Good question. I suspect if you asked the average ethical vegan, they'd say no. For me, that's a question that I can't answer with complete certainty.Thanks :) So if you have a cow in your farm and you treat her very nicely and provide for her food and she willingly gives her baby cow milk until satisfied and she is more than happy and willingly to give some of the milk to you and to your family.. Would that be considered "vegan"?
I used to think that if the cow was well taken care of, seemed happy/didn't resist being milked, and the baby calf was allowed to stay with her for months, then it wasn't unethical for me to consume her milk. For those reasons, I made it a point to get milk from a specific farm. I even remember talking with pboy about this right before I stopped logging. However, the more I've learned, the less sure I've become.
To me, the goal is to cause the least amount of suffering (for all living beings) that's within one's own ability. If consuming dairy means the difference between living or starving to death, I can't say I believe doing so is unethical. A human animal's life is just as important as any other animal's, right?
If life or death is not the case for the family in your scenario, milk_lover, then the ethics of it become more muddled for me.
Beyond the basic issue of breeding an animal for our own use or purchasing a cow as if she were a commodity/possibly against her will, I'm left with questions like...
Where was she acquired from - was she acquired through a channel that supports any kind of abuse/slaughter and/or forced pregnancy, or was she a rescued cow etc.?
Was pregnancy forced on her such as through artificial insemination or was she allowed to mate naturally?
What is done to her after she is no longer able to produce milk - is she allowed to stay on the farm and live out her life or is she sent to slaughter?
Is her calf allowed to stay with her until he/she has weaned on his/her own?
What becomes of her calf - is he/she eventually sent off to be slaughtered, particularly the males since they can't provide milk?
And probably the biggest question I have is how do I know she is giving consent just because she doesn't try to flee, fight or resist being milked if all she has ever known is captivity? The consent of a wild horse that has never been tamed or "broken in" would be more obvious to me, but an animal that has never known real freedom, I don't know if I could consider her willingness to ever really be consent or more like "don't bite the hand that feeds you?" That's a tough one for me.
The only thing I'm certain of is that as a free woman, I value my right to choose whether or not I have sex and possibly becoming pregnant, and if having given birth, that I'm not forced to breastfeed anyone beyond my own child and certainly not year after year after year. Pregnancy and breastfeeding are a beautiful and natural thing, but that doesn't mean it's always a bed of roses for us and our bodies and I don't feel right making that decision for other females.
Sorry I couldn't answer your question, milk_lover.