Legitimate Question: Why Do Guys Feel Responcible If Their Wife/Girlfriend Is Not Happy About Something?

[Nomane Euger]

Just stop. He contributed by sharing something. Move on.

stop asking questions to someone sharing something to others?

 

[FocusedOnHealth]

Basically men want to be useful and women want to be wanted. If a man has taken you out to eat and you don't like it, he might subcounciously feel like he's failed. A thing for women might be if he tells you he doesn't like your dress you might feel a bit upset, even though it has nothing to do with you personally.

I see and I agree. Another example, my hubby just surprised me and brought home hot, fresh and oh so delicious bagels from our favorite bagel shop. Yes I know, not Peaty. But soooo good! Did I say gooooood?

And he is very pleased that I am so pleased with his thoughtful gesture. He wins brownie points ??

 

[Waynish]

Okayyyy, I didn’t think what I said was all that personal. I wanted to get a perspective from others opinions. It’s not like it’s some deep dark secret Lol. The responses have actually been helpful in regards to hearing from a guy’s POV.

It isn't personal at all... You can always rationalize it... But if you and I were dating and you were online talking about the smallest little problem you had with me, then I would know in my heart exactly what is going on. This is universal, not personal. However, the kind of guy who is overly apologetic - as you describe him - is not the kind of guy who has a problem with what you're doing. In fact, he is probably cool with you hanging out with "male friends" alone. Maybe feels freeing "as a woman,' but there's nothing freeing about being in a depolarized relationship or a divorce.

 

[Nomane Euger]

It isn't personal at all... You can always rationalize it... But if you and I were dating and you were online talking about the smallest little problem you had with me, then I would know in my heart exactly what is going on. This is universal, not personal. However, the kind of guy who is overly apologetic - as you describe him - is not the kind of guy who has a problem with what you're doing. In fact, he is probably cool with you hanging out with "male friends" alone. Maybe feels freeing "as a woman,' but there's nothing freeing about being in a depolarized relationship or a divorce.

hi,are you muslim?do you watch andrew tate videos?is he someone you esteem as relevant?

 

[FocusedOnHealth]

It isn't personal at all... You can always rationalize it... But if you and I were dating and you were online talking about the smallest little problem you had with me, then I would know in my heart exactly what is going on. This is universal, not personal. However, the kind of guy who is overly apologetic - as you describe him - is not the kind of guy who has a problem with what you're doing. In fact, he is probably cool with you hanging out with "male friends" alone. Maybe feels freeing "as a woman,' but there's nothing freeing about being in a depolarized relationship or a divorce.

I didn’t describe him as overly apologetic. Really, not sure where you are coming from but I think perhaps you are projecting your own feelings about what I wrote.

 

[Waynish]

I didn’t describe him as overly apologetic. Really, not sure where you are coming from but I think perhaps you are projecting your own feelings about what I wrote.

That is precisely how you described him. Why else apologize for something we didn't do? Now he wins a little brownie point from you. Emasculating. Husbands require no "brownie points." Anyway, it is your culture; I'm not interesting in changing it.

 

[FocusedOnHealth]

That is precisely how you described him. Why else apologize for something we didn't do? Now he wins a little brownie point from you. Emasculating. Husbands require no "brownie points." Anyway, it is your culture; I'm not interesting in changing it.

Interesting, that is your interpretation, not mine. Him doing nice things for me is greatly appreciated, especially when it’s a surprise. I like to please him too. And yes he does get brownie points. I’m sorry you personally don’t appreciate nice gestures…..which is a little weird. But whatever.

 

[Waynish]

Interesting, that is your interpretation, not mine. Him doing nice things for me is greatly appreciated, especially when it’s a surprise. I like to please him too. And yes he does get brownie points. I’m sorry you personally don’t appreciate nice gestures…..which is a little weird. But whatever.

"I'm sorry you don't appreciate nice gestures" is exactly the kind of passive aggressive thing I'm talking about. This thread is about why your boyfriend is unnecessarily apologetic when someone else at the restaurant did a bad job. Not about a nice gesture. Perhaps how you feel about the thread has changed and now it feels like it is about nice gestures, but I was replying to the original question. Another man said "I had the same thoughts in mind" - so any attempt to make me sound crazy should take that into account. In this case, I don't feel responsible when you are not happy about something

 

[OccamzRazer]

hi,are you muslim?do you watch andrew tate videos?is he someone you esteem as relevant?

