Prosper
Member
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2017
- Messages
- 516
Naps, crossword puzzles, walks in the city and the nature, playing guitar and piano, staring at the wall. I'm unemployed. Not having an excessive amount of unscheduled time to think things like this would of course help, but as a solution having a job is closer to a distraction than a cure... I don't know what kind of "cure" I'm even looking for, or whether I have a real problem in the first place. To answer your earlier question, I'm not partaking in any activity that could be considered societally meaningful. I don't care much for the society or other people. This may or may not be a part of the issue.How do you spend your days right now Prosper?
For the past year I've been begging God to give me something that I can hold onto. I've been asking him to do with me what he pleases and to use me as his instrument if he so desires. Not as crudely, but that's the general idea. I've tried to feel those words as I say them and truly mean them. While I don't think this has achieved much, it has led me to ponder what can and can not be viewed as a sign from a god. Will you intuitively feel "this is it", or will you have to rationalize "well this was a coincidence, it could have religious significance"? It seems so intellectually troublesome. How will I know I'm not tricking myself? The minute I'm open to interpreting anything as a sign from God is the minute I'm risking entering severe delusion. I fear that once I'm convinced of God's existence I will become a hardline fundamentalist, because that is the most integrous and rational thing to do.I think this is great.
It clearly doesn't feel great, but asking this...searching...not settling...not numbing....not distracting....not reasoning... but wrestling.
Seems like you have resisted for sometime now?
To me, it takes more faith to believe in nothing than to believe in something.
Ask God to show you.
I believe He will.
Yes, that hits close to home. What kind of steps did your road to "recovery" include, other than becoming a temporary Christian?I was horribly anxious, paranoid and empty for many months. I was certain that my soul had been destroyed or something. Felt like I didn't have any identity. I felt super awake and clear, but in a bad way. I felt the presence of chaos and of evil.
It is, in the absence of additional context. You're not saying much else than "be happy or get help". Of course, I can agree with that sentiment. But it's not the kind of insight I'm seeking today. For now, this thread IS the "get help" step.Sorry to say that happiness remains an "uninspired banality," and if you disagree, maybe you should hang out with some behaviorist psychologists and see how far that gets you.