Need someone to talk to.

[French.cat]

(REPOST FROM LATE AUGUST)

HI everybody.

I'm a French girl (31 Y.O) so pardon my english. To begin with, I would say that I felt desperate, severely depressed, anxious and hopeless for the most part of my life.
I wasn't able to function well as a kid because I didn't focus at all on my lessons. I lived with a hateful mother and an absent father, which are a logical explanation to my detrimental mental health. I had anorexia at 13 for two years, and bulimia nervosa from age 20 to 28. Later on, in 2015, I've been diagnosed with ADHD and Anxiety. Most of the time, I don't sleep more than 3/4 Hours, and sometimes not at all (except when I eat a lot of carbohydrates, what I've learn thanks to my research on metabolism... I found Ray Peat interview on YouTube and started being passionate with his work). I've severe insomnia since childhood.

Guys, I'm crying in my computer cause... I just want to have a LIFE.

To smile, to digest well, to sleep, to be willing to do something with me instead of suicidal thoughts... and crying all day.
I don't remember anything, I can't focus even while in the cinema, or reading a book. It's like brain fog all the time and anxiety for anything. I also have severe cervical pains due to (my guess) anxiety and lake of physical activity. I tried to work on it though. For the past month, and after having read HEAL YOUR METABOLISM from Kate Deering, I have tried "Ray Peat diet" that Is to say, for me, starch, fruits, meat and liver, orange juice and milk, with some grains on it (from the best source, even if it's not "great" because to all the antinutrients, I know). Honestly, my mood felt really much better. I had less anxiety and neck pain, and felt asleep one hour after my large dinner. The thing is.... I think I have food intolerances, because I had massive crying crisis later on. Or maybe that's just too much carbs for me, and I can't manage to balance my blood sugar properly. I may have pre-diabetes, at least I have all the symptoms. After eating a meal, I generally have blurred vision and fatigue, lake of focus (more than when fasting) and my neck pain worsen. Gluten, dairy or starch intolerances are some ideas....

But I don't know. I'm lost with food.

Also, something that stroke me while adding more carb to my diet, is that I was waking up EXHAUSTED at the morning, with even more neck pain. But that tend to go away when I eat fruits and have milk with it. Well, stress and anxiety are massive reasons for me, and I think bananas and milk calm down my mental breakdown thanks to tryptophan, among other reasons.

KETO was the only thing that ever cured my depression for a month, but as soon as I got fat-adapted I become obsessed with not getting out of ketosis and finally been kicked out of ketosis. I had a serving of potatoes in a restaurant and totally forgot there were actually carbs now I can't get back on track. I tried 5 times in 5 years and I'm exhausted...

Today is my second day of rest cause my 6 month contract is over. I plan to start my own entreprise (I've build up a programme to get rid of bulimia), but, honestly, mu curent "state" of lethargy and weeps makes my freaking out.

Guys, ANY dietary advice or loving support would be so nice

If someone cured his/her depression, just PLEASE, tell me where to start. I'm 31 years and I want to live, it's time to live !!!

Thanks


UPDATE

Well, I'm still in depression, currently taking SSRI's (50 mg of Sertraline) and I don't know what to do to heal my gut. Force Feeding was good at first (eating more "peaty") but I don't have enough money to eat a proper diet now. So I dive into pasta, rice, greek yoghourt and apple because they are cheap.

What are your thoughts about my situation ? @Jennifer I'm back on the forum because I'm desperate to find peace and happiness someday.

I am starting therapy again despite my horrible financial situation because... I just need it.

I think I've had dissociation for the most part of my life, that may be the reason of my poor memory. I am kinda always disconnected.

Only vomiting and sleepless night make me feel alive. What is the link between them ? Cortisol ?

I really need support.

 

[Ben.]

Im typing this on the phone so please pardon my typing mistakes ...

Im sorry you are going trough this and i hope you can get off the ssri eventually.

The brain fog etc. after eating or in general sounds to me like some sort of chronic infection ... maybe fungal. Usually goes hand in hand with poor digestion.

do you have experience with lithium orotate as a alternative to depression meds?
do you do some sort of excercise regularily?
do you get sunshine regularily?
what does your social life look like?
do you have a red light device?
ever tried meditation?
ever tried a dopamine boosting supplement stack?

any experience with essential oils, antifungals, fibers, probiotica, b-vitamins( b3 and b1 in particular), trace elements, glycine, glutamine, bcp- 157 or any other intervention that could help digestion?

i cant tell you what the right path is. the people left on this forum will tell you to do the
anti-vitamin low toxin diet thing. maybe that helps idk.

but what i do know is you need support from people close to you, please reach out to people in your real life aswell.

 

[LLight]

Given that you benefited from the ketogenic diet, you could try to limit your fluid intake to see if it could help your mental health issues, like it did for those child who had epilepsy.

