Wow-what A Difference!

[caroline]

Thanks, Charlie! This makes a lot of sense. I decided on a new tack after reading your first comment. I am going to UP my protein in the AM and ignore my lack of interest in it. I did more gelatin (easiest for me to manage in terms of protein-no bad effects unlike eggs, meat, etc). I am thinking that you may be right. That in shifting my diet to something more supportive, I am finally "relaxing" which means I feel more tired. And being an impatient sh-t, I assume that there is something "wrong." I think that maybe all this sugar, caffeine, etc. needs to be supported with more protein. So I already did probably close to 70 or 80 at least, not counting the milk, oj, etc. I am just going to jam a lot more in right away. And I am not giving up on either coffee, sugar or salt.

Thanks. Very helpful insights--especially the way you phrased it. All the "science studies" make me glaze over after a certain point.

 

[charlie]

Protein is super important because it is part of how the body detoxes estrogen via the liver. So you are correct is assuming with all the sugar you do indeed need to make sure you have adequate protein so that the liver can do what it needs to do.

People with dialed down metabolic rates also have a hard time processing protein. So this in itself can cause problems.

 

[caroline]

I am beginning to highly question if caffeine is negative for me. More caffeine equals more tired for me. I feel worse from it, it appears, not better. Just b/c it works for others, and Ray Peat, does not mean it works for me. Especially as it appears to do the very opposite-make me tired.

Protein, sugar, etc. doesn't seem to make a dent. I am going to go back to trying none. I notice more and more means more and more tired.

On a positive note, my tongue looks normal. The best it has ever looked. Despite doing milk, coffee, etc. So something positive is happening. I noticed it the other day. I had just come to ignore the coating on my tongue. I think my body is totally used to the milk now. However, when I have had cheese, then I get a heavy coating. Same with butter. Coconut oil works perfectly.

Today I decided to make myself exercise more, as not exercising doesn't seem to be helping. It is sort of weird b/c I could actually exercise for hours or not at all and either way maintain the same amount of energy. I think my body is all screwed up from being so anxious for so long. Perhaps, this is why caffeine does not have a beneficial effect. I don't think it is getting used to it. I don't feel good from it. I am not sure what the deal is with it.

I didn't take any b vitamins or niacinamide today. Took a high dose last night along with magnesium. Anxiety is like 200% better. So this is definitely an improvement. I really don't get the caffeine thing. I could take like 200 cups of coffee and still feel nothing. Except maybe tired. I don't think it is giving me positive effects. HOwever, I am going to hang in there and see what happens.

Appetite is still very bizarre. Meat doesn't taste good to me. Nothing actually tastes good to me. Food isn't appealing. Again, not a problem as I don't restrict my eating and am not anorexic so I will always make sure I get proper nutrition. I went from being never satisfied, never full, to not being hungry at all. However, I feel VERY clear. And I think I am more than ready for my exam. It is tomorrow. I am ready to take that thing and be done with it.

 

[caroline]

OH, I meant none, as in coffee, not none as in protein. I did like 80 grams in gelatin this a.m., not counting my milk, oj, etc. I am trying to do a lot more. I just need to stick with gelatin since food seems so unappealing.

 

[caroline]

Perhaps in my body, stimulants just have an opposite effect. After all, there were supplements that made others tired that seemed to wake me up. And I was always able to do very very massive amounts of fat and feel energized, not experience weight gain from it, etc. So maybe my body just processes stimulants differently. I have tried all sorts of things with the coffee-caffeine pills, eating lots of fat with the coffee, plenty of sugar and milk and protein, etc. None has helped.

And maybe this is not a bad thing, or something to get used to; maybe I just need to avoid caffeine. I don't see the point of it if it makes me feel like I want to curl up into a coma. And again, while I very much appreciate all the wonderful work done by Peat and others following this path, I am not going to blindly assume that what works for others must work for me or I am just "doing it wrong." Otherwise, as I said before, I would just stick with doing no carbs b/c there's LOTS of evidence for this as beneficial. This was not optimal for me as I was anxious all the time, and generally didn't feel good, though it was an immediate improvement over eating wheat, etc.

So I am committed to the idea of Peating, and I need to keep trudging forward with the goal of improvement, while recognizing that life cannot be controlled, just experimented with/on.

