Legitimate Question: Why Do Guys Feel Responcible If Their Wife/Girlfriend Is Not Happy About Something?

[i_nomad]

That's good. Just figured it was worth pointing out!

No. You weren’t pointing it out. You were projecting your one-sided interpretation of your personal relationship issues onto somebody else without waiting for a response to your own questions…. let alone reading the responses OP already gave that very clearly showed she and her husband are actually fine - she merely had a minor curiosity she wanted to better understand about her husband.

Your story is a perfect example of how a woman isn’t required to understand a man, let alone to teach him how he is behaving incorrectly. This mentality, even if not stated explicitly, is harmful. The fact that you referred to your husband as it was “like” talking down a child is telling enough. I get the impression that if I spoke to your husband I’d get a significantly different side to this story and the history behind it. Not that I care… isn’t my business.

Balance between men and women requires a balance between the nature of each group and that of our individuality. And a constant battle against the inaccurate, and mostly negative, portrayal of each in popular culture. It requires empathy and communication. It never includes “this IS the problem, and thus, this IS the solution”…especially coming from one group or individual.

It’s never that simple, it’s always more nuanced… and it will be a constant struggle until we die (not dye, as in hair dye).

I applaud OP for staying grounded and for her empathetic curiosity. Far better than allowing the influence of others to determine how she ought to think about her husband… and then pushing that nonsense onto others.

 

[i_nomad]

hi,i do not know what you are talking about,kayle said "wahmen",i never seen this term before,it did sound funny,so i told him that it was funny

Sorry, I meant to quote Kyle, not you.

 

[i_nomad]

From
"red flag...stop that sh!t in it's tracks...emotional abuse... unresolved mothering issues...emotional theft."

to
"he said he didn’t like paying for a meal that wasn’t enjoyed."

the duality of wahmen

Those were posts from two different people, smart guy.

 

[aniciete]

No. You weren’t pointing it out. You were projecting your one-sided interpretation of your personal relationship issues onto somebody else without waiting for a response to your own questions…. let alone reading the responses OP already gave that very clearly showed she and her husband are actually fine - she merely had a minor curiosity she wanted to better understand about her husband.

Your story is a perfect example of how a woman isn’t required to understand a man, let alone to teach him how he is behaving incorrectly. This mentality, even if not stated explicitly, is harmful. The fact that you referred to your husband as it was “like” talking down a child is telling enough. I get the impression that if I spoke to your husband I’d get a significantly different side to this story and the history behind it. Not that I care… isn’t my business.

Balance between men and women requires a balance between the nature of each group and that of our individuality. And a constant battle against the inaccurate, and mostly negative, portrayal of each in popular culture. It requires empathy and communication. It never includes “this IS the problem, and thus, this IS the solution”…especially coming from one group or individual.

It’s never that simple, it’s always more nuanced… and it will be a constant struggle until we die (not dye, as in hair dye).

I applaud OP for staying grounded and for her empathetic curiosity. Far better than allowing the influence of others to determine how she ought to think about her husband… and then pushing that nonsense onto others.

Good poast

 

[I'm.No.One]

No. You weren’t pointing it out. You were projecting your one-sided interpretation of your personal relationship issues onto somebody else without waiting for a response to your own questions…. let alone reading the responses OP already gave that very clearly showed she and her husband are actually fine - she merely had a minor curiosity she wanted to better understand about her husband.

Your story is a perfect example of how a woman isn’t required to understand a man, let alone to teach him how he is behaving incorrectly. This mentality, even if not stated explicitly, is harmful. The fact that you referred to your husband as it was “like” talking down a child is telling enough. I get the impression that if I spoke to your husband I’d get a significantly different side to this story and the history behind it. Not that I care… isn’t my business.

Balance between men and women requires a balance between the nature of each group and that of our individuality. And a constant battle against the inaccurate, and mostly negative, portrayal of each in popular culture. It requires empathy and communication. It never includes “this IS the problem, and thus, this IS the solution”…especially coming from one group or individual.

It’s never that simple, it’s always more nuanced… and it will be a constant struggle until we die (not dye, as in hair dye).

I applaud OP for staying grounded and for her empathetic curiosity. Far better than allowing the influence of others to determine how she ought to think about her husband… and then pushing that nonsense onto others.

Take a breath man.

