You are such a smart girl. Sometimes when I read posts on this forum, I have a picture in my mind of the person's age and then get blown away when I learn they are in the 20's or even teens. You are incredibly self aware and have amazingly sleuthed out where to find insightful direction.Hi all, thanks for the replies!
Im still reading them so excuse me if i don't reply to something.
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I didn't figure out the relational dynamics in my home were, um, "off" , until I was in my 40's. I tend to look for the pony. And my coping strategies (subconscious) were to become invisible, did a lot of song-writing and poetry/prose, was a loner, did a lot of wandering, got a mohawk and fronted a hard-core punk band.
But better awareness then would have helped me avoid getting ensnared into this familiar dynamics later in life. That's the best lesson. Learn to see it quickly in other people and move on. Avoid those ensnarements.
The dynamic manifests differently in each kid. I was popular but in a neutral, non-clicky way. They thought I was cool. So I could have had all the friends I wanted. Heck I could have been a cult hero. But for my close (dyadic) girl friends, they tended, in retrospect, to be bullies. Why didn't I pick the lovely ones or the ones who really wanted to know me???? Too bad for me that I did not see the relational magnet at play.
I don't know if this applies but there is a zen saying (a koan/riddle) that says, "To live with a difficult person. Nirvana."
But the great lesson is to know what to avoid and be able to see it sooner , so you invest in healthy relationships with your self and others.
One of the dogs I've adopted along way, the one that I have now, was probably the worst dog in the world. lol. Every imaginable behavior issue. But he taught me more about dogs than probably 1000 would have. He forced me to understand him thoroughly, 'swallow him whole'. I'll take good care of him for the rest of his life but I will not take on another one like him again. Because of him, I can quickly suss out any dog. I gained a reputation in the city to accompany people to dog parks with their dogs so they can understand the behaviors that go in there with their own dog and others.
I've never had a puppy. Always rescuing basket cases. But when I do finally get one, it's going to be the breed of my choice and from the best breeder in the world I can find. Because that's what I deserve.
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