Everyone hates me for no reason! Why!

For a long time I felt this way. I assumed I was just someone that people liked to be mean to. But without realizing it, I was resentful and rude toward people because of that assumption. THAT'S why they were mean to me. I was rude to them right of the bat, without even realizing it.

What To Do When You're Rejected? might also be good. It's free:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00DERM9Q ... ref=plSrch

Actually, it's in Choose Yourself. It's an excerpt.

People feel what you feel. If you hate yourself, everyone else will too. You are inviting this into your life for whatever reason. Part of this is optimizing thyroid function so you have energy and confidence to do the things you want to do.

And the other part is being happy with yourself and following your path in life, whatever that may be. So many people go down the self-help road and eventually end up at square one. They don't know about hormonal issues, nutrition, etc.

A book that you should DEFINITELY read is The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It will teach you to create space between your true self and your thoughts.

I'll reply to other posts tomorrow.

Aspekt said:

You admit that your life is not what you want, and yet you have a strong desire to make others change or to accept your views. If there's one thing that is universally a turn off in socializing it's when somebody who clearly doesn't have their s*** together (super judgmental, no job, superiority complex, etc) tries to change them, especially if you're not already their good friend, as this is generally the only time people will be receptive to you in that way.
People don't want to know what you think is wrong with the world. I'm guessing from your posts that your kind of ideal conversation is very intellectual and intense, perhaps mutual agreement over some issue or what have you. It's the easiest thing in the world to criticize and complain, it takes no effort at all. A lot of communication, body and speech, especially in encounters with new people, has no intellectual purpose, it's a mutual exchange of lighthearted, enjoyable sensation. If you jump right into heady concepts and opinions, that's a turn off.
The world has a lot of issues, sure, but people don't want to dampen their own mood. Be careful in thinking that because these issues are important, everyone should be thinking about them often, because that's a surefire recipe to depress yourself.

It's not so much what you're saying, it's much more about what kind of vibe you throw off, and your vibe seems to be a paradox of thinking you know better than others with nothing to show for it. Most people, especially people who are well connected socially and have high EQ are aware of the way you perceive them, even if your words are completely different.
In fact this ends up making them even more averse because they can see there's a clear dissonance between what your body is saying and what you're speaking, thus they feel like they're being manipulated. This kind of tension is only exacerbated when you don't have a clear sense of purpose in your actions. Do you really think you're going to be able to avoid working your entire life?

I don't know exactly what your awakening entailed, but it doesn't seem like you've been able to apply whatever it was, in fact it's just reinforced your sense of your own superiority. You are heavily attached to the idea of yourself as a highly capable person who knows better than others. This is an illusion. It's just repetitious thought patterns, nothing more. Thinking in this way creates a barrier between yourself and others.
Friendship is built on a mutual acceptance of others, and if you're unable to suspend your judgement, you won't be able to connect with people. Life is about action, not about words. The way that you perceive yourself is not accurate, that much is clear from your posts. Introspection is useful but in this case it seems like what people have said to you probably does have a reasonably accurate reflection on how you come off. If you want to help people, do it through actions. Feed people. Do chores for them. Don't try to change them intellectually, focus on helping yourself, on dissolving these heavily ingrained thought patterns through meditation and positive action. Some therapy would probably be helpful too.

Almost every person on this planet has a picture of how they think it should be, and this belief is usually unquestioned. Part of growing up in your early 20s (as am I) is realizing that you're not a special unique snowflake and that the universe doesn't revolve around you. Your inner landscape is a reflection of how others will relate to you. If you spend all the day thinking about what's wrong with the world and others, as you seem to be doing, then that will manifest in your way of being. The only person you can and should change is yourself.

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"The way you perceive yourself is not accurate". Your own "repetitive thought patterns" make you assume too much about me. I don't talk about heavy subjects, I already know people don't like that, and I don't think about stuff much either, unlike what you think.