Hi,are you a detective of some sort?

 

[Nomane Euger]

Hi,are you a detective of some sort?

i am curious of the different factors that can lead someone to have certains perspectives,speeches,do you see that as problematic?

 

[FocusedOnHealth]

"I'm sorry you don't appreciate nice gestures" is exactly the kind of passive aggressive thing I'm talking about. This thread is about why your boyfriend is unnecessarily apologetic when someone else at the restaurant did a bad job. Not about a nice gesture. Perhaps how you feel about the thread has changed and now it feels like it is about nice gestures, but I was replying to the original question. Another man said "I had the same thoughts in mind" - so any attempt to make me sound crazy should take that into account.

He’s my husband, not my boyfriend

 

[i_nomad]

I see and I agree. Another example, my hubby just surprised me and brought home hot, fresh and oh so delicious bagels from our favorite bagel shop. Yes I know, not Peaty. But soooo good! Did I say gooooood?

And he is very pleased that I am so pleased with his thoughtful gesture. He wins brownie points ??

Saw something recently that was pretty interesting. Despite abuse and adultery rates being virtually identical between men and women, over 80% of divorces are filed by women. Combine that tidbit with the fact that the number one predictor for filing is the husband losing his job, his business or suffering a mental health crisis… it would seem there’s actually a widespread problem with lack of loyalty and resolve - that the role of husband and father is only validated insofar as he can continue providing.

By the way you approach this topic… I can’t imagine this is currently a problem with you, but… within society, men are made painfully aware of the precariousness of their situation by media and popular culture daily. They could lose everything in but a moment… and it would only really be shrugged off as a failure on his part, or perhaps just bad luck, at the very least.

I’m not saying this is on your husband’s mind, at least not consciously, but it likely has an influence.

 

[OccamzRazer]

Husbands require no "brownie points."

Yes, this does sound demeaning/emasculating.

The idea that it is not demeaning is probably reflective of modern culture - as so many things are.

Personally I wouldn't add or subtract 'brownie points' from my SO's activities.

 

[Waynish]

He’s my husband, not my boyfriend

Yep

 

[OccamzRazer]

They could lose everything in but a moment… and it would only really be shrugged off as a failure on his part, or perhaps just bad luck, at the very least.

They sure could. Unless they refrain from getting married to westernised women, or have a dang good prenup :)

 

[Nomane Euger]

Yes, this does sound demeaning/emasculating.

The idea that it is not demeaning is probably reflective of modern culture - as so many things are.

Personally I wouldn't add or subtract 'brownie points' from my SO's activities.

i would argue the opposite,the fact that some men feel emasculated from "brownies points"concept is probably reflective of how fragile are their testicles and their little feeling of masculinity

 

[OccamzRazer]

i would argue the opposite,the fact that some men feel emasculated from "brownies points"concept is probably reflective of how fragile are their testicles and their little feeling of masculinity

hi,what makes you think there is a correlation between testicular fragility and masculinity? And do you have a broken keyboard? If so, why have you not fixed this keyboard yet? I'm genuinely curious.

 

[Waynish]

i would argue the opposite,the fact that some men feel emasculated from "brownies points"concept is probably reflective of how fragile are their testicles and their little feeling of masculinity

You make it very obvious across threads that you're either LGBTQ or a feminist. I notice an influx of that in this forum - and it is common that they overtly ignore the basics of Peat's work while trying to enforce their views. Classic Tikkun olam.
"Seek first to understand, and then to be understood."

 

[Waynish]

Yes, this does sound demeaning/emasculating.

The idea that it is not demeaning is probably reflective of modern culture - as so many things are.

Personally I wouldn't add or subtract 'brownie points' from my SO's activities.

Indeed, it is blatantly a scorecard - as if she is keeping track and/or as if he is not already enough. Again - and I shouldn't have to say again every time - but they likely deserve each other; I'm not placing "more blame on her" vs him.

 

[i_nomad]

hi,what makes you think there is a correlation between testicular fragility and masculinity? And do you have a broken keyboard? If so, why have you not fixed this keyboard yet? I'm genuinely curious.

I’d say we just stop feeding the troll.