is all part of a vibrant canvas of you and I think perceptive on your part not to ignore, nor to try and sanitize the experience. To acknowledge dreams for what they are and perhaps there is something to learn from them, or not, and to let them go. The more we notice and the more congruent we are (in all aspects of our lives) is an immense step along the journey towards health and bringing about an integration of wholeness.

I AM IN!!! I got in to the program of my dreams! I am just thrilled! And SO SO SO SO SO SO GRATEFUL! I found out this morning. I don't want to say which one because it seems not nice to do that, but it was my top choice. I am absolutely thrilled. Definitely will want to keep working on my statistics knowledge as well as other aspects where I feel I need to brush up. YAY! I AM JUST DELIGHTED!!!!!

Well done caroline :woo
 
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caroline

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Personally, I think dreams are gifts worthy of noticing and whether they are triggered by certain foods/a significant event during the day or TV viewing who knows? I have found dreams to be helpful snapshots or slideshows of unconscious bits that may require my attention. Perhaps it is the relationship between dreamer and self? The outer world that is also represented within our inner world which on occasions may need reviewing, sorting or discarding as we get healthier?
The richness of dream imagery (witty and allegoric they may be, lucky you) is all part of a vibrant canvas of you and I think perceptive on your part not to ignore, nor to try and sanitize the experience. To acknowledge dreams for what they are and perhaps there is something to learn from them, or not, and to let them go. The more we notice and the more congruent we are (in all aspects of our lives) is an immense step along the journey towards health and bringing about an integration of wholeness.



Well done caroline :woo
Thanks for the congratulations! It means a lot! Very nice of you to say that, Moss. Also, I LOVE what you wrote about the dreams and it is auspicious, not serendipitous, that I just took a look here and saw your response as I had another VERY allegorical dream. This seems to be influenced by a lecture on motivational interviewing I was watching yesterday. The originator William Miller (although it appears he used all the concepts of Rogers and then renamed it, which is the benefit of studying approaches) was mentioning the idea of rapid change and what this looks like. He gave the example of Scrooge, and the other one--I think it was "A Christmas Story" or something like that--very famous movie with Jimmy Stewart as an allegorical example (as you mention in terms of dream interpretation) of how a person could get epiphany or recognition or awareness (call it what you like) and then change.

So early this am, I was in my lucid dreaming state where I can sort of actively participate in my dreams and I directed (odd) while dreaming to go into everything morally questionable I had ever done. So then I got a whole list of things, people, etc. And then I flashed forward to what motivates me to change--and I got to this idea of feeling that I am with my purpose and moving on my purpose. And this seemed to also be very related to this idea Miller mentioned (first discussed by Rogers) of how one appears to be more at peace (to me this translates to happiness) when their ideal and actual self are close together and that the opposite effect (the larger the gap between ideal and actual) has a negative impact on a person's state of satisfaction.

At the "end" of my dream, as though I were wrapping up a paper (have also been studying format of APA papers as I tend to get very sidetracked and ramble) the conclusion came: What I have in front of me right now is what I can work with, and I can continue to change. And I realize that what I feel I have now that I didn't have as much of before is a sense of the bigger collective supportive state of something larger and this feels like so much less effort--instead it is like it is already there. This also came from sitting yesterday with someone who is dying and while sitting silently, this insight popped up that in the same way you can tune in to the energy around you, you can tune in to any kind of knowledge--including academic, etc. This is a very different way to look at things for me. Rather than deep grasping and strain, I can put the same amount of hours in or less or more, but doing it with this attitude is very different. I also am seeing a lot of benefit from the things I am listening to--to much to read, learn, and listen to when I am studying to watch t.v. right now.
 
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caroline

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Oh, I completely forgot to write about what I was going to write about. Sidetracked. :)
New nutrition discoveries:
I started drinking Pepsi (sugar sweetened) only because I was thrifty about paying 2more cents per ounce for Mexican Cola. However, now I want to try the cola. They have both at my grocery store, but they did not have this a few months ago. First of all, I remember seeing people's comments that the Pepsi was a bit sharp and missing the vanilla flavor of Coke. Funny because these tiny cans have vanilla flavor. To be honest, I don't like it as much. I prefer a sharper taste. But what I notice is the sugar feels fantastic with the caffeine.