"This degree of fluid limitation is followed by some discomfort on the part of the patient for the first ten days, but in all cases where this initial period has been accomplished, they have maintained the restriction of fluids without difficulty and with no ill effects. It must be born in mind that: unless absolute fluid regulation is maintained, little or no results can be expected.
During the first few days of fluid limitation at this low level it is interesting to note the high output of urine in contrast to the intake. The accumulation of body fluids in excess, from former free intake of fluids, persists for about six days. Following this, there may be a drop in volume of urine passed to below the intake level; again a sharp rise above the intake point with fluctuation for several weeks may occur."

"It is of interest to note that there has never been any pathological urinary findings due to dehydration except, of course, high specific gravity."
"Bauer pointed out that of 25 infants, maintained on a ketogenic diet, he had obtained symptomatic relief on approximatively 35%. When these same infants were placed on fluid limitation and dehydration for one year, he was able to establish 100% symptomatic relief in his group."

"In a later report, he mentions that he had observed 86-88 cases, with similar results."

"We believe that the effectiveness of fasting and the ketogenic diet is due not so much to the presence of ketosis per se as to the associated dehydrating effect."

Ps: a rational for why it could be helpful: Glymphatic system

 

[LLight]

Another way of praticing this:

Try to limit your fluid intake to a window like 8AM to 10AM for a week and please report if it helps you regarding that issue.

I (logically, but it might depend on the amount of fluid I take during that window) don't wake up during the night to go to the bathroom anymore. I also feel like my sleep is somewhat deeper. It also caused me to be "drowsy" at night (even if I feel like it doesn't do it much recently, or is it just that I'm being used to, but I'm experimenting other things like boron, molybdenum and iodine supplementation which might have affected my sleep), a feeling I've very rarely felt during my life, even having major trouble to fell asleep as a child and a young adult.

Some theoretical perspectives:
- vasopressin (the antidiuretic hormone) stimulates melatonin in some studies (on rats), and should be thus maximized before and during your sleep with this fluid drinking window, and by the way IIRC, melatonin is a powerful antioxydant against dehydration in plants;
- it seems like IDP (Intrinsically Disordered Proteins) might play an important role in the mecanism of circadian rythms. The structure of these proteins might be influenced (their arrangement might be more structured) by osmotic stress/osmolytes and thus not drinking fluid might influence circadian rythms synchronization (though a big hypothesis).

That being said, not drinking during such long periods is not necessarily easy at first and might require some "training". One thing is to try to eat foods that are not too dry or to combine dry and "wet" food (learnt recently on this forum that it was a concept of Ayurveda IIRC) not to trigger too much thirst.
I also hypothesize that the water homeostasis issue that some people have (particularly CFS patients I believe) is a fundamental part of their issues. By the way, CFS patients have half the vasopressin levels of controls. Maybe CFS patients have deficiencies of the crucial nutrients that make the water homeostasis possible. These nutrients might be osmolytes themselves, minerals (boron, molybdenum for example) or vitamins (B1 for example).

Sources:

Vasopressin potentiation of the melatonin synthetic pathway via specific V1a receptors in the rat pineal gland - PubMed

The pineal gland releases the "time-keeping' hormone melatonin following a rhythmic sympathetic input which translates light information. The aim of this work was to study the role and mechanism of action of the central vasopressinergic input on pineal cAMP-dependent melatonin synthesis in the...

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Potentiation effect of vasopressin on melatonin secretion as determined by trans-pineal microdialysis in the Rat - PubMed

The mammalian pineal gland is known to receive a noradrenergic innervation originating from the superior cervical ganglion which corresponds to the primary regulatory input for melatonin synthesis. However, many peptidergic fibers containing peptides such as vasopressin and oxytocin have also...

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Intrinsic disorder is an essential characteristic of components in the conserved circadian circuit - Cell Communication and Signaling

Introduction The circadian circuit, a roughly 24 h molecular feedback loop, or clock, is conserved from bacteria to animals and allows for enhanced organismal survival by facilitating the anticipation of the day/night cycle. With circadian regulation reportedly impacting as high as 80% of...

biosignaling.biomedcentral.com

Folding propensity of intrinsically disordered proteins by osmotic stress

Proteins imparted with intrinsic disorder conduct a range of essential cellular functions. To better understand the folding and hydration properties of intrinsically disordered proteins (IDPs), we used osmotic stress to induce conformational changes in ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Osmolyte-Induced Folding of an Intrinsically Disordered Protein: Folding Mechanism in the Absence of Ligand

Understanding the interconversion between thermodynamically distinguishable states present in a protein folding pathway provides not only the kinetics and energetics of protein folding but also insights into the functional roles of these states in biological ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

PS : I've just found this interesting paper on the impact of melatonin on the bladder capacity lol

American Urological Association

You can try with a larger window of time during which you can drink, like until 2PM. Tips: don't salt too much (or at all) your dinner.

 

[Sebastian B]

View: https://youtu.be/m9q2Gcup0_k?si=Ok7pWNf63Sc888jH

 

[Disrupt It All]

(REPOST FROM LATE AUGUST)

HI everybody.

