noodlecat
Member
i am particularly focused on my work and study. other than going out for food and supplies i dont really see many people outside my immediate family. even if lockdowns hadn’t happened my life wouldn’t have been very different. i used to socialize alot but i changed since i got quite ill and in recovery i never really want to go out. i sometimes talk to my neighbors but im not really enthusiastic. yet im not depressed, i dont think, i feel kind of content lately. a lot of it is because i am really motivated and happy to engage in self directed study and work.
i had an online friend in a chat group i was in who wanted to meet but he has a lot of issues and i simply refused. it seemed like he was too much trouble and some of his ideas and attitudes annoyrd me. as for women i don’t really meet any who i like. i have in my mind the ides of the type of woman who i’d prefer the company of but she is probably exceedingly rare. even so i dont feel lonely. there are certain store clerks who seem like nice people who i look forward to seeing for a few minutes and that basically refills my tank for social interaction. i have no interest in reconnecting with my old friends, i dont really like them anymore.
ive done nofap for over two years now, and i somehow spontaneously just stopped having sexual fantasies to much of an extent. when i feel really good the thought of having sex seems fun but it isn’t a desperate longing like it used to be. i dont care much. once in awhile ill look at pictures of naked women but it is for a few minutes and i find myself doing it less and less for lustful reasons but instead just for curiosity.
all i really want to do is continue studying and learning for my work. i feel excited for the possibilities and i have absolutely zero irl peers in this line of work and i dont have to go work for a company or anything, it is entirely self managed and directed.
anyways a few years ago i was utterly blackpilled, obsessed with lustful things and the idea of getting a gf, and i went down a really bad path of drug abuse and depression . just these past few weeks ive felt so good that i am quite thankful i perservered.
@TheSir i think talked about what life is like without lust. id like to hear more about it. the other day i felt kind of underfed and cold and when i was grocery shopping i saw a nice looking woman and i got that weird longing feeling i used to get when i was perpetually cold and depressed. i thought that instead of finding a relationship to avoid that feeling (probably futilely in some way) that the better thing to do would be to not even feel that type of feeling anymore in the first place.
last night i was up really early in the morning and i got this really interesting and poetic feeling i hadnt felt since before i began abusing drugs and quit, and which i wondered if id ever feel again.
so anyways all of this isnt to say that i will actively go against finding socializing or a romantic partner but i dont think its even worth caring that much about in the first place. there has been such a lifting of neuroticisms and anxieties lately that i just want to write all this to try and explain how im feeling so good lately. i might be “manic” in a small sense but not the dysfunctional kind of manic. a kind of relaxed manic. maybe i could approach this state somewhat permanently.
i had an online friend in a chat group i was in who wanted to meet but he has a lot of issues and i simply refused. it seemed like he was too much trouble and some of his ideas and attitudes annoyrd me. as for women i don’t really meet any who i like. i have in my mind the ides of the type of woman who i’d prefer the company of but she is probably exceedingly rare. even so i dont feel lonely. there are certain store clerks who seem like nice people who i look forward to seeing for a few minutes and that basically refills my tank for social interaction. i have no interest in reconnecting with my old friends, i dont really like them anymore.
ive done nofap for over two years now, and i somehow spontaneously just stopped having sexual fantasies to much of an extent. when i feel really good the thought of having sex seems fun but it isn’t a desperate longing like it used to be. i dont care much. once in awhile ill look at pictures of naked women but it is for a few minutes and i find myself doing it less and less for lustful reasons but instead just for curiosity.
all i really want to do is continue studying and learning for my work. i feel excited for the possibilities and i have absolutely zero irl peers in this line of work and i dont have to go work for a company or anything, it is entirely self managed and directed.
anyways a few years ago i was utterly blackpilled, obsessed with lustful things and the idea of getting a gf, and i went down a really bad path of drug abuse and depression . just these past few weeks ive felt so good that i am quite thankful i perservered.
@TheSir i think talked about what life is like without lust. id like to hear more about it. the other day i felt kind of underfed and cold and when i was grocery shopping i saw a nice looking woman and i got that weird longing feeling i used to get when i was perpetually cold and depressed. i thought that instead of finding a relationship to avoid that feeling (probably futilely in some way) that the better thing to do would be to not even feel that type of feeling anymore in the first place.
last night i was up really early in the morning and i got this really interesting and poetic feeling i hadnt felt since before i began abusing drugs and quit, and which i wondered if id ever feel again.
so anyways all of this isnt to say that i will actively go against finding socializing or a romantic partner but i dont think its even worth caring that much about in the first place. there has been such a lifting of neuroticisms and anxieties lately that i just want to write all this to try and explain how im feeling so good lately. i might be “manic” in a small sense but not the dysfunctional kind of manic. a kind of relaxed manic. maybe i could approach this state somewhat permanently.