Also you were so ready to lose your sh!t on me you didn't even read what I said just instant emotional reaction & I'd bet you were formulating a way to tell me I was wrong before anything else...

I said it was like being around a child that's upset, not that I talk to him like a child.

Also the OP asked for opinions, I gave a real life experience of recognizing similar behavior, this is how human interaction works.

At this point you're literally freaking out over something I shared because it's making you feel emotions that you don't like.

Deal with whatever my share brought up for you, instead of taking it out on me.

 

[Jonk]

Ok, I will give you an example of what I mean….

Whenever my husband and I go out to a restaurant, and the meal is delicious and I (the wife) have expressed my pleasure of how good the meal was, and how delicious it was etc., my husband is so pleased and kind of takes personal responciblity for the way the dinner turned out, even though he was not personally involved in making the meal. I usually enjoy most of the meals when we go out to eat, since we both share common food cuisine interests.

Yet, on the rare occasion when we go out to a restaurant and my particular dish is terrible, and I express that the meal was not so good, my husband almost acts like it is his fault that I am not happy with the meal, even though he had nothing to do with whether the quality of the meal is good or not. He still acts like it was his fault that I am not happy with the meal.

Even though I have clearly let him know it is not him but the restaurant that is the issue. I let him know that it certainly isn’t his fault that the meal was not good.

My question is, why do men feel responcible for the happiness of their wife/girlfriend when it is not legitimately their responcibility?

I have noticed this in other incidences as well. Why do men feel like the happiness of their wife/girlfriend is their responcibilty? I know it’s not just my situation but other women have expressed this as well.

Just plain curious…

Basically men want to be useful and women want to be wanted. If a man has taken you out to eat and you don't like it, he might subcounciously feel like he's failed. A thing for women might be if he tells you he doesn't like your dress you might feel a bit upset, even though it has nothing to do with you personally.

 

[i_nomad]

Take a breath man.

Also you were so ready to lose your sh!t on me you didn't even read what I said just instant emotional reaction & I'd bet you were formulating a way to tell me I was wrong before anything else...

I said it was like being around a child that's upset, not that I talk to him like a child.

Also the OP asked for opinions, I gave a real life experience of recognizing similar behavior, this is how human interaction works.

At this point you're literally freaking out over something I shared because it's making you feel emotions that you don't like.

Deal with whatever my share brought up for you, instead of taking it out on me.

Nope. You said stuff… I gave critical feedback… you reacted childishly. But sure, keep using that defensiveness and denial and deflection. It’s definitely working and I’m sure nobody can see right through it. Definitely not pathetic.

If a random stranger on the internet so easily brings out this sort of behavior, I can’t imagine what your husband goes through. Like I said… I’m sure there’s a lot more to the story.

 

[Makrosky]

Ok, I will give you an example of what I mean….

Whenever my husband and I go out to a restaurant, and the meal is delicious and I (the wife) have expressed my pleasure of how good the meal was, and how delicious it was etc., my husband is so pleased and kind of takes personal responciblity for the way the dinner turned out, even though he was not personally involved in making the meal. I usually enjoy most of the meals when we go out to eat, since we both share common food cuisine interests.

Yet, on the rare occasion when we go out to a restaurant and my particular dish is terrible, and I express that the meal was not so good, my husband almost acts like it is his fault that I am not happy with the meal, even though he had nothing to do with whether the quality of the meal is good or not. He still acts like it was his fault that I am not happy with the meal.

Even though I have clearly let him know it is not him but the restaurant that is the issue. I let him know that it certainly isn’t his fault that the meal was not good.

My question is, why do men feel responcible for the happiness of their wife/girlfriend when it is not legitimately their responcibility?

I have noticed this in other incidences as well. Why do men feel like the happiness of their wife/girlfriend is their responcibilty? I know it’s not just my situation but other women have expressed this as well.

Just plain curiousSimple.

Plain : What you describe is a real phenomenon. Well spotted. It is cultural conditioning mixed with personal conditioning.

If you want the extended version it is 20USD.

PS. It is responsible, with s

 

[milk_lover]

If she chose an expensive restaurant and the meal she chose was not good, I actually start blaming her for her choice hhhh because I am paying for everything. I remind her good decor means less money spent on quality. But if I chose the restaurant, then I get little bit sad she didn't like the food. When I pay for my friends and relatives in a restaurant and they start berating the food, I get a little bit angry from inside. Maybe it's human nature. Nothing serious.