I'm a French girl (31 Y.O) so pardon my english. To begin with, I would say that I felt desperate, severely depressed, anxious and hopeless for the most part of my life.
I wasn't able to function well as a kid because I didn't focus at all on my lessons. I lived with a hateful mother and an absent father, which are a logical explanation to my detrimental mental health. I had anorexia at 13 for two years, and bulimia nervosa from age 20 to 28. Later on, in 2015, I've been diagnosed with ADHD and Anxiety. Most of the time, I don't sleep more than 3/4 Hours, and sometimes not at all (except when I eat a lot of carbohydrates, what I've learn thanks to my research on metabolism... I found Ray Peat interview on YouTube and started being passionate with his work). I've severe insomnia since childhood.

Guys, I'm crying in my computer cause... I just want to have a LIFE.

To smile, to digest well, to sleep, to be willing to do something with me instead of suicidal thoughts... and crying all day.
I don't remember anything, I can't focus even while in the cinema, or reading a book. It's like brain fog all the time and anxiety for anything. I also have severe cervical pains due to (my guess) anxiety and lake of physical activity. I tried to work on it though. For the past month, and after having read HEAL YOUR METABOLISM from Kate Deering, I have tried "Ray Peat diet" that Is to say, for me, starch, fruits, meat and liver, orange juice and milk, with some grains on it (from the best source, even if it's not "great" because to all the antinutrients, I know). Honestly, my mood felt really much better. I had less anxiety and neck pain, and felt asleep one hour after my large dinner. The thing is.... I think I have food intolerances, because I had massive crying crisis later on. Or maybe that's just too much carbs for me, and I can't manage to balance my blood sugar properly. I may have pre-diabetes, at least I have all the symptoms. After eating a meal, I generally have blurred vision and fatigue, lake of focus (more than when fasting) and my neck pain worsen. Gluten, dairy or starch intolerances are some ideas....

But I don't know. I'm lost with food.

Also, something that stroke me while adding more carb to my diet, is that I was waking up EXHAUSTED at the morning, with even more neck pain. But that tend to go away when I eat fruits and have milk with it. Well, stress and anxiety are massive reasons for me, and I think bananas and milk calm down my mental breakdown thanks to tryptophan, among other reasons.

KETO was the only thing that ever cured my depression for a month, but as soon as I got fat-adapted I become obsessed with not getting out of ketosis and finally been kicked out of ketosis. I had a serving of potatoes in a restaurant and totally forgot there were actually carbs now I can't get back on track. I tried 5 times in 5 years and I'm exhausted...

Today is my second day of rest cause my 6 month contract is over. I plan to start my own entreprise (I've build up a programme to get rid of bulimia), but, honestly, mu curent "state" of lethargy and weeps makes my freaking out.

Guys, ANY dietary advice or loving support would be so nice

If someone cured his/her depression, just PLEASE, tell me where to start. I'm 31 years and I want to live, it's time to live !!!

Thanks


UPDATE

Well, I'm still in depression, currently taking SSRI's (50 mg of Sertraline) and I don't know what to do to heal my gut. Force Feeding was good at first (eating more "peaty") but I don't have enough money to eat a proper diet now. So I dive into pasta, rice, greek yoghourt and apple because they are cheap.

What are your thoughts about my situation ? @Jennifer I'm back on the forum because I'm desperate to find peace and happiness someday.

I am starting therapy again despite my horrible financial situation because... I just need it.

I think I've had dissociation for the most part of my life, that may be the reason of my poor memory. I am kinda always disconnected.

Only vomiting and sleepless night make me feel alive. What is the link between them ? Cortisol ?

I really need support.

Bonjour. Your symptoms sound very similar to what I had with PTSD. Definitely sounds like really high cortisol. This is what helped me.

1. Eat simple easy to digest food. Rice, meat, well cooked potatoes, soaked oats. Be careful with milk and citrus fruit or anything that your stomach can’t handle.

2. Stop coffee or any caffeine immediately. This is a massive stressor to an already super stressed organism and rises cortisol like hellfire.

3. Go for walks every day for at least an hour, preferably in nature. This reduces cortisol massively and fast.

4. Meditate for twenty minutes twice per day. Shutting your mind of and teaching yourself to control and turn off negative thoughts is huge.

5. Do simple mundane tasks that help switch the mind off. Cleaning the house, sweep the yard etc etc.

6. Two hours before you’d like to go to sleep do twenty minutes of deep slow diaphragmatic breath work ( nasal breathing ) This will automatically relax the body & mind ready for a good sleep.

7. Jump in bed with a good book. Fiction usually works best for this. The moment you feel your eyes start closing it’s sleep time.

Hope this helps. Anytime I find myself in a tight spot this procedure usually snaps me out of it within two days.

 

[Samurai Drive]

Hey French girl, wishing you well.

Many possible advices but think you should be easy on yourself. Good Healing happens slowly over time, 31 is a good age to heal.

