Legitimate Question: Why Do Guys Feel Responcible If Their Wife/Girlfriend Is Not Happy About Something?

[Zsazsa]

Funny but true? (see the reply tweet)

View: https://twitter.com/JoaoRicardo2012/status/1517342769743859713

 

[FocusedOnHealth]

What makes you happy makes him happy

There’s a lot of truth to that

 

[Waynish]

Sounds like he is Scandinavian or something :P
It is how many modern men are; walking on egg shells. Not all men feel the need to apologize for things that are not their fault. It is, at the very least, a bad habit.

 

[dreamcatcher]

@FocusedOnHealth perhaps the book 'Men are from Mars Women are from Venus' would give you some insight.

 

[FocusedOnHealth]

Sounds like he is Scandinavian or something :P
It is how many modern men are; walking on egg shells. Not all men feel the need to apologize for things that are not their fault. It is, at the very least, a bad habit.

I wouldn’t say that. He doesn’t walk on eggshells around me. He’s very much his own person, but when it comes to dining out he tends to feel responcible when I don’t like the meal I ordered, as I noted in in my first post.

 

[Waynish]

I wouldn’t say that. He doesn’t walk on eggshells around me. He’s very much his own person, but when it comes to dining out he tends to feel responcible when I don’t like the meal I ordered, as I noted in in my first post.

If you were my wife, then I certainly wouldn't want you talking to a bunch of strangers about such personal details online. It is why Muslims are doing so well in UK and Scandinavia; women respond well to dominance whether they know it or not. Women without dominance go seeking it and/or create it in themselves to adapt. This is a normal response to today's environment. Perhaps you are a perfect match.

 

[dreamcatcher]

If you were my wife, then I certainly wouldn't want you talking to a bunch of strangers about such personal details online. It is why Muslims are doing so well in UK and Scandinavia; women respond well to dominance whether they know it or not. Women without dominance go seeking it and/or create it in themselves to adapt. This is a normal response to today's environment. Perhaps you are a perfect match.

I had the same thoughts in mind.

 

[ReSTART]

People don't understand the value of "whose business is this"

It's your business

It's God's business

It's my business.

Very very few things are someone else's business. I am indebted to Byron Katie for this.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJnGy00OPKI


It isn't your business if your husband feels blame if you don't like the food in a restaurant. It's his business.

facts
its because your husband cares about you @FocusedOnHealth

 

[FocusedOnHealth]

If you were my wife, then I certainly wouldn't want you talking to a bunch of strangers about such personal details online. It is why Muslims are doing so well in UK and Scandinavia; women respond well to dominance whether they know it or not. Women without dominance go seeking it and/or create it in themselves to adapt. This is a normal response to today's environment. Perhaps you are a perfect match.

Okayyyy, I didn’t think what I said was all that personal. I wanted to get a perspective from others opinions. It’s not like it’s some deep dark secret Lol. The responses have actually been helpful in regards to hearing from a guy’s POV.

 

[I'm.No.One]

I think it can be a natural response to an extent but there are some kinda red flag question you might consider asking yourself:

Do you end up having to deal with his emotions? Like when he's upset that something went wrong for you do you have to comfort him? Talk him down? Minimize your experience to minimize his reaction?

Think about this awhile before you answer yourself.

If you said yes to any of that, stop that sh!t in it's tracks.

It's a weird form of, albeit typically subconscious, emotional abuse that can go way beyond him being upset about your meal not being cooked correctly.

He's basically stealing your emotional reaction from you.

People will probably scoff at me for this but I lived this & it started pretty much just how you're experiencing it.

In fact, it wasn't until someone pointed it out to me that I began learning about/seeing this behavior was more prevalent than I had realized. We don't often see what we're accustomed to.

Personal example:

A long time ago on my birthday I wanted to die my hair a few shades darker to match my roots that had naturally darkened, for some reason the die went much darker than it said it would.

I was bummed out by it, wasn't angry/loud or anything like that, just disappointed, my husband became so upset that the dye wasn't what I wanted I spent my entire birthday feeling him be upset/talking him down about it being okay....

It wasn't a fight, he wasn't mean, it was just like how it feels when you're trying to talk down an upset kid maybe or you know a person is upset so you have to walk on eggshells around them?

This made me ask basically what you did & I realized/learned about this type of emotional theft.

Now, of course it's normal for someone to be like damn...they messed up your food, it's even okay sometimes for someone to try to solve that problem.

But if I had to guess, this wasn't the first time, & because it was enough for you to ask about it, it's likely more than him just being empathetic to your meal being cruddy.

Pointing this out to my husband & helping him see how he was acting in time vastly improved our relationship.

I also don't think it's something like "some men are chronic women pleasers"? it's more like a weird have unresolved mothering issues & they want to be coddled when something goes wrong around them sh!t.

Anyhow, just something to consider.

 

[FocusedOnHealth]

If you were my wife, then I certainly wouldn't want you talking to a bunch of strangers about such personal details online. It is why Muslims are doing so well in UK and Scandinavia; women respond well to dominance whether they know it or not. Women without dominance go seeking it and/or create it in themselves to adapt. This is a normal response to today's environment. Perhaps you are a perfect match.