Also I seem to have shifted in my reaction to caffeine. I am now drinking my milky chocolatey coffee at night and sleeping fine. This is great because I am so used to the bitter or deep flavor twist from the espresso concentrate that I don't like plain sweetened milk much without it.

Also, I LOVE the soda. The only thing is that I don't want to drink from the plastic straws because they seem poisonous to me and I prefer not to spend more money buying glass straws. However, I need to rinse my mouth out immediately after drinking. Also, I really like my soda with a bunch of ice cubes which is rare. I don't like any drinks cold. I seem to be thriving on mostly liquids, and am able to do cheese again and don't seem to be constipated. We'll see. I had quite a lot of part-skim mozarella last night. Also I went back to the Whole Foods Milk Chocolate. I can't in good conscience do the TJs brand because I notice I didnt feel so good after eating their milk chocolate which has soy lecithin. I feel fine after the Whole Food's version and it's not too expensive which is good since I usually eat a whole bar each time I eat one.

Also, I am doing liver regularly--just like one ounce bites. I don't really like the lamb one very much even though it is probably better. I much prefer the calves liver so in the future, I will just get that one or maybe switch off. I freeze it after getting it after I chop it into tiny pieces and stick it in wax bags. It doesn't sit there that long so I'm not concerned about it getting frost-bite. Also, I don't want to eat more than a tiny bit at once so I am okay with the fact that it may lose some nutritional value by being frozen. Since I have to get a larger amount at once, that is my compromise--to chop it into bite size pieces and freeze it and then use it as I want.

I seem to be flourishing with much more sugar than I was doing. I feel a bit guilty about enjoying the soda. I really like it which is funny because I hated soda my whole life and especially hated anything carbonated. I would try red bull but what I read about this from people on here makes it sound like they use lots of undesirable things in it (weird starch by-products and I seem to remember other aspects like this) and also supplements I don't want. So I'll stick with the soda. Oh, I saw that someone mentioned Whole Foods has their brand of cola. I looked last night and got excited because it was much cheaper than the pepsi and the coke but it had no caffeine! Why bother? So I didn't.

Ok, I think that's it. Lies, all lies! Knew I forgot something else. I was having twitching which I thought might be due to increasing my milk consumption. When I started drinking soda it stopped. Then I added magnesium malate after researching Dan's Toxinless articles (LOVE THOSE!) and tried this. I like this a lot better. I got the powder one. It tastes fine and I only use slightly less than one scoop (shooting for 400 mg. thanks to something Haidut wrote about taking that amount) and do half a scoop in the morning and half at night. This seems to be working better for me. Also, since I am a bit of a stress-basket, I think it never hurts to be up on my niacinamide, aspirin, and magnesium.
 
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caroline

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Latest insights: Since I have added "pop" (Midwest name for it though everyone here calls it "soda"), I am doing quite well. Also, I seem (I say "seem" because you never know-things change and I"m mostly wrong more than not) to be acclimated to caffeine as I have had it several nights now right before going to sleep without issue. I have a theory that the reason why I am feeling in better spirits, less anxious, etc (have been very much so since I got into school as I am already obsessing about preparation), is that none of the fruit here-whether it is oj which I drink or fresh fruit is EVER ripe even when it appears to be so. The pop/soda whatever you want to call it is a direct way that I get lots of sugar at once. I know it is supposedly not as "healthy" but I notice everything seems to be digesting better. I have not tried the cola from Mexico yet as they were out of it yesterday. However, I had a "natural" kind--Hansen's--where I added my own caffeine and then had regular pepsi in a glass bottle which doesn't have sugar in it. This one tastes way better than the one I had with vanilla flavor. I didn't like that. This one is much "stronger" and I like it better. I remember now, actually liking Pepsi better than Coke back when I was young and drank it.

