connorj123
Member
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2020
- Messages
- 104
I don't know whether or not this will make sense to people, but I will try my best..
I've been feeling unwell for around 5 months, after I said something to someone. My brain feels locked in the moment of what I said, and I've had physical symptoms manifest ever since I said something in conversation. And I completely lost my libido and it has remained that way ever since. Basically, during my stay in a psychiatric hospital suffering from a psychotic episode, I was under the impression that one of the patients was a World Leader, and an extremely important person. When he came to sit with me (having social anxiety), I started blushing and experiencing social anxiety and feelings of discomfort. The next part is where it gets a little strange, I believe what I said was some kind of betrayal. I feel like I broke a pact with myself.. I said " I love people too much to give them up " Then I said, "its optional" and just like that, my social anxiety around people changed permanently. At least it's stayed that way until now. (5 months after the fact). I've had social anxiety for 14 years, and now I feel as though it's been partially switched off, I dont feel the same degree of caution around people I use to. The way i interact with other people has completely changed, and it's really scary to experience. Because I feel like I changed as a person. The reason why I'm making this post is because ever since this moment I've been experiencing horrible physical symptoms since. And it's basically being a none stop torment. Things like:
- Complete loss of all sex drive and libido. I feel no attraction to the opposite sex when I look at women. I also feel nothing hardly in my penis when I masturbate.
- Havent felt PLEASURE in 5 months.
- Feeling like I abandoned who I was previously to allievate the anxiety I was feeling in the moment
- I'm not as talkative anymore. I have absolutely no conversation
- Feel uncomfortable in my own skin, and tormented. Have to keep walking and moving around when I'm stood up or I feel even more uncomfortable. And when I sit down I feel an overwhelming urge to stand up to the point where it HURTS. so even sitting down is difficult
- No longer as interested in my video games despite loving them since I was a kid
- My demeanour / energy changed as a person, I became really boring and feel like I lost my sense of individuality. What made me unique. Feel like i lost my personality
- Fatigue, extreme energy loss. Walking and carrying my body is difficult sometimes.
- Feel unable to connect with people. Including family. I dont feel love in my heart anymore
I honestly dont think anyone has experienced this before. I essentially created a really shitty reality for myself with my own words is how it feels. And I feel like those words had more power since I was feeling extreme anxiety in the moment. I would really appreciate if someone could possibly shed some insight on this for me. As it honestly feels like hell day to day. I'm not sure if there is anything I could take to ease my feelings of discomfort, I am willing to try anything at the moment. What I've noticed is, no matter how much I talk about this and vocalize my torment to family for example, it seems to make absolutely no difference. So im not sure if im willing to try a talking therapy. But i've never experienced anything like this before, and I feel awful. Sorry for the long post. I just feel really really BAD!!!
I know this sounds a lot like depression, but im not sure if it is. I've had depression 10 years and it never manifested this way for me. And it just seems like a coincidence that I lose my anxiety and everything else goes with it. I honestly feel like this is who I am forever now. Since i asked for it in a way...... But im still willing to try to get better. Because my soul is hurting Deeply.
I've been feeling unwell for around 5 months, after I said something to someone. My brain feels locked in the moment of what I said, and I've had physical symptoms manifest ever since I said something in conversation. And I completely lost my libido and it has remained that way ever since. Basically, during my stay in a psychiatric hospital suffering from a psychotic episode, I was under the impression that one of the patients was a World Leader, and an extremely important person. When he came to sit with me (having social anxiety), I started blushing and experiencing social anxiety and feelings of discomfort. The next part is where it gets a little strange, I believe what I said was some kind of betrayal. I feel like I broke a pact with myself.. I said " I love people too much to give them up " Then I said, "its optional" and just like that, my social anxiety around people changed permanently. At least it's stayed that way until now. (5 months after the fact). I've had social anxiety for 14 years, and now I feel as though it's been partially switched off, I dont feel the same degree of caution around people I use to. The way i interact with other people has completely changed, and it's really scary to experience. Because I feel like I changed as a person. The reason why I'm making this post is because ever since this moment I've been experiencing horrible physical symptoms since. And it's basically being a none stop torment. Things like:
- Complete loss of all sex drive and libido. I feel no attraction to the opposite sex when I look at women. I also feel nothing hardly in my penis when I masturbate.
- Havent felt PLEASURE in 5 months.
- Feeling like I abandoned who I was previously to allievate the anxiety I was feeling in the moment
- I'm not as talkative anymore. I have absolutely no conversation
- Feel uncomfortable in my own skin, and tormented. Have to keep walking and moving around when I'm stood up or I feel even more uncomfortable. And when I sit down I feel an overwhelming urge to stand up to the point where it HURTS. so even sitting down is difficult
- No longer as interested in my video games despite loving them since I was a kid
- My demeanour / energy changed as a person, I became really boring and feel like I lost my sense of individuality. What made me unique. Feel like i lost my personality
- Fatigue, extreme energy loss. Walking and carrying my body is difficult sometimes.
- Feel unable to connect with people. Including family. I dont feel love in my heart anymore
I honestly dont think anyone has experienced this before. I essentially created a really shitty reality for myself with my own words is how it feels. And I feel like those words had more power since I was feeling extreme anxiety in the moment. I would really appreciate if someone could possibly shed some insight on this for me. As it honestly feels like hell day to day. I'm not sure if there is anything I could take to ease my feelings of discomfort, I am willing to try anything at the moment. What I've noticed is, no matter how much I talk about this and vocalize my torment to family for example, it seems to make absolutely no difference. So im not sure if im willing to try a talking therapy. But i've never experienced anything like this before, and I feel awful. Sorry for the long post. I just feel really really BAD!!!
I know this sounds a lot like depression, but im not sure if it is. I've had depression 10 years and it never manifested this way for me. And it just seems like a coincidence that I lose my anxiety and everything else goes with it. I honestly feel like this is who I am forever now. Since i asked for it in a way...... But im still willing to try to get better. Because my soul is hurting Deeply.
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