I'm having some weird depressive phase which seems to be from gut bacteria. I'm going to get an antibiotic, but I need to address my feelings and thoughts right now. People don't like me. It's true. Nobody called me back, nobody wants to even have a phone conversation with me. Have no clue why, happened even though I always acted in an optimistic and friendly manner. Unbelievable. I've went through this before but still have the same issue. People don't like me, apparently for no reason.

Humans will destroy the planet if I don't convince them to stop what they're doing. But apparently, nobody cares! People speak of sociopaths like they are monsters, bahaha, they should look in the mirror. Most people didn't develop a conscience and altruism, just social emotions. 60% of people would rape someone if nobody else knew, and most people would press a button and kill a person in some random country if nobody else knew for a million dollars. That says a lot. People don't have a real conscience. I'm getting over this sad fact.

Also, sorry to break it to you but by having a job ("having your ***t together"), you are contributing to the system which is causing suffering to humanity. You are funding the rich who pollute the world with toxic chemicals. Congrats. Before you attack someone for not having a job, consider who the job benefits. Not humanity.

kineticz said:

A book called 'rewiring the soul' was helpful for me. Low energy states tend to induce social isolation.

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What do you mean, they tend to "induce" social isolation?

gretchen said:

I'm sorry you're suffering. I hate to see anyone have a hard time, but a lot of it has to do with the fact that you're young, and also the way the culture has changed since the crash. Some of it you will grow out of, and other things are related to the environment you're in and the social/economic stuff. I think you can manage it, and create a happier situation. I was very unhappy when I was your age, which was in the 90s, and moved around and tried a lot of different things. But things were more stable, or the chaos was contained, and people didn't care so much what you did or looked like. I also felt I didn't fit in, and worried about my look (or lack thereof), but in the end I found I had to take the necessary risks and do things for and by myself; and while it hasn't always been fun, I'm over 40 now and most of the problems are over.

There's do much emphasis nowadays on image. From what I see, you don't have many problems in that area. There's nothing wrong with you; you are a fine looking young man. Definitely don't do anything to your nose; do not even go near anyone who suggests anything about this. It fits your face perfectly. You look a little like Ezra Pound, actually. I think you have a very "current" look and don't need much help fashion-wise. Try to relax.

I've read a lot of people your age are "in" to themselves; I think this might have a lot to do with it. No offense to Millenials on the forum; people my age and the Boomers are to blame.
There's been so much emphasis on "self" in the last 50 years. The idea was or is that the more you improve yourself, the better the world will be. People have become overly self-involved and judgemental as a result. Many older people are in their own little worlds, and younger people are caught between what they've seen growing up their whole lives and what they feel is right (building a better world).

But the fact is, at the end of the day you have to live with yourself. While it's nice to have people who support and love us, you can't live your life for others. You've got to go within and find yourself first, and be true to yourself. You can't wait for others to show up and help. Yes, having followers and friends is very much a part of the new culture. But if you live your whole life for that, you won't be in sync with yourself and might not end up with the life you're really supposed to have. A change of environment might be something to consider. But only you can decide that, and there isn't always a perfect place to live. I lived in two of the hipster meccas back in the day, and found I was also fine in less cool places. At one point I even lived as a hermit in the country.

You say you want to change the world. The fact that you do means you will. You've already started doing that. It will work out. What other people say or think doesn't matter.

You might read a book called Choose Yourself by James Altucher. He went through a lot of difficult situations personally and professionally and says the thing that helped him was choosing himself (as opposed to letting other people, the world, corporations, etc. decide for him):
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/149031337 ... e+yourself

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I'll check it out.

I have been very independent my whole life, but I need followers to change the world. It's impossible to change it all by yourself, and changing people is how to change the world anyway.

I also can't deny the fact that I feel lonely, and that my health would be better off with friends. It makes me feel horrible to be mistreated and have nobody to express my anger to. It tempts me to attack people verbally instead of dealing with my anger and not allowing my actions to be influenced.

I'm sure you know well- Where is the best place to live for someone like me? Spiritual and needing of peace, doesn't work, etc? I can't choose at this moment or else I would get out of this horrible city ASAP, but I might be able to choose soon. Is it Eugene? Seattle?

