Contamination OCD. It has ruined my life. I will soon turn 37. I've been like this since I began masturbating, when I was around 12, and then it got worse when I was around 19. I used to read long novels, like Brothers Karamazov. I used to read philosophy books. I don't read anything anymore because I'm afraid of contaminating my objects. OCD is a nightmare. Take a look at /r/OCD. Many people there talking about suicide. OCD is serious stuff.
When I was 30 I said enough and just smeared some of my semen on my books and video game console and sneakers. It's called ERP and it's the method OCD therapists recommend. Exposure Response Prevention. Face your fear. Putting semen on objects sounds insane to people but that's how you fight OCD. OCD is a extreme life destroyer, so you take extreme measures to defeat it.
It worked. But then weird synchronicities began to happen. Stange coincidences seemingly telling me that I was wrong, that my semen is indeed dirty, that I should feel guilty for my semen. Synchronicities are a regular feature of OCD. The obvious explanation is the materialistic one: OCD people are insane. A less mainstream explanation but that I consider plausible is that OCD is spiritual in nature. It's some sort of force or spirit trying to trap you in obsessions and compulsions and paralyze you. And this force can trigger synchronicities in order to reinforce the OCD thoughts. Jung believed in synchronicities and he was a bright and erudite guy, wasn't he? It's not mere credulity, I think it's a real phenomenon. I once made a post detailing some of my synchronicities. It's some wild stuff.
I'm trying to do the ERP thing and not clean things down after I do the deed (I've thrown books and clothes and computer chairs away because of this OCD), but it's tough. I often succumb and go into cleaning frenzies. The feeling that things are "dirty" is very stressful. But it's irrational. There are people who are exactly like me, but about things like germs or public bathrooms or cigarette smoke. Their obsessions sound insane to me, but so does mine to them. My semenphobia is just OCD, and OCD is a liar.
Anyway, that's it. I feel the urge to write endless pages about this, to fully explain my situation, which is probably an OCD trait as well, but this post is already big enough. I'd appreciate any feedback here.
(I have found that bag-breathing helps a lot with this. The thought that things are "contaminted" diminishes considerably in severity after a two-minute bag-breathing session. Kratom and tianeptine help as well, but are expensive and addictive and not an ideal solution. I think trying to raise dopamine in more natural ways would be a good idea. If I have a mild opioid buzz going on my OCD becomes much more manageable, but getting high is not an ideal long-term solution for anything.)
When I was 30 I said enough and just smeared some of my semen on my books and video game console and sneakers. It's called ERP and it's the method OCD therapists recommend. Exposure Response Prevention. Face your fear. Putting semen on objects sounds insane to people but that's how you fight OCD. OCD is a extreme life destroyer, so you take extreme measures to defeat it.
It worked. But then weird synchronicities began to happen. Stange coincidences seemingly telling me that I was wrong, that my semen is indeed dirty, that I should feel guilty for my semen. Synchronicities are a regular feature of OCD. The obvious explanation is the materialistic one: OCD people are insane. A less mainstream explanation but that I consider plausible is that OCD is spiritual in nature. It's some sort of force or spirit trying to trap you in obsessions and compulsions and paralyze you. And this force can trigger synchronicities in order to reinforce the OCD thoughts. Jung believed in synchronicities and he was a bright and erudite guy, wasn't he? It's not mere credulity, I think it's a real phenomenon. I once made a post detailing some of my synchronicities. It's some wild stuff.
I'm trying to do the ERP thing and not clean things down after I do the deed (I've thrown books and clothes and computer chairs away because of this OCD), but it's tough. I often succumb and go into cleaning frenzies. The feeling that things are "dirty" is very stressful. But it's irrational. There are people who are exactly like me, but about things like germs or public bathrooms or cigarette smoke. Their obsessions sound insane to me, but so does mine to them. My semenphobia is just OCD, and OCD is a liar.
Anyway, that's it. I feel the urge to write endless pages about this, to fully explain my situation, which is probably an OCD trait as well, but this post is already big enough. I'd appreciate any feedback here.
(I have found that bag-breathing helps a lot with this. The thought that things are "contaminted" diminishes considerably in severity after a two-minute bag-breathing session. Kratom and tianeptine help as well, but are expensive and addictive and not an ideal solution. I think trying to raise dopamine in more natural ways would be a good idea. If I have a mild opioid buzz going on my OCD becomes much more manageable, but getting high is not an ideal long-term solution for anything.)
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