I have no idea about what you mean when you say “It is why Muslims are doing so well in UK and Scandinavia; women respond well to dominance whether they know it or not. Woman without dominance go seeking it and/or create it in themselves to adapt”

What does that statement you said have ANYTHING to do with my topic?

 

[FocusedOnHealth]

I think it can be a natural response to an extent but there are some kinda red flag question you might consider asking yourself:

Do you end up having to deal with his emotions? Like when he's upset that something went wrong for you do you have to comfort him? Talk him down? Minimize your experience to minimize his reaction?

Think about this awhile before you answer yourself.

If you said yes to any of that, stop that sh!t in it's tracks.

It's a weird form of, albeit typically subconscious, emotional abuse that can go way beyond him being upset about your meal not being cooked correctly.

He's basically stealing your emotional reaction from you.

People will probably scoff at me for this but I lived this & it started pretty much just how you're experiencing it.

In fact, it wasn't until someone pointed it out to me that I began learning about/seeing this behavior was more prevalent than I had realized. We don't often see what we're accustomed to.

Personal example:

A long time ago on my birthday I wanted to die my hair a few shades darker to match my roots that had naturally darkened, for some reason the die went much darker than it said it would.

I was bummed out by it, wasn't angry/loud or anything like that, just disappointed, my husband became so upset that the dye wasn't what I wanted I spent my entire birthday feeling him be upset/talking him down about it being okay....

It wasn't a fight, he wasn't mean, it was just like how it feels when you're trying to talk down an upset kid maybe or you know a person is upset so you have to walk on eggshells around them?

This made me ask basically what you did & I realized/learned about this type of emotional theft.

Now, of course it's normal for someone to be like damn...they messed up your food, it's even okay sometimes for someone to try to solve that problem.

But if I had to guess, this wasn't the first time, & because it was enough for you to ask about it, it's likely more than him just being empathetic to your meal being cruddy.

Pointing this out to my husband & helping him see how he was acting in time vastly improved our relationship.

I also don't think it's something like "some men are chronic women pleasers"? it's more like a weird have unresolved mothering issues & they want to be coddled when something goes wrong around them sh!t.

Anyhow, just something to consider.

I don’t think my husband was stealing any emotion from me. At all. I actually discussed this with him yesterday and he said it was a shame I didn’t like the meal the last time but it was understandable and that his meal was not good either. So we decided that we were not going to frequent the restaurant or give it our business anymore. Plus, as others had confirmed, he said he didn’t like paying for a meal that wasn’t enjoyed. His and mine. I get it.

 

[I'm.No.One]

I don’t think my husband was stealing any emotion from me. At all. I actually discussed this with him yesterday and he said it was a shame I didn’t like the meal the last time but it was understandable and that his meal was not good either. So we decided that we were not going to frequent the restaurant or give it our business anymore. Plus, as others had confirmed, he said he didn’t like paying for a meal that wasn’t enjoyed. His and mine. I get it.

That's good. Just figured it was worth pointing out!

 

[FocusedOnHealth]

That's good. Just figured it was worth pointing out!

Got cha

 

[kyle]

From
"red flag...stop that sh!t in it's tracks...emotional abuse... unresolved mothering issues...emotional theft."

to
"he said he didn’t like paying for a meal that wasn’t enjoyed."

the duality of wahmen

 

[Nomane Euger]

From
"red flag...stop that sh!t in it's tracks...emotional abuse... unresolved mothering issues...emotional theft."

to
"he said he didn’t like paying for a meal that wasn’t enjoyed."

the duality of wahmen

aaaah wahmen,i had a good laugh i never seen this term before,it sound funny

 

[FocusedOnHealth]

From
"red flag...stop that sh!t in it's tracks...emotional abuse... unresolved mothering issues...emotional theft."

to
"he said he didn’t like paying for a meal that wasn’t enjoyed."

the duality of wahmen

???

 

[area51puy]

I have no idea about what you mean when you say “It is why Muslims are doing so well in UK and Scandinavia; women respond well to dominance whether they know it or not. Woman without dominance go seeking it and/or create it in themselves to adapt”

What does that statement you said have ANYTHING to do with my topic?

Yeah that was weird statement.

I think you want your man to make you happy, but you don’t want you man to be so swayed by your emotional ups and downs.
Not saying that was super emotional.

I heard a quote women want their man to be like the mountain while they are like the wind. Their emotions/wind will be up and down but the mountain remains unmoved.

So I think on a deep subconscious level in that moment you were thinking if it was something as minor as a meal and it’s effecting him how will you be in when something major happens and you need him to be the rock and be the stability in your life like the mountain.

But logical your thinking it’s a good thing he is concerned about your happiness or unhappiness of meal.

So there is the balance you don’t want someone to cold and not care , but you also don’t want him being so swayed by your emotional ups and downs.

 

[i_nomad]

.

 

[Nomane Euger]

Those were posts from two different people, smart guy.

hi,i do not know what you are talking about,kayle said "wahmen",i never seen this term before,it did sound funny,so i told him that it was funny