 

[Nomane Euger]

No. You weren’t pointing it out. You were projecting your one-sided interpretation of your personal relationship issues onto somebody else without waiting for a response to your own questions…. let alone reading the responses OP already gave that very clearly showed she and her husband are actually fine - she merely had a minor curiosity she wanted to better understand about her husband.

Focusedonhealth asked for opinions.Im NO One answer included"i think it can be","[if] you said yes to any of that".
so she didnt projected and claimed that it was 100% the case,she suggested a perspective,wich the OP asked .she didnt need to wait the response to her own questions to be legitimate to say"if these factors are present,therefore its probably Y".nothing that Iam NO One said implied that the relation ship between Focus onhealth and her husband is not fine,so its irelevant.

Your story is a perfect example of how a woman isn’t required to understand a man, let alone to teach him how he is behaving incorrectly. This mentality, even if not stated explicitly, is harmful. The fact that you referred to your husband as it was “like” talking down a child is telling enough. I get the impression that if I spoke to your husband I’d get a significantly different side to this story and the history behind it. Not that I care… isn’t my business.

Iam no one said"Pointing this out to my husband & helping him see how he was acting in time vastly improved our relationship."so again what you said is irelevant relative to what iam no one said.
the fact that she said "how it feels when you're trying to talk down an upset kid maybe or you know a person is upset so you have to walk on eggshells around them" imply that the childish aspect of it is a person being upset to the extend that you feel you have to walk on eggshells arrround them,she didnt imply that it was pejorative,and a a part of men do behave this way.

Balance between men and women requires a balance between the nature of each group and that of our individuality. And a constant battle against the inaccurate, and mostly negative, portrayal of each in popular culture. It requires empathy and communication. It never includes “this IS the problem, and thus, this IS the solution”…especially coming from one group or individual.

she didnt say anything that oppose that,quite the contrary,she said"Pointing this out to my husband & helping him see how he was acting in time vastly improved our relationship."

It’s never that simple, it’s always more nuanced… and it will be a constant struggle until we die (not dye, as in hair dye).

it is actually quite simple,there is not a infinity of reasons for people to behave the way they are behaving,it is mostly about how they feel and there is not 1000 different feelings.No,it wont necessary be a constant struggle until we die.

I applaud OP for staying grounded and for her empathetic curiosity. Far better than allowing the influence of others to determine how she ought to think about her husband… and then pushing that nonsense onto others.

Op never mentionned that the cause of her questionning was her "empathetic curiosity",she said "simple curiosity",curiosity and empathy are not the same thing.
if she asked the question,it imply that she consider that relevant perspectives from others could influence her own perspective,so her wish is not to be "grounded" with out the possibility of being influenced by others,she said her self:
"The responses have actually been helpful in regards to hearing from a guy’s POV."

So,the things you blamed Iam No one for,the exact things you blamed her for,and a part of what you wrote in your irelevant answer relative to her comment were simply projections.you basically took a comment from Iam no one,devoid of any problem,and you threw your rant on man/woman relationships.
and some of the characteristics you associated to the OP FocusedOnHealth person,comments and intentions are also just projections.


you said that:

"Nope. You said stuff… I gave critical feedback… you reacted childishly. But sure, keep using that defensiveness and denial and deflection. It’s definitely working and I’m sure nobody can see right through it. Definitely not pathetic.

If a random stranger on the internet so easily brings out this sort of behavior, I can’t imagine what your husband goes through. Like I said… I’m sure there’s a lot more to the story."

if you consider that the bitter answer you gave to Iam No one is critical thinking,have you tryed the carrot salad?

 

[i_nomad]

Focusedonhealth asked for opinions.Im NO One answer included"i think it can be","[if] you said yes to any of that".
so she didnt projected and claimed that it was 100% the case,she suggested a perspective,wich the OP asked .she didnt need to wait the response to her own questions to be legitimate to say"if these factors are present,therefore its probably Y".nothing that Iam NO One said implied that the relation ship between Focus onhealth and her husband is not fine,so its irelevant.