Anyway, I think the key is that I need way more sugar than I have been getting and then when I added more protein-via liver, shrimp, etc., it made it even harder to process. I am bordering on looking sort of skinny-ish now but not freaky at this point so it's okay. I have the least amount of inflammation yet. However, I must add that what motivated me to do this was that since I was admitted to the program I started waking up every day with heart pain and bad feelings. I doubted that I instantly grew a heart condition and based on the way I was feeling, assumed it was anxiety. Very much moderated since I have so many tools and practice continually with working on it. So this is what motivated me to get more sugar in me and try the Pepsi. Also I have raised the level of aspirin and niacinamide over the past few days as I want to moderate and dampen the anxiety and I remember doing this before when I was in a bad state. Also, I am convinced that super high caloric but lower fat seems to be propelling the weight loss. It seemed to have happened immediately upon upping sugar, milk, etc. I seem to do coconut oil without any problems. Also I started eating fresh mozzarella. It seems less constipating which is always an issue (parmesano is terrible for me) when I try to increase my cheese consumption. The mozzarella seems to be easier. I do NOT like the sticks that have that more gooey and waxy kind of texture. I tried those b/c Haidut had mentioned his cheese sticks, etc. but they always make me constipated. Still doing tons of gelatin. That's all for now. I think the sugar is a huge key and that I was not getting nearly enough and not long ago I was eating way more animal protein like meats, shrimp, etc. and it seems much more difficult for my system to process these things although crab, oysters, seem really easy and shrimp seems okay as well
 
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caroline

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Great increase in well-being with fairly dramatic food changes: I notice I wake up feeling energized, calm(er), and my thinking has been incredibly focused, strong, and I don't feel worn out after a day of intensive work. I waited to see if it was temporary but it has been several weeks now. My sleep is totally different--deep and heavy in a nice way and I wake up actually feeling rested. The difference is starch. Fruit wasn't cutting it alone.

I am now eating potatoes and taking B-12 (methyl form). I also cut out pretty much all meat, including seafood and oysters. When I was eating them, my breasts were sore before menstruation. Not this time. My diet is tons of potatoes (new seem to work well) that I boil then fry in the oven with some turmeric and a small bit of coconut oil. Also, I started eating plantains and I LOVE them. I find sweet potatoes unappealing. Also, I bought wheat free flour mix and made banana muffins. Bananas are still questionable. I think the fiber is really intense for me. I'll see, though because I'm going to make a new recipe. I determined that baking them is the only way they work for me. Eggs are still iffy but seem to be fine in baking. Supplements are still the same. However, I think coconut oil works VERY well for me even though I swore off it. The reason is that I ran out of butter so I used it to cook and bake and it seems to digest better. I even made oatmeal cookies with chocolate chips the other day. Also, I switched back to 2% milk. I don't digest the 1% very well.

Last, I am using lots of tomato sauce on my potatoes at times and bought various sauces that all were not very good so I made my own and today also boiled onion and garlic with the potatoes (I tend to not digest either well) and then smushed that into my pasta sauce which I made with:
tomato paste
orange juice
brown sugar
honey
hot sauce
garlic
mushrooms
onions
tiny bit of molasses
salt

Potatoes I boil and then take off skin because they are tiny and there is no way I am going to bother trying to peel them before hand or I will not have fingers left.

Also, I went to donate blood and couldn't because my iron levels were 11.5 down from 12.8 about two months ago. Pretty different--I believe that is because I am eating very little meat and doing plenty of caffeine. It is much easier for me to be relaxed. That is the biggest change I notice. I don't react in the same way and when I feel myself bothered or anxious, it is not so difficult to just ignore it and move on.

This way is MUCH MUCH cheaper to eat. It is very expensive and not very worthwhile to subsist on fruit. I am never filled up and things are rarely ripe. So much easier and cheaper to eat potatoes and I get very nice ones. I am also not bothering with cheese anymore. I honestly digest the starch much better than the cheese, the animal protein, etc. And now I don't force myself to have disgusting sweet coffee which I don't like. I just make sure I have enough starch and will only sweeten my coffee if I don't have any potatoes to eat or something I baked when I have coffee. It is unlikely that I will go back to 1% milk now that I am getting other proteins from my potatoes and mushrooms. The higher fat milk tastes a million times better to me and digests better.
 
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Birdie

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Yes, I am continuing to move toward being grateful to learn and this removes this fear/panic aspect which is actually very ungrateful if you think about it because the focus is on demanding other than what is and being dissatisfied. I need to calm down now because I notice when I get overexcited from happy things, it seems to have a long-term negative effect so I am going to be calm and quiet now. :) And keep my sugar intake up.
Good point!
 