Of course, a city with less inflation would be best since I won't work anyway, but still buy food. And need public transportation. Seattle seems inflated since they changed minimum wage to $15 an hour, but not even $30 an hour would motivate me to work.

jaa said:

You may think you aren't acting arrogant, but if you're internalizing stuff like this:

"I just don't get it. I am a better person than others are."

you might be projecting an air of superiority that causes other to be turned off and openly hostile towards you. I guess you could be thankful you're getting this feedback because if you were 10-15 years older it would probably be polite hatred. I could be way off, and you would know better then me, but you could try working on yourself and see if that helps. Easier said than done I know. GL

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I wonder what people expect me to "internalize" if I am indeed more mature/intelligent/altruistic than a vast majority of people. To be a leader, you need to know you possess abilities others don't. Or else, anyone could take your place, even a little kid. An ego and created self-image is required to operate in this complex world.

oxidation_is_normal said:

I don't even know why I'm replying to this pathetic thread, but I guess I respect various problem solving parts of this forum. You sort of seem genuinely curious, so here is some straight talk.

This is what is happening: (and I'm not even going to say "to you" - because if you believe you are in control, then you are causing it)

You are projecting your previously existing emotions into other people.

How do I know this? You don't act positive and you don't smile in your pictures. Act a certain way towards people and expect nothing in response. Then you might start "deserving" returns - but definitely not by default.

Force the positivity force social behavior for a few months, and then things will start to change.

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Pathetic thread? Well thanks, nobody needs your input here then.

Also, you are absolutely wrong. I have positive attitudes and demeanors. I don't "project my past emotions" or anything like that. I think it would be obvious if I weren't positive.

mt_dreams said:

Hey Ben, if you haven't already noticed when out and about, people who are not beautiful have friends, and for the most part, end up finding a mate, so I would not put any mental thought towards your looks, as obsessing over vanity issues is not conducive to good vibrations.

You are experiencing things many people have to go through at some point during their teens or their twenties, it's just something new that you have to experience. It's about finding yourself, not playing the victim. Many people in all wakes of life get the type of thoughts you are experiencing.

Meeting people (assuming that what you truly want) is all about two things, communication skills, and vibrations. You can learn about communication skills by either watching those who are good at it, or by reading/watching up on the skill, and then trying it out yourself. Your vibration is also important, and by the first impression of your post, I would imagine this needs some work ... especially if you have just had an 'awakening' in the recent past. Try not judging others when observing them, as most people are put off by this vibration. Thinking things like 'I am better than this person', or 'this person is stupid', 'this person should be praising me', etc, will not help.

If you are looking for connection, and you don't have friends, try things like volunteering, meeting up with like minded people via internet meet up methods, or worst case, your immediate family, as it should be easy to get some connection even if its just that of touch via a hug.

So you don't have cold water, that's a bummer. Now think to all the people around the world who don't have hot water, or worse yet, no water. I've got friends in Brazil who only get water 6 days a month. No matter how bad you have it, know there are millions of people all over the world that have it way worse, and are not free enough, young enough, etc, to believe that things can change.

I know people who would say that your current situation has happened for a reason, and its something your body needs at this moment to try and deal with all the new vibrations u have just unlocked with your recent experience. Keep your mind & body sharp (by keeping to Peat's ideals of course), and soon your soul will find itself.

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Well the issue with looks isn't that I'm ugly. But why would I be mistreated even when I was a kid, like by the school? It sure seems like people judge me based on my looks.

Also, something I forgot to emphasize enough is that I don't have arrogant thoughts when talking to people. And people are quick to assume I'm arrogant, delusional, etc, maybe based on age.

I am very intelligent, fact. People feel inferior, so they try to convince me I'm arrogant, so they feel more mature. Maybe it's humiliating for them to admit a 20 year old is more mature. I'm not arrogant. I'm just aware of the fact that where a lot of people have been at, I have already experienced and gone past.

nikotrope said:

I am a bit like you in finding most people hateful and not stimulating. I almost never meet someone that I can have good conversations with, only in events related to my work. And I am self-employed because I hate having a boss (but it comes with lots of problems with public services).