Best wishes x

 

[WonMore]

@French.cat I think you should try to eat plain sugar for your calories. This is still quite cheap, so helpful considering your financial problems. From that basis, in the meantime, you can test for other foods, which ones are less problematic for you. If you are able to stomach dissolved gelatin, that would be beneficial, so you would have your protein requirements covered along with opposing endotoxins and serotonin.
Have you tried to get off SSRI? It may as well be the cause, people have their digestion destroyed by SSRIs

 

[mattmm24]

@French.cat I think you should try to eat plain sugar for your calories. This is still quite cheap, so helpful considering your financial problems. From that basis, in the meantime, you can test for other foods, which ones are less problematic for you. If you are able to stomach dissolved gelatin, that would be beneficial, so you would have your protein requirements covered along with opposing endotoxins and serotonin.
Have you tried to get off SSRI? It may as well be the cause, people have their digestion destroyed by SSRIs

She’s telling you she has digestive problems and you reccomend plain sugar??? Please do not take this advice.

(REPOST FROM LATE AUGUST)

HI everybody.

I'm a French girl (31 Y.O) so pardon my english. To begin with, I would say that I felt desperate, severely depressed, anxious and hopeless for the most part of my life.
I wasn't able to function well as a kid because I didn't focus at all on my lessons. I lived with a hateful mother and an absent father, which are a logical explanation to my detrimental mental health. I had anorexia at 13 for two years, and bulimia nervosa from age 20 to 28. Later on, in 2015, I've been diagnosed with ADHD and Anxiety. Most of the time, I don't sleep more than 3/4 Hours, and sometimes not at all (except when I eat a lot of carbohydrates, what I've learn thanks to my research on metabolism... I found Ray Peat interview on YouTube and started being passionate with his work). I've severe insomnia since childhood.

Guys, I'm crying in my computer cause... I just want to have a LIFE.

To smile, to digest well, to sleep, to be willing to do something with me instead of suicidal thoughts... and crying all day.
I don't remember anything, I can't focus even while in the cinema, or reading a book. It's like brain fog all the time and anxiety for anything. I also have severe cervical pains due to (my guess) anxiety and lake of physical activity. I tried to work on it though. For the past month, and after having read HEAL YOUR METABOLISM from Kate Deering, I have tried "Ray Peat diet" that Is to say, for me, starch, fruits, meat and liver, orange juice and milk, with some grains on it (from the best source, even if it's not "great" because to all the antinutrients, I know). Honestly, my mood felt really much better. I had less anxiety and neck pain, and felt asleep one hour after my large dinner. The thing is.... I think I have food intolerances, because I had massive crying crisis later on. Or maybe that's just too much carbs for me, and I can't manage to balance my blood sugar properly. I may have pre-diabetes, at least I have all the symptoms. After eating a meal, I generally have blurred vision and fatigue, lake of focus (more than when fasting) and my neck pain worsen. Gluten, dairy or starch intolerances are some ideas....

But I don't know. I'm lost with food.

Also, something that stroke me while adding more carb to my diet, is that I was waking up EXHAUSTED at the morning, with even more neck pain. But that tend to go away when I eat fruits and have milk with it. Well, stress and anxiety are massive reasons for me, and I think bananas and milk calm down my mental breakdown thanks to tryptophan, among other reasons.

KETO was the only thing that ever cured my depression for a month, but as soon as I got fat-adapted I become obsessed with not getting out of ketosis and finally been kicked out of ketosis. I had a serving of potatoes in a restaurant and totally forgot there were actually carbs now I can't get back on track. I tried 5 times in 5 years and I'm exhausted...

Today is my second day of rest cause my 6 month contract is over. I plan to start my own entreprise (I've build up a programme to get rid of bulimia), but, honestly, mu curent "state" of lethargy and weeps makes my freaking out.

Guys, ANY dietary advice or loving support would be so nice

If someone cured his/her depression, just PLEASE, tell me where to start. I'm 31 years and I want to live, it's time to live !!!

Thanks


UPDATE

Well, I'm still in depression, currently taking SSRI's (50 mg of Sertraline) and I don't know what to do to heal my gut. Force Feeding was good at first (eating more "peaty") but I don't have enough money to eat a proper diet now. So I dive into pasta, rice, greek yoghourt and apple because they are cheap.

What are your thoughts about my situation ? @Jennifer I'm back on the forum because I'm desperate to find peace and happiness someday.

I am starting therapy again despite my horrible financial situation because... I just need it.

I think I've had dissociation for the most part of my life, that may be the reason of my poor memory. I am kinda always disconnected.

Only vomiting and sleepless night make me feel alive. What is the link between them ? Cortisol ?

I really need support.

I have a friend on SSRIs and it completely changed him. Personality different, gained a bunch of weight, no motivation anymore. It’s sad. So first. You need to slowly get off the SSRIs. Your doctor will tell you to stay on them the rest of your life. I can’t tell you what the best way to get off of them is. But common sense would be take a little less and a little less and a little less. But I’m sure you are going to have to figure out supporting supplements while you are getting off of them.

Then diet is hard for everyone because there are so many different views. From my personal experience a diet of meat (beef, chicken, Turkey, lamb) and cooked vegetables is the absolute best diet you can be on. The best part about this diet is there are no sugars, no endotoxins, high in nutrients, lower in phosphorus, and it’s relatively simple. You might need an instant pot. You can add in some other foods too but that’s the basis of the diet. This diet heals you. Because it doesn’t stimulate you, so your body can recover on its own. Plus you are getting tons of nutrients.