 

[Blossom]

I'm with you on that! Honestly I've had so many experiences over the years with things that were supposed to be good for you that turned out to be exactly wrong for me( wheat, low carb, ect.). I think after a point it is just what seems to work for the individual and their particular context. I think listening to your gut is the best plan of action. SO WHAT if coffee is good for most people but maybe not for you or you might just need a break from it. It seems that sometimes things that worked at one time may effect us differently as we heal. No one knows better than you what works for you!

 

[caroline]

Thanks for the thought! I am not trying to be a contrarian for conflict's sake. I just am not interested in worshiping any idea so fully that I ignore things for the sake of some ideal. I accept that things are always changing, so why expect solidity or certainty?

I know this may not be a popular view, but I'm not that set on being popular. Just feeling better. I think it's only threatening when someone gets nervous about possibly being wrong. However I am wrong often and regularly, so it's not that big of a deal to me.

Had two eggs cooked, molasses, more gelatin. NO COFFEE. Plenty of protein.

 

[caroline]

Switcheroo. cooked eggs. raw meat. Went back to eating some meat raw. Used to do this often. this might solve the issue of digestion. Feels much easier to eat raw. Had ground beef and a tiny bit of liver, which was revolting raw. Like really revolting. Slimy and gross. Ground beef was fine. So we'll see how my energy goes tomorrow. Maybe with more protein, I can do coffee. Also, I am now doing my niacinamide late in the day, not in the AM.


Signing off! Hope my brain decides to work tomorrow on my test!!

 

[caroline]

well well The brain worked. Did well on the math. Not stellar, but above average. Did very very well on verbal. I did not take any caffeine this morning. I think it tanks my energy. I didn't want to run out of steam 3/4 of the way through the test. Sure enough, it didn't happen.

This is great b/c I was worried about if my score would be terrible. I am not a good standardized test taker. But it worked out okay. Last night I was so nervous, I took 3000mg of niacinamide, tons of magnesium, and even ate ice cream late at night. Slept ok. Debated for a while about whether to have caffeine this a.m., but decided against it. I did exercise to wake myself up. I had plenty of energy the whole test even though it was like 4 hours long.

I am back doing raw meat. This morning for breakfast I had, raw meat, gelatin, oj, glass of milk. Aspirin. I AM SO HAPPY I am done with this test. However, I need to see what my writing scores will be; if they aren't to my liking, I am going to re-take the test, without studying for math or verbal, and just focus on the writing. My other scores I got as soon as I was done. HALLELUJAH for my score. I am VERY thankful. It is smart-person score level. I say it like this b/c I still think these tests are an abomination and patently unfair. I dont understand why anyone would want to use this as a critical measure of whether to allow someone enrollment. What if they are good at bubbling in circles? What if they are a terrible person but a good test-taker? I think it is hideous for people who aren't (like me, though I came out more than alright) and gives an unfair advantage to people who are--I know that's the way it is, but I don't agree with it. But I AM STILL VERY RELIEVED that I got a good score. It is not just my opinion--I looked it up and it is up there. Again, I am relieved b/c it will help with school. I don't think it proves anything. Now I can start studying for my class I will be taking. I am very behind b/c it has been a long time since I took the pre-recs for it, and you are expected to have recently taken them and know all this going in. But I am starting my study after finishing writing on here.

OH, this morning, I was so nervous that I cried, felt nauseous, cried again, and felt sleepy all at once. But it worked out okay. THANK GOD for my niacinamide. It certainly helps. I did take B1 but can't say I really noticed anything. I am probably going to stick with coffee in the afternoon, but on a day like today when I had to maintain my energy for hours at a time, NO WAY I would drink coffee. I am doing a lot more protein now. I think that will help.

And once again, after eating ice cream last night, I don't like it. I feel like it is junk food and it grosses me out. I am not going to eat it again any time soon. I would rather eat all sorts of other sweet things.

 

[caroline]

YAY! THE MISERABLE TEST IS DONE!!! I was so happy I hugged both the people in the test center and did the sort of dance that you see football players doing when they make a good play. It was a spontaneous eruption of joy and relief. And I dressed for anxiety, which for me, means, piles and piles of layers that are skin tight and wrap around me. YAYYYY! Ok. time to study.