For instance, I rented my apartment for one month to one of my best friends I've known for a long time and after leaving the apartment he never paid me, block me on Facebook and never answered my texts again. I've known him for 10 years and we've seen each other everyday at school for like 5 years. How twisted is that?!

Anyway, I would not kill myself because others are morons, it would mean dumb people won and I don't want that. I dealt with this by finding events where people were open-minded and friendly. Did you try to find events on meetup.com related to subjects you like? It has been the best thing I did to find stimulating people.

I ignore bad people instead of confronting them because it never ends up well. I also don't talk about things that I know people will not care about. Like I am not going to talk about Ray Peat and stuff to my family because they trust mainstream medicine too much. And when I disagree with people, I speak to them without getting angry because they will stop listening as soon as you get even a little bit angry (peating made me less angry anyway). Sure I had to adapt to other people but it's either that or being depressed. My brother is like me but on the depression side of things and it's ugly.

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I'll try meetup.com, thanks.

Ben said:

I am very intelligent, fact. People feel inferior, so they try to convince me I'm arrogant, so they feel more mature. Maybe it's humiliating for them to admit a 20 year old is more mature. I'm not arrogant. I'm just aware of the fact that where a lot of people have been at, I have already experienced and gone past.

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How can you know this for sure?

Ben said:

Humans will destroy the planet if I don't convince them to stop what they're doing.

...

Also, sorry to break it to you but by having a job ("having your s*** together"), you are contributing to the system which is causing suffering to humanity. You are funding the rich who pollute the world with toxic chemicals. Congrats. Before you attack someone for not having a job, consider who the job benefits. Not humanity.

Click to expand...

I love this guy.

kineticz said:

A book called 'rewiring the soul' was helpful for me. Low energy states tend to induce social isolation.

Click to expand...

What do you mean, they tend to "induce" social isolation?

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Low energy states promote narrowmindedness, a feeling of extreme external forces pushing on you from all angles. You then retreat into a sense of superiority for protection. These forces seem to close in on your world, through a series of mistakes you have made in closing up your opportunities.

Low thyroid, low neurotransmitters, low self-esteem, low endorphins all contribute to taking others too seriously. You actually sound like you have learned helplessness. If your body is not breathing well at a cellular energy, a lot of negative energy builds up.

There is a disconnect between how you view yourself and how others view you. You think you are very intelligent, altruistic person, but it sounds like you are a delusional egomaniac. And you want to be a leader. Gross. That's not to say that people shouldn't aspire be leaders, but I would not want anyone with your current mindset in a position of authority.

My advice is to drop the superiority complex. It's not compatible with your perceived altruism or desires for social connections and to make the world a better place. That doesn't mean you have to deny your own talents. You're more intelligent and compassionate than those around you? Awesome! Keep developing those talents and put them to action. But this doesn't mean you are better than others. You are just more fortunate in terms of genetics and environmental exposure. And others have talents that you don't currently possess. A big one seems to be social skills. But if you learn to let go of your ego and put that intelligence and compassion into action, then the social stuff should naturally take care of itself.

I will try to be spontaneous since it could fit your style more, so some things could be unfounded, please bear with this.

In my experience it is the lack of the ability of cynical thought as well as the constant expectation of linear responses from the world are the actual signs of autism and inflammation. I see these in your post, so my suggestion is number one to work on the gut.

Secondly when you quote "no, I'm going to tell you to get the f*** out of the way" I think that indicates a lack of energy. Opposing a nice answer to an evil request means playing the evil's game, it means carrying their burden which is the logical proof that an energy surplus is present and that it can be expended in the interaction. Your past seems very heavy, but even for someone who was in Auschwitz the best approach is the opposite of feeling victimized, that is if they want to get better without self-repression.

