troubledtimes
Member
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2020
- Messages
- 167
latley ive been asking for help. id like to hear from an outside perspective weather its good or bad on what i describe as myself. it might be a high functioning level of autism? in alot of ways i was a normal kid i had a select few friends who i would play video games with, pokemon cards were a big thing at that time and the gameboy games. i liked skateboarding and pretty much typical things alot of kids did only i was one of the 2 or 3 kids in the class who didnt do there school work. i could read, write but i literally had no clue why i was at school. i didnt do my homework or barley any work in class. i was not bouncing off the walls speaking very fast either like ADHD but i would say maybe i had the slow witted non attentive ADD? my mind was basically blank through grades 1-8. id try to listen to what the teacher was explaining but my brain was just NOT on i couldnt remember or absorb information. became one of the kids who got bad grades and basically an outcast the other kids thought i was a loser and not cool i was deffinitley judged. but i DID like exercise and always got 75% in gym class because i had good motor skills and of course failed the education and written part of phy ed. recess or lunch break running around i liked that i was social than but in the classroom i deffinitley was the opposite. didnt want to be called on, didnt want to be there, just waited for school to be over with really to go home and enjoy things that i liked. now of course following me to when i turned into an adult these problems followed... going for job interviews i literally did not even care about selling myself... answered questions in a monotone voice, if i was lucky to get a job i deffinitley did NOT excel at it and i was not a hard worker to be straight up BUT not because i didnt want to be i forwhatever reason just felt out of my element? didnt have the drive or desire to be there? to this day the anxiety and depression has got worse and im sure only amplified because of my struggles growing up and just not seeing eye to eye how ur "suppose to act" in this world... can someone explain or give input here? it would help. could alot of my issues be ADD and low frontal lobe activity? a lower output of dopamine compared to other people? i was a worrier growing up to so ADD mixed with depression and anxiety? or is this a form of autism? or aspergers disease? like there are some people who have bi polar 2 and they have a productive side to them atleast ( i am deffinitley not bi polar anything im always just dim, down and anxious for the record) but i know people who are work a holics and stay up 3 or 4 days studying or doing work and sometimes i WISH my brain turned on like that! i just dont get it.... i really dont get it. ive tryed ritalin and vyvanse a few months ago just so what they would do and literally they did nothing for me..... there amphetamines and they didnt do anything?? maybe adderall would have been more potent and noticeable. maybe i was born with damaged frontal lobes of my brain or this is some kind of developmental disorder in the brain? i dont know why my brain is not lit up and working like other peoples... im just trying to help myself out here and understand what the hell is wrong with me all these years[/QUOTE]
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