I don’t know what supplrments you need to get off SSRIs. But I can almost guarantee you need magnesium and a lot of potassium. You can get the potassium from the diet.

The main thing is eat a balanced diet and slowly get off SSRIs. I wouldn’t try to guess with a bunch of supplements until you have gotten off the drugs.

 

[frederic]

(REPOST FROM LATE AUGUST)

HI everybody.

I'm a French girl (31 Y.O) so pardon my english. To begin with, I would say that I felt desperate, severely depressed, anxious and hopeless for the most part of my life.
I wasn't able to function well as a kid because I didn't focus at all on my lessons. I lived with a hateful mother and an absent father, which are a logical explanation to my detrimental mental health. I had anorexia at 13 for two years, and bulimia nervosa from age 20 to 28. Later on, in 2015, I've been diagnosed with ADHD and Anxiety. Most of the time, I don't sleep more than 3/4 Hours, and sometimes not at all (except when I eat a lot of carbohydrates, what I've learn thanks to my research on metabolism... I found Ray Peat interview on YouTube and started being passionate with his work). I've severe insomnia since childhood.

Salut,

I'm French and have been battling with issues similar to yours. Massive insomnia (maybe worse than yours), digestive issues, food allergies, anxiety, blurry vision, intolerance to cold, intolerance to effort, etc. I have suffered for over 10 years. I too wanted my life back.

Using this forum as a starting point, I could figure out what my problem was. I am getting my life back. So, as far as physiology is concerned, it is doable. Now, regarding your mental health: I do believe that so called mental issues are exacerbated by toxicity - when they are not purely caused by it. It is my story at least. Lack of sleep alone can drive you crazy.

Your current diet is less than optimal, to say the least.
Also, Ray Peat is a dead end (sorry).
My advice: follow the low vitamin A diet. It is the only detox that works.

If you need help regarding that diet, give me call (my number is in pm). Same if you want to talk. I know how lonely misery can be.
N'hésite pas.

 

[TheDogsDid-It!]

(REPOST FROM LATE AUGUST)

HI everybody.

I'm a French girl (31 Y.O) so pardon my english. To begin with, I would say that I felt desperate, severely depressed, anxious and hopeless for the most part of my life.
I wasn't able to function well as a kid because I didn't focus at all on my lessons. I lived with a hateful mother and an absent father, which are a logical explanation to my detrimental mental health. I had anorexia at 13 for two years, and bulimia nervosa from age 20 to 28. Later on, in 2015, I've been diagnosed with ADHD and Anxiety. Most of the time, I don't sleep more than 3/4 Hours, and sometimes not at all (except when I eat a lot of carbohydrates, what I've learn thanks to my research on metabolism... I found Ray Peat interview on YouTube and started being passionate with his work). I've severe insomnia since childhood.

Guys, I'm crying in my computer cause... I just want to have a LIFE.

To smile, to digest well, to sleep, to be willing to do something with me instead of suicidal thoughts... and crying all day.
I don't remember anything, I can't focus even while in the cinema, or reading a book. It's like brain fog all the time and anxiety for anything. I also have severe cervical pains due to (my guess) anxiety and lake of physical activity. I tried to work on it though. For the past month, and after having read HEAL YOUR METABOLISM from Kate Deering, I have tried "Ray Peat diet" that Is to say, for me, starch, fruits, meat and liver, orange juice and milk, with some grains on it (from the best source, even if it's not "great" because to all the antinutrients, I know). Honestly, my mood felt really much better. I had less anxiety and neck pain, and felt asleep one hour after my large dinner. The thing is.... I think I have food intolerances, because I had massive crying crisis later on. Or maybe that's just too much carbs for me, and I can't manage to balance my blood sugar properly. I may have pre-diabetes, at least I have all the symptoms. After eating a meal, I generally have blurred vision and fatigue, lake of focus (more than when fasting) and my neck pain worsen. Gluten, dairy or starch intolerances are some ideas....

But I don't know. I'm lost with food.

Also, something that stroke me while adding more carb to my diet, is that I was waking up EXHAUSTED at the morning, with even more neck pain. But that tend to go away when I eat fruits and have milk with it. Well, stress and anxiety are massive reasons for me, and I think bananas and milk calm down my mental breakdown thanks to tryptophan, among other reasons.

KETO was the only thing that ever cured my depression for a month, but as soon as I got fat-adapted I become obsessed with not getting out of ketosis and finally been kicked out of ketosis. I had a serving of potatoes in a restaurant and totally forgot there were actually carbs now I can't get back on track. I tried 5 times in 5 years and I'm exhausted...

Today is my second day of rest cause my 6 month contract is over. I plan to start my own entreprise (I've build up a programme to get rid of bulimia), but, honestly, mu curent "state" of lethargy and weeps makes my freaking out.

Guys, ANY dietary advice or loving support would be so nice

If someone cured his/her depression, just PLEASE, tell me where to start. I'm 31 years and I want to live, it's time to live !!!

Thanks


UPDATE

Well, I'm still in depression, currently taking SSRI's (50 mg of Sertraline) and I don't know what to do to heal my gut. Force Feeding was good at first (eating more "peaty") but I don't have enough money to eat a proper diet now. So I dive into pasta, rice, greek yoghourt and apple because they are cheap.