You can try something like liquor since it is very good to see how different approaches to thinking differ and which baselines they share. It is also helpful because you must stop giving a ***t about things before you can start actually caring. All in all I think you could consider focusing your efforts towards moving to Europe, as all these processes are aided by the presence both inside of people and inside the states of places in which to fall back to in case of need. The people are a bit less open in their issues, the liabilities placed on you are less extravagant, and the cultural variety and opportunities are all contained in a small and navigable package. There is nothing wrong with starting small. People here might be depressed and ****88 but at least the place doesn't get into your brain and derange you.

Ben. In order to help others you have to have an excess of positive energy/emotion/thought accumulated in yourself. If you yourself are not healthy and happy, then you will be leeching rather than giving. You can't lift people above you. Only up (or down) to your own level.

This applies to so many aspects of life. As Christina has pointed out you wont get a girl if she feels like you are unable to support yourself (money, shelter, internal happiness) let alone another person.

Friends want to be able to exchange energy/emotion/thought. It should be a two way street. If people leave a conversation/diatribe/interaction with you and don't feel like they were heard, appreciated, or if they feel like they left with less than they came in with they wont want to be around this energy.

You have to be happy enough with your self and your position in life that you are willing to give without expecting to receive. Put positive energy out and you'll get positive energy back. Put negative energy out and that's exactly what comes back.

You should be happy with indirectly changing the world by being a decent person, a good influence on the people you have in your life and by paying it forward when you have something to give. If not then you'll have to find a career path where you can rise to a position of power/influence and effect the system directly from within.

Hey Ben, I'm sorry you're being blamed as if it's your fault. I've noticed that so-called "social" people need to be accepting of the terrible conditions they live in just so they can get through the day. But they secretly know they are just slaves with huge debts, and no hope for the future, and with radiation and poisons ruining the entire world for them and their children. People act "social" only as long as they hope they can get tit for tat.

But once that all collapses, like it is now in Ukraine and Greece, then all these "social" people are going to learn if they had any real friends. And suddenly people won't talk them, unless it's to beg for food or shelter.

I certainly don't know what to do, but I know not to listen to all the lies that "social" people tell themselves. Maybe send an email to Ray Peat? He seems like he's not one of the "social" people, and has the courage to say how things are.

I think you may find some of his sayings here, if you type "helplessness":
https://www.google.com/cse/home?cx=0052 ... 5qfhqsz7oo

In one of the studies in which rats had been taught learned helplessness so they would drown in five or six minutes, just being able to see another rat escape would let the informed rat go for days without drowning. Just the recognition that someone else did it can make all the difference.

Stress early in life can impair learning, cause aggressive or compulsive behavior, learned helplessness, shyness, alcoholism, and other problems.

Since LSD shifts the balance away from serotonin dominance toward dopamine dominance, its effect can be to erase the habits of learned helplessness.

Serotonin excess causes several of the features of depression, such as learned helplessness and reduced metabolic rate, while coffee stimulates the uptake (inactivation or storage) of serotonin, increases metabolic energy, and tends to improve mood. In animal studies, it reverses the state of helplessness or despair, often more effectively than so-called antidepressants.

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I'd say you look alright. You just need to get a better haircut and clothes. Right now it's all about hipster look, plaid shirts, skinny jeans and thick crown hair like Adam Levine or Adam Lambert. If you can get the goatee facial hair thing going, you'll look money!

It's superficial, I know. But it's all about first impression. Sucks, but that's life

A cool/good looking dude talking sophisticated stuff = wow that guy is deep, he's awesome
An okay looking dude talking sophisticated stuff = that guy is a nice but nerdy

Strongbad said:

hair like Adam Levine or Adam Lambert.

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lol I just googled them. Those hairstyles were popular in the UK about 10 years ago.

LOL well it's really popular now in US

Hi Ben,
When I first read your post i wondered if you were joking, but figured I would answer just in case you are not. I hope you can see the stark disconnect here: "I'm better, smarter, more noble than everybody else, they are all stupid and worthless and don't care. Why doesn't anybody want to be my friend?"