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caroline

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Good point!
However...sometimes I do not notice I've gone down that stream until I am deep into perseverative thinking, anxiety, and cortisol effects. But better late than never, and better earlier than later!!
 
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caroline

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Latest improvements:
Can now eat eggs--egg yolks raw are easiest. Eating fancy ones b/c we live in a fancy place where I can easily get pastured, etc. Just upped to two this morning.
Can now eat potatoes without any problem. Boil them whole and then take off skins. Hated peeling them and think this removes all the nutrients.
Can eat cheese and corn tortillas without problem.
I am no longer trying to eat lower fat with mostly fruit. This is an expensive and silly way to eat. The fruit is not ripe. I am hungry 17 times a day, then. It does not fuel my brain properly for the zillion things I need to do and zillion things I need to learn and zillion things I need to conceptualize.
I now go to bed at 9:30.
I now am VOLITIONALLY exercising b/c I have lots of energy. First time in years. I don't notice being tired a week later and I also could go forever. I do yoga, sun salutations. I used to just roll on the floor.
I find that high carb meals with potatoes, corn tortillas, etc. is SO MUCH easier to deal with. Really, I am not going to eat every five minutes. It is annoying and I will be in school and working full time.
I am way upping my fat now.
I am not constipated, still do orange juice like crazy, and also upped my vitamin d.
I am not convinced it is one thing, like the carbs, the sleep, etc. I think it is being on Peat for a good while and continuing to try what wasn't working to see if things changed, and they did.
Also, I do very well eating right before bed.
This is the best I have felt in a long time and I cannot fully express the amount of stress, activity, tasks, and heavy thinking that is required of me. Fat is the way for me, with the carbs in the form I have mentioned. It is hugely better for my brain. If a person is concerned about being thinner, then this might not be optimal. I don't care. I want a functioning brain. However, I don't notice any weight gain, etc. but do notice muscle.
Also, I rarely if at all eat any meat now. I don't like it, don't feel good when I eat it, and don't feel like it digests well.

I forgot something. I drink only whole milk now. I eat whatever cheese I like. I dislike parmesan. And I eat a LOT of coconut oil. Also, no tongue issues anymore. First time in probably 10 years that it has been clear.
 
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tomisonbottom

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Latest improvements:
Can now eat eggs--egg yolks raw are easiest. Eating fancy ones b/c we live in a fancy place where I can easily get pastured, etc. Just upped to two this morning.
Can now eat potatoes without any problem. Boil them whole and then take off skins. Hated peeling them and think this removes all the nutrients.
Can eat cheese and corn tortillas without problem.
I am no longer trying to eat lower fat with mostly fruit. This is an expensive and silly way to eat. The fruit is not ripe. I am hungry 17 times a day, then. It does not fuel my brain properly for the zillion things I need to do and zillion things I need to learn and zillion things I need to conceptualize.
I now go to bed at 9:30.
I now am VOLITIONALLY exercising b/c I have lots of energy. First time in years. I don't notice being tired a week later and I also could go forever. I do yoga, sun salutations. I used to just roll on the floor.
I find that high carb meals with potatoes, corn tortillas, etc. is SO MUCH easier to deal with. Really, I am not going to eat every five minutes. It is annoying and I will be in school and working full time.
I am way upping my fat now.
I am not constipated, still do orange juice like crazy, and also upped my vitamin d.
I am not convinced it is one thing, like the carbs, the sleep, etc. I think it is being on Peat for a good while and continuing to try what wasn't working to see if things changed, and they did.
Also, I do very well eating right before bed.
This is the best I have felt in a long time and I cannot fully express the amount of stress, activity, tasks, and heavy thinking that is required of me. Fat is the way for me, with the carbs in the form I have mentioned. It is hugely better for my brain. If a person is concerned about being thinner, then this might not be optimal. I don't care. I want a functioning brain. However, I don't notice any weight gain, etc. but do notice muscle.
Also, I rarely if at all eat any meat now. I don't like it, don't feel good when I eat it, and don't feel like it digests well.

I forgot something. I drink only whole milk now. I eat whatever cheese I like. I dislike parmesan. And I eat a LOT of coconut oil. Also, no tongue issues anymore. First time in probably 10 years that it has been clear.

This is awesome!
How much coconut oil do you eat?

And curious, how you eat the raw yolks.....eggnog?
 

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