Help Me Fall Out Of Love

[BingDing]

Great idea, GP. But I'm not sure if it would make dating easier or harder. Think of all the restaurants and bars you would not go to.

 

[thebigpeatowski]

Well, I guess I need to open the first Peat friendly Bar and Grill then...but what shall I call it? Peats Eats?

I went out to dinner with an old school chum a few nights ago, dining out is something I RARELY do. There was only one thing on the entire menu that I could/would consider eating: steak with rice, I gave the cole slaw side to my friend and he proceeded to tell me what an amazing health food fermented cabbage is. Uh huh. I used to make/eat gallons of it myself during my GAPS/WAPF years. I hadn't seen this dude in over 30 years, there was NO way I could even begin to touch THAT subject. Meanwhile he prattled on about how he can't drink like he used to because his metabolism has slowed down. Obviously, the restaurant had no gelatin, I suffered through his nutrition lecture in silence. I'm pretty sure he thought I was some sorta picky-eater FREAK. I guess I am, it just is now becoming glaringly apparent as I put myself out in the world.

If we had a dating site for Peatarians.....do you see my dilemma?

I am losing sleep over my boyfriend's health problems. I don't want to go through the stress of a break up...at all. How do I find help for someone who doesn't want help? Doesn't think they need help? And isn't interested in the science or physiology behind a CURE. It's an especially sensitive subject...am I merely putting off the inevitable?

Help me fall out of love. PAIN FREE. PLEASE.

*Adding note to self: start carrying hydrolyzed gelatin in purse when dining out...that, along with my own salt shaker that I already carry, I ought to make a fine first impression.

 

[Curt :-)]

Man, what a tricky situation, theBP!
I really don't know what to say about it, other than if you feel it's time to go, then I think you should do what your gut tells you. I don't think procrastination is healthy in this context.

In regards to my own situation; I stopped associating with the girl in question a while ago. I felt much better. I've most definately moved on and I feel much more centred and optimistic. I think stagnation in our love lives can be detrimental to our health.

 

[aquaman]

I gave the cole slaw side to my friend

Sounds like you're in waaaaay too deep. If you go to a restaurant you should eat whatever you want, coleslaw is amazing! One side of coleslaw once a month (or week) isn't going to ruin everything!!!

 

[charlie]

We need a Peat dating site...just sayin, then you KNOW what you're getting in to.

I have considered many times to start a dating section here. Mostly because I was hoping to find someone myself. It would not be hard for me to add to the site, if others were interested.

I have thought about it long and hard and I am not sure dating someone outside of the Peatian realm is something I want to do. Like you said, way to many differences.....way too different energy.

I gave the cole slaw side to my friend

Sounds like you're in waaaaay too deep. If you go to a restaurant you should eat whatever you want, coleslaw is amazing! One side of coleslaw once a month (or week) isn't going to ruin everything!!!

Sounds like she ate exactly what she wanted.

 

[BingDing]

coleslaw is amazing!

??? You mean because cabbage is the best goitrogen? What kind of vegetable oil do you think makes the best sauce?

 

[thebigpeatowski]

I gave the cole slaw side to my friend

Sounds like you're in waaaaay too deep. If you go to a restaurant you should eat whatever you want, coleslaw is amazing! One side of coleslaw once a month (or week) isn't going to ruin everything!!!

I don't digest uncooked vegetable fiber very well, it irritates my intestines causing major problems. So yes, it can ruin everything. But that isn't what my post was about, thanks all the same.

 

[gretchen]

You know there's that song by Simon & Garfunkel, 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover: Slip out the back, Jack; make a new plan, Stan...

 

[BingDing]

Blame it on Peat, Clete,... Ooh, maybe that's the way.

They say we can have three great loves in a lifetime. I've had two and I do hope that the third happens. I sort of envision talking about being thyroid dominant and knowing how to handle stress hormones, etc, and she will come around to the Peat point of view. It is not an unreasonable idea, after all.

I think giving up bread may be the biggest change from a typical SAD diet, it's such a convenient way to get food into your mouth. But paleo and PHD don't eat bread so that's an edge. Eh, I'm rambling. Good luck, the BP.

 

[thebigpeatowski]

Thanks Bing Ding, and please ramble on...I need all the distractions I can get. I received an automated phone message at 11:18 this morning about a school shooting in our community. When it rains, it POURS I guess. I'm grieving on all fronts....and eating a lot of chocolate. No bread tho, gave that up nearly four years ago.

It's a bittersweet situation for sure: I was very very ill when I found Peat. Reading his writings has changed me in more ways than I can even begin to explain. I'm different inside and out, through and through. So yeah, it's all Peat's fault, lol. There is no going back to the old ways, that's for sure. Once your eyes have been opened, you can't pretend to not see.

I keep telling myself that the storm will pass, it can't last forever. Why oh why does it all have to happen at once, especially heading in to winter???

 

[tara]

I do not want to break his heart, but I am shriveling on the vine from a lack of mad passionate love-making. What's a girl to do? He is not interested in learning healthy ways to fix what ails him and in fact thinks everything is perfectly normal because his doctor says it's normal for men his age.

My take on this would be - what to do depends on what level of explicit commitment you've made to each other. If 'boyfriend' means dating with no commitment, then you are free to leave, or to see if you can solve the key problems together. Resigning yourself to staying indefinitely without improving the situation doesn't look like a good option to me, so you may as well get onto changing things sooner rather than later.