What are your thoughts about my situation ? @Jennifer I'm back on the forum because I'm desperate to find peace and happiness someday.

I am starting therapy again despite my horrible financial situation because... I just need it.

I think I've had dissociation for the most part of my life, that may be the reason of my poor memory. I am kinda always disconnected.

Only vomiting and sleepless night make me feel alive. What is the link between them ? Cortisol ?

I really need support.

Hello,

Rarely it is that you can completely know a person from just the few words time allows them to write, but I can tell from yours that, you're amazing. When I read your story, my first impression was: This is a person that is listening to the messages her body is sending her, and cares enough to go back to her beginning and experiences, in order to put everything into perspective to understand. In doing so, you do have what it takes to move in the direction you seek to go with better health and vitality for life.

I'm not a professional in anything related to biology or psychology. I'm just a seeker and experiencer like you, but more than twice your age, and almost identical with my beginnings and experiences. The angry mom and absent father...I learned they were like me too; each with their own struggles while trying to evolve; or maybe just absent and unaware of their effects on others, because they were so distracted and focused on just trying to survive. My older siblings had it much worse than I, with genes from a different father, which carried them into schizophrenia and one of the two so dangerous, I had to watch his every movement to detect the inevitable violent rampages and run.

Early on I didn't know or understand the signals my body was sending me. I was too distracted with trying to survive I guess. I lost all my hair, and the jokes and bullying from being so different... I only know from what my family tells me, because I can't remember. I only remember my dad getting so upset at that point, probably feeling it was his fault and trying to put all my food in a blender to force me to drink, because like you, I didn't eat. But that was the switch/trigger/enlightenment moment for me. I was maybe eight. I was so shocked it took hair for him to notice; so shocked hair could be that important. I asked him why he was so upset about just hair. He said, "You will be bullied and it will be hard growing up". I looked at him and said, "You don't have a leg dad, are you bullied"? (he lost it in WWII). He said, "No, because I'm older and bigger than you, and nobody would dare mess with me". So I thought to myself, "Well, I'm not old or big but I am smarter, because I know difference between the value of a leg and just hair". I told him I was smarter than him, and he laughed soooo hard. Somehow his unspoken words and the sparkle in his eyes told me I was right. At least, that is what I made it mean for me to move on.

All of the above were blessings in my life, because I just knew I had smarts and it became my entertainment to be in wonder with trying to figure it all out. I had the perfect dysfunctional family to observe and learn from and I love them all deeply, but I announced one day at the age of 15 that, I was leaving before I ended up like any of them!! And I did. I left them AND I ended up just like them, because I learned we always are where we need to be in order to evolve. We learn a little and move on, and we learn a little more and move further, but we are always where we need to be for each step of the way.

There are so many shortcuts these days that I didn't have while trying to address health issues and their hidden causes. Microbiome testing (I did that recently), is helpful, but only a snapshot in time. The recommended foods and stay away from other foods didn't work for me. There is now DNA testing (I did that too), and found it more insightful, but I feel the science is still lacking and may always be lacking for the full picture, because there is something more important called Epigenetics. Learning more about Epigenetics was eye opening for me and fascinates me completely. It really opens your world into possibilities with understanding your emotions and the effects on your body, and how to create that partnership between your mind, body and spirit. You might want to learn more from the teachings of Bruce Lipton. He has many videos on YouTube. There is limitless amounts of information too, from Bruce Lipton; Dr. Joe Dispenza and other professionals in the field on Gaia.com. Whenever I feel lost for directions with health, meditation, inspiration..I go there and that is my shortcut these days.

Success can't be measured, it can only be felt. Keep seeking, keep trying, and you will feel and experience success, because you are obviously very smart. One of life's most profound feelings is overcoming struggles and using them to help yourself and others.

 

[WonMore]

She’s telling you she has digestive problems and you reccomend plain sugar??? Please do not take this advice.

Obviously I do.
You are very mistaken, further down your post, ascribing endotoxins to sugars and simultaneously excluding it from vegetables. Sucrase, enzyme that breaks down white sugar, is readily secreted by intestine and usually 100% of it is absorbed. And all vegetables have fiber, which, by definition, is undigestible and at least some of it is gonna be degraded by bacteria, thus producing endotoxins.

Edit: I see now that you rather enlisted sugar and endotoxins with comma, not necessarily as cause and effect, but "no sugar" as general advantage. Well, considering we are on Ray Peat forum I leave this with no comment.

 

[mattmm24]

Obviously I do.
You are very mistaken, further down your post, ascribing endotoxins to sugars and simultaneously excluding it from vegetables. Sucrase, enzyme that breaks down white sugar, is readily secreted by intestine and usually 100% of it is absorbed. And all vegetables have fiber, which, by definition, is undigestible and at least some of it is gonna be degraded by bacteria, thus producing endotoxins.

Edit: I see now that you rather enlisted sugar and endotoxins with comma, not necessarily as cause and effect, but "no sugar" as general advantage. Well, considering we are on Ray Peat forum I leave this with no comment.