Iam no one said"Pointing this out to my husband & helping him see how he was acting in time vastly improved our relationship."so again what you said is irelevant relative to what iam no one said.
the fact that she said "how it feels when you're trying to talk down an upset kid maybe or you know a person is upset so you have to walk on eggshells around them" imply that the childish aspect of it is a person being upset to the extend that you feel you have to walk on eggshells arrround them,she didnt imply that it was pejorative,and a a part of men do behave this way.

she didnt say anything that oppose that,quite the contrary,she said"Pointing this out to my husband & helping him see how he was acting in time vastly improved our relationship."

it is actually quite simple,there is not a infinity of reasons for people to behave the way they are behaving,it is mostly about how they feel and there is not 1000 different feelings.No,it wont necessary be a constant struggle until we die.

Op never mentionned that the cause of her questionning was her "empathetic curiosity",she said "simple curiosity",curiosity and empathy are not the same thing.
if she asked the question,it imply that she consider that relevant perspectives from others could influence her own perspective,so her wish is not to be "grounded" with out the possibility of being influenced by others,she said her self:
"The responses have actually been helpful in regards to hearing from a guy’s POV."

So,the things you blamed Iam No one for,the exact things you blamed her for,and a part of what you wrote in your irelevant answer relative to her comment were simply projections.you basically took a comment from Iam no one,devoid of any problem,and you threw your rant on man/woman relationships.
and some of the characteristics you associated to the OP FocusedOnHealth person,comments and intentions are also just projections.


you said that:

"Nope. You said stuff… I gave critical feedback… you reacted childishly. But sure, keep using that defensiveness and denial and deflection. It’s definitely working and I’m sure nobody can see right through it. Definitely not pathetic.

If a random stranger on the internet so easily brings out this sort of behavior, I can’t imagine what your husband goes through. Like I said… I’m sure there’s a lot more to the story."

if you consider that the bitter answer you gave to Iam No one is critical thinking,have you tryed the carrot salad?

Yeah, I can’t be bothered to process this incoherent white-knighting.

Besides, from what I could read, it was no different than her response…

And I don’t want to contribute to further detracting from OP’s original post.

 

[Nomane Euger]

@i_nomad you expect peoples to read your rants that are absolutly irelevants to the comment you answered to,that you wrote with bitterness,but you "can’t be bothered to process this incoherent white-knighting",yet you did read it enough to qualify it as "incoherent white knighting",and because you have actually 0 arguments so you use a demeaning label.Iam No one answered perfectly to you,i just gave a third opinion so you could perhaps realise how delusional you were,for your own good,free to you to live in your delusion

 

[OccamzRazer]

How miserable men’s lives are?

Yep! For the 'average' man, at least...


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTMifI7vhNM

 

[Nomane Euger]

Yep! For the 'average' man, at least...


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTMifI7vhNM

hi,does the fact that these claims are uttered by a malcom X archetype looking person give them more credit?or does he have arguments that you consider relevant but you cant utter them yourself?or something else?

 

[OccamzRazer]

"I [don't like men who aren't psychologically perfect]."

There ya go!

 

[OccamzRazer]

hi,does the fact that these claims are uttered by a malcom X like looking person give them more credit?or does he have arguments that you consider relevant but you cant utter them yourself?or something else?

Well he knows the stats on marriage, divorce, and other gender dynamics-related metrics better than I do lol.

 

[Nomane Euger]

Well he knows the stats on marriage, divorce, and other gender dynamics-related metrics better than I do lol.

how do you know that he knows these things better than you do?

 

[i_nomad]

hi,does the fact that these claims are uttered by a malcom X archetype looking person give them more credit?or does he have arguments that you consider relevant but you cant utter them yourself?or something else?

how do you know that he knows these things better than you do?

Just stop. He contributed by sharing something. Move on.

 

[OccamzRazer]

how do you know that he knows these things better than you do?

Are these meant to be instructional questions?

Obviously I don't know what I don't know, but in those cases I try to refrain from commenting on such topics.

 

[Nomane Euger]

Are these meant to be instructional questions?

Obviously I don't know what I don't know, but in those cases I try to refrain from commenting on such topics.

i am not sure what instructional mean,if it mean "éducative"questions that i can learn from the answers,yes these are questions i wish to learn something from the answer,no sarcasm.i simply asked why do you consider him more legit to make claims on this topic than you do,why do you think he has more knowledge than you,why do you think the hypothetical knowledge that he has and that you dont possess,is relevant informations?