 

[caroline]

I"m very happy my brain is done being rented out to the POD PEOPLE, I.E. GRE STUDY.

I have been studying my physiology for a few hours now. Really need to give chemistry a serious run-through. I am supposed to go in there knowing all sorts of things cold that I do not know even slightly. So I have some work to do. But I am enjoying it.

Tried new foods. Banana. Started with this yesterday. My thoughts were that if I am going to do "starch," since potato makes me sloughy and fat and achey, rice makes me feel dull, while oats seem to be okay, maybe banana might be ok. Also, I got unfiltered organic apple juice. I am aware of why this is not a favored choice. But I like mixing a bit of it in with my milk, instead of sugar. We will see how this goes. I"ll know if I have weird reactions to it by tomorrow. I made a drink with banana, milk, molasses (got that also but have been using this for a week, since I started aspirin), and salt. It was super yummy. I am not into the ice cream. After I ate that, I woke up feeling kind of icky like I have each time after eating ice cream. Bloated. This bloat comes from: potato, rice (not as bad), ice cream. I still think it is the weird hormone junk they put in it even if it is Haagen Daaz. But I don't care about ice cream so I am fine not bothering with it. I might try another brand if I get motivated.

Last, my energy feels much stronger with more meat. Like tons stronger. This is not a big surprise. I functioned quite well on meat for a long time, but I much prefer the sweets, milk, etc. I am probably going to skip coffee again tomorrow although now that I have my bananas (organic-will not buy conventional fruit-Trader Joe's had them), I would love to add instant coffee to my drink. I notice without the coffee, my energy stayed super stable for a long time. I still ate b/c I am supposed to; also, my appetite wasn't terrible. I was more enthusiastic about eating.

In fairness, it could also be that I finished that exam which has been a major source of stress for me. Anyway, will see tomorrow. But I am definitely on board with eating enough meat so gelatin is extra, not in lieu of the amount of protein I need. I think for my energy level I need more protein and the little egg yolks, and even full eggs and gelatin don't cut it on their own. Nor being hopped up on coffee and sugar all day. I would love it if it worked nicely for me, but so far, after more than a month with the coffee and similar fatigue response as I have had in the past, I am skeptical. Perhaps if I am eating a lot more protein, I can manage the coffee. I just really don't feel like feeling tired like I want to crawl in a hole and sleep for a week every day. So if coffee makes me do that, I am not going to have it.

 

[caroline]

My old Caroline energy does seem to be back. I am obsessively and very focused-ly (not a word-don't care-it fits) studying with enthusiasm. So perhaps I will stop feeling like I rolled out of a crypt soon. Would be nice! I should go to bed soon but I am not quite ready to put down my book. On macromolecules. I draw funny pictures and write funny messages to remember things and basically write and draw in all my books. That's how I learn.

 

[caroline]

Since I can't be certain that coffee and not something else like the stress of the test was causing the fatigue, I had it this morning. No more raw meat left so didn't eat any. It was cooked and cold from yesterday and I don't want to eat it that way now unless it is hot.

I had a shot of apple juice with milk. Then had part of banana, molasses, some apple juice , and some instant coffee. I think the apple juice with the coffee made it sort of gross. It was good without the coffee, but not so good with the coffee. I woke up not feeling tired. So we'll see how it goes with the coffee. The idea is to be able to do what's recommended, but allergy symptoms/fatigue are going to dictate what I ultimately use. I LOVE the aspirin. It is super easy. I do like 3 at once, then 2 or 3 later, then maybe 2 more later if I remember.

Banana-not sure yet. Woke up feeling okay.
Apple juice-not sure. Might be okay or problematic.
Coffee-not sure.

Hmm. Can you say unsure? Good thing I don't think I know everything or I would be in trouble.

Also, I am doing less gelatin at once. I think all that much at one time may be too much and cause the fatigue feeling. Sugary drinks seem to be okay. I think the apple juice makes me a little hyper. I am not drinking that much of it, but I kind of like it better than mixing sugar in things. It tastes better to me. The banana was an interesting idea for me b/c I figured it might be an improvement over ice cream, etc. I do know that when I eat it, I don't get the same junky effect as I feel from ice cream. But it may be allergenic. Or not.