There is a difference between cooked vegetables and raw vegetables. I am not suggesting raw vegetables. You cook them to break down the fiber. That is where all the nutrients are. Once you cook them they are the easiest food to digest. Most people have horrible digestion. Food just sits in the stomach.
Sugar is dehydrating and stimulating. If you want to heal your body you have to get it into a parasympathetic state.
Once you experience putting your body in this state consistently, your body starts healing. And actually you’ll feel more tired at first. But then all your health issues will start disappearing bc your healing at a deeper level.
Pro metabolic is nonsense bc most people have excess heavy metals and are sick. There adrenals are burned out. They are hypo And they are trying to do more and more stimulating stuff. Most people are numb. You need energy to feel your emotions.

 

[French.cat]

Im typing this on the phone so please pardon my typing mistakes ...

Im sorry you are going trough this and i hope you can get off the ssri eventually.

The brain fog etc. after eating or in general sounds to me like some sort of chronic infection ... maybe fungal. Usually goes hand in hand with poor digestion.

do you have experience with lithium orotate as a alternative to depression meds?
do you do some sort of excercise regularily?
do you get sunshine regularily?
what does your social life look like?
do you have a red light device?
ever tried meditation?
ever tried a dopamine boosting supplement stack?

any experience with essential oils, antifungals, fibers, probiotica, b-vitamins( b3 and b1 in particular), trace elements, glycine, glutamine, bcp- 157 or any other intervention that could help digestion?

i cant tell you what the right path is. the people left on this forum will tell you to do the
anti-vitamin low toxin diet thing. maybe that helps idk.

but what i do know is you need support from people close to you, please reach out to people in your real life aswell.

Hey thanks for reaching out !

I never tried lithium but I have a neuroleptic to help me sleep. If I don't take it, most of the time I don't sleep at all.
That's how much my nervous system is dysregulated

I get sunshine regularly and exercice 4 times a week, but lately I had to stop because of lack of calories...
Today I went groceries thanks to my older brother who gave me money, but I'm so broken. That sucks !

Meditation makes me overwhelmed.
Dopamine supplement yes, I used to take tyrosine but I got too expensive for me. I worked good on my focus when I eat enough, but I fasted too much at this time (2 years ago).

I don't have a lot of people in real life, I'm very lonely.
Thanks for your concern, by the way. It's really appreciated :)

P.S : last time I tried over feeding (2500-3000 calories) I had soooo much energy that I wanted to run and go to the gym everyday.
I'll try that again as soon as my bank account agrees ^^
I'll maybe work this summer (in a restaurant).

 

[French.cat]

Another way of praticing this:

You can try with a larger window of time during which you can drink, like until 2PM. Tips: don't salt too much (or at all) your dinner.

Hey !
I've already tried but It worsen all my symptoms : anxiety, brain fog, depression, lack of focus...
In opposite, drinking 1L of OJ a day with some goat milk helped a lot.
My current problem is my financial situation. I eat thanks to my older brother

 

[French.cat]

View: https://youtu.be/m9q2Gcup0_k?si=Ok7pWNf63Sc888jH

Great !! Thanks :)

 

[French.cat]

Bonjour. Your symptoms sound very similar to what I had with PTSD. Definitely sounds like really high cortisol. This is what helped me.

1. Eat simple easy to digest food. Rice, meat, well cooked potatoes, soaked oats. Be careful with milk and citrus fruit or anything that your stomach can’t handle.

2. Stop coffee or any caffeine immediately. This is a massive stressor to an already super stressed organism and rises cortisol like hellfire.

3. Go for walks every day for at least an hour, preferably in nature. This reduces cortisol massively and fast.

4. Meditate for twenty minutes twice per day. Shutting your mind of and teaching yourself to control and turn off negative thoughts is huge.

5. Do simple mundane tasks that help switch the mind off. Cleaning the house, sweep the yard etc etc.

6. Two hours before you’d like to go to sleep do twenty minutes of deep slow diaphragmatic breath work ( nasal breathing ) This will automatically relax the body & mind ready for a good sleep.

7. Jump in bed with a good book. Fiction usually works best for this. The moment you feel your eyes start closing it’s sleep time.

Hope this helps. Anytime I find myself in a tight spot this procedure usually snaps me out of it within two days.

Thanks for reaching out !
PTSD is most likely the main problem here, I agree. I will take inspiration from your advices.
Unfortunately, coffee is the only thing that alleviates my fatigue and depression... I don't know what to do with your information then...
I could try reducing it from 2 to 1 a day.

 

[French.cat]

@French.cat I think you should try to eat plain sugar for your calories. This is still quite cheap, so helpful considering your financial problems. From that basis, in the meantime, you can test for other foods, which ones are less problematic for you. If you are able to stomach dissolved gelatin, that would be beneficial, so you would have your protein requirements covered along with opposing endotoxins and serotonin.
Have you tried to get off SSRI? It may as well be the cause, people have their digestion destroyed by SSRIs

It's a good idea. Actually I feel great with OJ so, instead of plain sugar, that helps a lot with my fatigue.

