Artynoa
Member
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2020
- Messages
- 9
After three years of optimizing my nutrition im still overreacting to little stress and then immediately buying me a xbox and playing straight 16 hours a day for a week or two. basically im happy with my life, i have my own business, i have a wonderful girlfriend and im living a "good western life".
Sure some people did have a dark childhood. Im one of that people. I feel bad when im visiting my parents and brothers, but i don't show it. I hide my feelings and put on a mask so they think everything i fine- i do this because i forgive and still love my father. My sister does not have any contact to my family, she couldn't digest the past and said "**** you all". My sister i living her own life since about 10 Years, she's 39 and looks like ***t. She has now a big variety of diseases like diabetes, anxiety, panic attacks, extreme joint pain, back pain, big digestive problems and and and... her whole body is aching and she looks like she's 60. I see the psychosomatic connection to health. Her childhood trauma makes her so sick. And thats not a theory. I can see it every time. I can see it in her eyes.
And i can see it in the mirror too. I can see my pain, but i can't describe it. I thought i can handle it. I did a 150 Hour psychoanalysis therapy three years ago. I could have done more, but i stopped because my theory, that if i optimize my physical body, i will heal my mind. I tought my mind is locked in a physical body- and if I feed my body a highly nutritious food, i will then gain equilibrium for my life. I was one year in vegan heaven, after that i had more digestive issues, then i tried carnivore, then vegetarian and now im doing rays tipps for about half a year. I have to say, i never felt so good. Ray Peats Work definitely helped me, especially with my allergy, and that is a big deal for me.
But i have this gap inside me. Sometimes i just want to be a child. Sometime i just want to play. Sometimes i don't want to be an adult. I love life, and im going to live it until its fullest. But this Multiplayer Game is destroying every part of my life. I feel like a kid, when im playing my online shooter and meeting my old gaming friends. I love to fight and shoot and fly and learn new skills on the xbox. Ive played about 12000 hours in the last 5 years on this one particular Multiplayer Shooter. And i bought in this 5 years about 15 xbox, selled 10 of them after gaming until collapsing and the other 5 of them i destroyed all with a hammer in my garage.
Once i start playing, im like in a very intense flow. A Flow that is so strong, that i even don't eat and drink for hours- even if im really thirsty and hungry. It doesn't matter how good my body feels, it doesn't matter how wonderful my life is... every 3 to 6 month im like paralized. i can even watch 10 hours of gameplay on youtube... just to get that feeling of playing that game. I really don't know what to do.
I have the felling that no matter how good you treat your physical body- your subconscious will always win.
Did someone have a similar experience?
Sure some people did have a dark childhood. Im one of that people. I feel bad when im visiting my parents and brothers, but i don't show it. I hide my feelings and put on a mask so they think everything i fine- i do this because i forgive and still love my father. My sister does not have any contact to my family, she couldn't digest the past and said "**** you all". My sister i living her own life since about 10 Years, she's 39 and looks like ***t. She has now a big variety of diseases like diabetes, anxiety, panic attacks, extreme joint pain, back pain, big digestive problems and and and... her whole body is aching and she looks like she's 60. I see the psychosomatic connection to health. Her childhood trauma makes her so sick. And thats not a theory. I can see it every time. I can see it in her eyes.
And i can see it in the mirror too. I can see my pain, but i can't describe it. I thought i can handle it. I did a 150 Hour psychoanalysis therapy three years ago. I could have done more, but i stopped because my theory, that if i optimize my physical body, i will heal my mind. I tought my mind is locked in a physical body- and if I feed my body a highly nutritious food, i will then gain equilibrium for my life. I was one year in vegan heaven, after that i had more digestive issues, then i tried carnivore, then vegetarian and now im doing rays tipps for about half a year. I have to say, i never felt so good. Ray Peats Work definitely helped me, especially with my allergy, and that is a big deal for me.
But i have this gap inside me. Sometimes i just want to be a child. Sometime i just want to play. Sometimes i don't want to be an adult. I love life, and im going to live it until its fullest. But this Multiplayer Game is destroying every part of my life. I feel like a kid, when im playing my online shooter and meeting my old gaming friends. I love to fight and shoot and fly and learn new skills on the xbox. Ive played about 12000 hours in the last 5 years on this one particular Multiplayer Shooter. And i bought in this 5 years about 15 xbox, selled 10 of them after gaming until collapsing and the other 5 of them i destroyed all with a hammer in my garage.
Once i start playing, im like in a very intense flow. A Flow that is so strong, that i even don't eat and drink for hours- even if im really thirsty and hungry. It doesn't matter how good my body feels, it doesn't matter how wonderful my life is... every 3 to 6 month im like paralized. i can even watch 10 hours of gameplay on youtube... just to get that feeling of playing that game. I really don't know what to do.
I have the felling that no matter how good you treat your physical body- your subconscious will always win.
Did someone have a similar experience?