I would say apple juice is the most sketchy but if I am a giant mucus ball in a while, it will be clear.

It's funny b/c lots of friends mentioned I should go out to dinner, etc. to treat myself for being done with the test. But I consider it a treat to be able to study for the material I am already supposed to know for my class. I had hoped to have more time to study but I still have some time to spare. Will just have to be pretty focused.

 

[caroline]

I am NOT tired. Do not have fatigue all over my body. Maybe finishing that test which I have been stalling in taking in order to get my anxiety under control was taking up a lot of my energy. It is very possible that poor innocent little caffeine is not, in fact, the culprit. I am open to that.

 

[caroline]

p.s. I feel this uncontrollable joy at just being. And learning. I feel like this happiness is spreading inside me and bursting out like, maybe like a jelly donut. I don't eat those; never have. Only liked chocolate frosted and chocolate glazed. But it's the best analogy I can think of. This is not unusual for "me," whoever that is, but it is unusual lately to feel this without it being covered in a layer of fatigue. It feels nice. I do things when I am studying like draw funny pictures, like a child would do, that make my reading active and it makes me laugh. Also, I love reading about things that relate to diet. Like last night, I read about corticosteroids, when I was going over the biological molecules, and then I looked it up and found out all about aspirin. Neat.

 

[caroline]

Did more coffee. Seems to be fine and in fact, may actually be giving me a rush. Glad I kept trying it. I think the key is, unless I have some test to take that determines my future, where I need to be certain to have steady energy for four hours plus, coffee is fine. If I can refuel. But without that option, I don't trust it. So I can go back to being a caffeinated maniac and see how that works. Did more apple juice too. Easy way to get sweet in. With the way Im drinking it, I will have allergy symptoms soon if it's a problem. ha. Studying is going very well. Decided to read through my old chemistry book b/c reading things in the physiology while not remember things like orbitals, ionization energy, etc. is sort of inefficient. So I"ll probably go through the entire book today.

 

[caroline]

new drink. NOw I am just going for it with the coffee since I don't seem to be feeling bad from it.

This time, I didn't add apple juice, which made it revolting. I blended
instant coffee
some frozen banana
milk
molasses
honey (small amount)
cocoa powder
salt

yum.

 

[caroline]

forgot to mention, the REASON why I had more coffee was that I noticed a VERY SLIGHT tinge in my cheeks of warm, which is what I get to an extreme level when I am stressed. Now I wasn't anxious, or anything like that. I was immersed in what I was learning. But it may be that I am now becoming aware of these things before they happen. Maybe it happens other times and I just don't notice. That is why I took the niacinamide the night prior to my test; I had that reaction but to a much greater degree. The physical sensation I am describing precedes any thought pattern or distressing emotional reactions. Anyway, maybe that is my body's sign for, "we want you to eat something." Anyhoo, just thought about that.

 

[charlie]

I have a stress response sign in my left cheek. It tightens up when stressed, or stress hormones on the rise.

 

[caroline]

Great that you notice this, Charlie.

Did swimmingly with coffee today. Just goes to show I was WRONG. hahahah. That's fine with me. I prefer to be able to do it. Will see how it goes, but I did not feel tired. Banana is still sketchy. I had kind of icky tongue today. Could also be the apple juice or both. Will have to see.

My friend sent me the most hilarious link. It's on youtube, called Holiday Dinner Party. She knows I am always on some sort of weird diet, i.e. don't eat carbs or sugar (prior to Peat), now drinking OJ and milk and not eating a whole new host of things, etc. Unless one doesn't have a sense of humor, even if this way of eating is very logical is SEEMS weird and insane to the average person. It's funny. At least, I think it's funny. I don't really care if people think I"m weird. I'm sure I am. So what? Anyway, this woman sings a christmas song but makes up her own lyrics about how she has this dinner party and each guest has some sort of food restriction. It was only like 2 minutes but hilarious. She even mentions tryptophan at one point! hahahahah.

Studying STILL. Not making quite as much progress as I would like in the chem book, but I just skipped the section on gases (I know ALL ABOUT GAS-HAHAHA). Watched mindless tv for a bit so I did actually take a break. And exercised half-heartedly.