If he has a bunch of other qualities you really value, or you are really attached to him, you could find a way to courteously but directly let him know the key things you are missing, and that they are really important to you. Maybe offer to brainstorm with him to see if you can find ways forward that you are both happy with. Then give him a little time (like a couple of weeks, not a couple of years) and see how he responds. You never know, he may rise to the occasion (so to speak :) ) if you give him the chance and he gets that it's important. If he just ignores or dismisses the request and nothing changes, its unlikely to get better, and you may as well break up.

You probably don't need him to think the same way you do, but you do need him to be working with you to find solutions you both like.

If you do have a commitment, then it probably makes sense to first focus on what you can to solve the problems, and only separate if he refused to make changes on his side.

I'm a very long way from having these things all figured out for myself, so feel free to ignore these musings from a single woman. :)

I think one of the mistakes I've made in the past is to get into relationships too deep too fast, and then feel that I have to do everything I can to make them work. In retrospect, I think I would have done better if I'd taken more time dating casually before getting too seriously involved, and been choosier (ie not overridden wishful thinking). And then it would have been good if I'd understood that it was OK to break up, even if the other person got upset, and done it sooner. Rather than stay and alternately submit to unhappy-making behaviour or fight (far too aggressively) for change till things got increasingly intolerable all round.

 

[tara]

We need a Peat dating site...just sayin, then you KNOW what you're getting in to.

I have considered many times to start a dating section here. Mostly because I was hoping to find someone myself. It would not be hard for me to add to the site, if others were interested.

First draft of my ad:
'Pedantic orthorexic middle-aged single mother with debilitating chronic health issues
seeks caring middle-aged man with warm feet who won't get between me and my food. Must be prepared to live in cold climate where tropical fruit do not grow, the pasture-raised ruminants get cold enough they have to grow PUFA-rich fat if they want to wave their tails, and Peaty supplements are hard to get.'
A few more like that and you'll have flocks of new members on the site.

 

[tara]

We need a Peat dating site...just sayin, then you KNOW what you're getting in to.

I have considered many times to start a dating section here. Mostly because I was hoping to find someone myself. It would not be hard for me to add to the site, if others were interested.

I wonder if the two purposes might clash - the forum's focus on personal issues that some of us may want to keep fairly anonymous, and sharing enough of the good stuff and real identifying information to get a clue whether we might be compatible in other ways. There might be ways around some of that.

I have thought about it long and hard and I am not sure dating someone outside of the Peatian realm is something I want to do. Like you said, way to many differences.....way too different energy.

I think there are quite a lot of other differences amongst us too, some of them also important to me at least - personal and political values, level of physical energy, geography, age. Am I right in thinking we are disproportionately middle-aged women and young men? But hey, there might be enough here for a few good matches. And you might get a lot more members with such a feature.

 

[thebigpeatowski]

Yeah, you're right tara. I am waaaay too much of an open book (have shared too much) AND yes, all the dudes here are in their 20's and 30's...oh well, it was a nice thought.

But I definitely agree with Charlie, there are too many differences, the energy is different. I don't know how to explain it and I don't have a lot of experience as far as comparisons go, but I personally feel electrified and energized to the very core of my being. It was especially noticeable at my recent 30th high school reunion. Very few people seem to have a high level of energy and enthusiasm, perhaps 20 folks out 200. It was an interesting observation. I stayed and closed the place out and didn't get home until after 5 a.m... I haven't done that since I was a teen.

This energy discrepancy is quite apparent between the boyfriend and myself. I must say it was also very unexpected, I had NO idea. I will try my best to convince him of the merits of Peating. I also wrote down a bunch of helpful stuff that haidut posted on raising testosterone...we shall see if it generates any interest. Might be a fun experiment.

 

[tara]

First draft of my ad: '...seeks ...'

continued:
"...for fun in the sun, yoga, occasional weight-training and romantic cheesecake suppers under 600-900nm lighting with intimate conversation about biochemistry, physiology, physics of cells, and sociology of medicine."

 

[johns74]

I do not want to break his heart, but I am shriveling on the vine from a lack of mad passionate love-making. What's a girl to do?

K2 increases testosterone. 6 drops of Thorne K2 might be one of the least dangerous ways to get him interested.

"you know, I don't know if ED bothers you, I found this study that it increases testosterone, this other one shows it's safe".

 

[johns74]

Maybe the dating section wouldn't interfere so much if it's anonymous, or with alternate names?

 

[charlie]

johns74, I have been researching on dating site software. I think if we decided to go forward with the dating platform that maybe using a different software from our forum might be better. I could install it on a subdomain of the forum like so: dating.raypeatforum.com. And since it would not be directly connected to the forum software, you could use whatever name you like to join.

The base software I am looking at, Joomla, is free to use. I would only need to purchase a dating "extension" which is around $30-$40 depending on which one $50 a year.

 

[LucyL]

Am I right in thinking we are disproportionately middle-aged women and young men? But hey, there might be enough here for a few good matches.

So it's already a cougar dating club

Seriously though, dh asked just the other day about the demographics of Peats' followers and I pretty much told him exactly that. No wonder Charlie can't get advertisers

 

[thebigpeatowski]

I'm working on my cougar AD right NOW...