I'm sorry you were bullied and unsupported when you were young.
There is nothing basically wrong with the way you look. You can pay attention to local fashions to see whether there are simple superficial changes to make.

If at any time there is a risk of you being a danger to yourself, get in contact with local crisis support.

Make sure you keep doing basic nutrition. Get out in the sun. Move. Make a vegetable garden. ...

You are as human as everybody else, neither better nor worse. As you clearly express, there are lots of irrationalities in the way society works that need changing. Everybody gets messed around by that, including you and me and everybody else. It affects how we all feel about an treat each other. A lot of it is unaware. You don't have to keep defending how different you are from other people. Society doesn't really fit anybody. You still belong with other people.

You have been given a lot of thoughtful, intelligent advice on this thread. I suggest trying to understand and see what you can make use of, not attacking people you don't immediately agree with, and not immediately writing off all the ideas that don't fit comfortably with your current approach.
After all, how has your previous approach been working for you?
That applies to this and other threads, and in the rest of your life.

Most people prefer the company of people who communicate that they respect them and like them and are interested in them and want things to go well for them, and who act as though they respect and like themselves. I think it is unlikely that you can habitually communicate these things to the people around you
while you also communicate the kind of generalised and personal disrespect and scorn you habitually post here.
If you want peer relationships, treat people as peers.

You could try stopping your habit of criticising and judging other people harshly, and instead practice looking for and noticing the things you like, appreciate, admire about other people, and letting them know in ways they can hear, as well as figuring out how to help people with practical problems.

I undersatnd your desire to not support an irrational, destructive system. However, refusing to work doesn't solve that problem. Find the most benign, useful work you can. At the least you will be around some other people, and you can develop skills that you can use for other purposes in the future, and you can earn some money that will give you more options than ongoing poverty.

I think everybody can lead in useful ways. Watch the ones who are helping good things happen, and learn the skills they use. If you want people to follow you, you have to be able to communicate that they can trust you to care about them. You can't do that while thinking and communicating as you have been. I predict it will take a bit of practice, but is possible.

I'll say I'm sure I have a lot to learn to improve my own social skills too.

teenpeater said:

Hey Ben, I'm sorry you're being blamed as if it's your fault. I've noticed that so-called "social" people need to be accepting of the terrible conditions they live in just so they can get through the day. But they secretly know they are just slaves with huge debts, and no hope for the future, and with radiation and poisons ruining the entire world for them and their children. People act "social" only as long as they hope they can get tit for tat.

But once that all collapses, like it is now in Ukraine and Greece, then all these "social" people are going to learn if they had any real friends. And suddenly people won't talk them, unless it's to beg for food or shelter.

I certainly don't know what to do, but I know not to listen to all the lies that "social" people tell themselves. Maybe send an email to Ray Peat? He seems like he's not one of the "social" people, and has the courage to say how things are.

I think you may find some of his sayings here, if you type "helplessness":
https://www.google.com/cse/home?cx=0052 ... 5qfhqsz7oo

In one of the studies in which rats had been taught learned helplessness so they would drown in five or six minutes, just being able to see another rat escape would let the informed rat go for days without drowning. Just the recognition that someone else did it can make all the difference.

Stress early in life can impair learning, cause aggressive or compulsive behavior, learned helplessness, shyness, alcoholism, and other problems.

Since LSD shifts the balance away from serotonin dominance toward dopamine dominance, its effect can be to erase the habits of learned helplessness.

Serotonin excess causes several of the features of depression, such as learned helplessness and reduced metabolic rate, while coffee stimulates the uptake (inactivation or storage) of serotonin, increases metabolic energy, and tends to improve mood. In animal studies, it reverses the state of helplessness or despair, often more effectively than so-called antidepressants.

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You sound a lot like this guy

You can't change whats going on around you until you start changing whats going on within you.

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author unknown

selfless people are boring. i wouldn't be friends with them.

Did you use thyroid yet to bring your pulse to 85? it might be hypometabolism.

also, i would check for a personality disorder