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I think compassion is the best way to let it go and take care of yourself.Anyone here forgiven their abuser? I’d like to know if it has helped you live a better, happier life. Or if you took revenge and got positive or negative from it?
easier said than done nglIf you want healing, you need to forgive. Trust me. Don't hold on to the grudge. Don't listen to people advocating revenge.
Yes, I have forgiven them and even have compassion for them and what they must have experienced in their life to end up abusive—I believe hurt people hurt. If by revenge you mean not becoming the darkness then yes, I got revenge, eventually. It took years but I finally forgave myself for believing the abuse was my fault and continuing it by telling myself I was dirty, stupid, hideous, unlovable, totally worthless etc. and making unhealthy decisions for myself based on those lies. I now try to treat myself as if I were my own daughter—with unconditional love and respect.Anyone here forgiven their abuser? I’d like to know if it has helped you live a better, happier life. Or if you took revenge and got positive or negative from it?
I'm not sure that all abusers have been hurt themselves or if some are just born with a faulty brain connection. The one I'm thinking of does not feel he was abusive at all. It is a characteristic of a psychopath to feel no remorse and it's hard to know how some people get to be psychopaths.Yes, I have forgiven them and even have compassion for them and what they must have experienced in their life to end up abusive—I believe hurt people hurt. If by revenge you mean not becoming the darkness then yes, I got revenge, eventually. It took years but I finally forgave myself for believing the abuse was my fault and continuing it by telling myself I was dirty, stupid, hideous, unlovable, totally worthless etc. and making unhealthy decisions for myself based on those lies. I now try to treat myself as if I were my own daughter—with unconditional love and respect.
Well, that's a professional view. And if the op has not tried that approach it might help. But do you have experience with being abused?When you let someone affect your life past the transgression they are in control.
When you heal, forgive them (and yourself - for what you believed about yourself) you are in control.
You can't control the past, only the present moment
Look to understand forgiveness as perhaps a Course in Miracles approaches it. Here is a youtube resource page of one fellow who explains the course fairly well to me.
there are also these books Books Inspired by A Course in Miracles
What kind of abuse? Did it go on for many years? Was it physical and emotional? Do you feel it is your fault? It doesn't sound like you think you deserved abuse. That's always one of the first hurdles, to realize it isn't our fault. You sound good in that sense.Anyone here forgiven their abuser? I’d like to know if it has helped you live a better, happier life. Or if you took revenge and got positive or negative from it?
When I was 12 i was finally strong enough to give a fight back, and I punched him in the face. It was the best feeling of my life. Revenge is sweet, but I don't think it's the best solution.
I wouldn't call that revenge. I would call it defending yourself from someone trying to harm you, and letting an abuser know you ain't gonna put up with it.