No, SSRI'S actually helps a lot with my digestive issues, by calming the nervous system I guess. I am under Sertraline since last January so it's really new.
It helps to avoid suicidal thoughts.

 

[French.cat]

Hello,

Rarely it is that you can completely know a person from just the few words time allows them to write, but I can tell from yours that, you're amazing. When I read your story, my first impression was: This is a person that is listening to the messages her body is sending her, and cares enough to go back to her beginning and experiences, in order to put everything into perspective to understand. In doing so, you do have what it takes to move in the direction you seek to go with better health and vitality for life.

I'm not a professional in anything related to biology or psychology. I'm just a seeker and experiencer like you, but more than twice your age, and almost identical with my beginnings and experiences. The angry mom and absent father...I learned they were like me too; each with their own struggles while trying to evolve; or maybe just absent and unaware of their effects on others, because they were so distracted and focused on just trying to survive. My older siblings had it much worse than I, with genes from a different father, which carried them into schizophrenia and one of the two so dangerous, I had to watch his every movement to detect the inevitable violent rampages and run.

Early on I didn't know or understand the signals my body was sending me. I was too distracted with trying to survive I guess. I lost all my hair, and the jokes and bullying from being so different... I only know from what my family tells me, because I can't remember. I only remember my dad getting so upset at that point, probably feeling it was his fault and trying to put all my food in a blender to force me to drink, because like you, I didn't eat. But that was the switch/trigger/enlightenment moment for me. I was maybe eight. I was so shocked it took hair for him to notice; so shocked hair could be that important. I asked him why he was so upset about just hair. He said, "You will be bullied and it will be hard growing up". I looked at him and said, "You don't have a leg dad, are you bullied"? (he lost it in WWII). He said, "No, because I'm older and bigger than you, and nobody would dare mess with me". So I thought to myself, "Well, I'm not old or big but I am smarter, because I know difference between the value of a leg and just hair". I told him I was smarter than him, and he laughed soooo hard. Somehow his unspoken words and the sparkle in his eyes told me I was right. At least, that is what I made it mean for me to move on.

All of the above were blessings in my life, because I just knew I had smarts and it became my entertainment to be in wonder with trying to figure it all out. I had the perfect dysfunctional family to observe and learn from and I love them all deeply, but I announced one day at the age of 15 that, I was leaving before I ended up like any of them!! And I did. I left them AND I ended up just like them, because I learned we always are where we need to be in order to evolve. We learn a little and move on, and we learn a little more and move further, but we are always where we need to be for each step of the way.

There are so many shortcuts these days that I didn't have while trying to address health issues and their hidden causes. Microbiome testing (I did that recently), is helpful, but only a snapshot in time. The recommended foods and stay away from other foods didn't work for me. There is now DNA testing (I did that too), and found it more insightful, but I feel the science is still lacking and may always be lacking for the full picture, because there is something more important called Epigenetics. Learning more about Epigenetics was eye opening for me and fascinates me completely. It really opens your world into possibilities with understanding your emotions and the effects on your body, and how to create that partnership between your mind, body and spirit. You might want to learn more from the teachings of Bruce Lipton. He has many videos on YouTube. There is limitless amounts of information too, from Bruce Lipton; Dr. Joe Dispenza and other professionals in the field on Gaia.com. Whenever I feel lost for directions with health, meditation, inspiration..I go there and that is my shortcut these days.

Success can't be measured, it can only be felt. Keep seeking, keep trying, and you will feel and experience success, because you are obviously very smart. One of life's most profound feelings is overcoming struggles and using them to help yourself and others.

Thanks for your great advices, I read everything with all my attentions. As a christian, I don't trust a lot of mainstreams gurus like Joe Dispenza, but if it helps you heal, then I'm happy for you !

A sentence stroke me by the way "we always are where we need to be in order to evolve". I 100 % agree with that, but I think sometimes I lost hope because of aaaaall the energy I put on my life, just to fail again and again. Honestly, I only had few good days in my whole life, and that's hard to stand.

You seem to be a very nice person, thanks again.

 

[French.cat]

There is a difference between cooked vegetables and raw vegetables. I am not suggesting raw vegetables. You cook them to break down the fiber. That is where all the nutrients are. Once you cook them they are the easiest food to digest. Most people have horrible digestion. Food just sits in the stomach.
Sugar is dehydrating and stimulating. If you want to heal your body you have to get it into a parasympathetic state.
Once you experience putting your body in this state consistently, your body starts healing. And actually you’ll feel more tired at first. But then all your health issues will start disappearing bc your healing at a deeper level.
Pro metabolic is nonsense bc most people have excess heavy metals and are sick. There adrenals are burned out. They are hypo And they are trying to do more and more stimulating stuff. Most people are numb. You need energy to feel your emotions.

Oh my god ! Your two last sentences hit hard : "Most people are numb. You need energy to feel your emotions."
That"s exactly how I feel most of the time, NUMB. Sometimes when people are nice to me I force myself to smile because I am so dead inside that nothing pleases me much. And when I went into ketosis, the situation completely changes, I was happy for no reasons !!
I think my brain metabolism is just dysfunctional.