Jennifer's Recovery Log

[Peat's_Girl]

Thank you for what you said, Ally.

I'm not concerned we have our chicken and egg debates. It's all good! We're two passionate women so it's bound to happen, but it's how we bounce back from our disagreements that shows the strength of our friendship. I know you want the best for me. I want the best for you too. You deserve it!

What you said about the food is exactly what runs through my head when I go to eat. I had gotten over it when I refed, but I dove into more science and it came back full force. I know deep down that the food can't hurt me. I just need to get my brain to know it now. I'm getting there. All the improvements I've had so far make for a convincing argument when it tries to talk me out of what I'm doing. I'll just keep sweet talking the beast till it's purring like a kitten in my lap.

I have such a beast too, "Oh, that sugar... Stay away from that sugar! It's gonna kill you, it's gonna age you, you can't digest it, you're too far gone. Don't. Don't. Don't."

All we can do to shut it up is shove some fruit down our throats! ;D

 

[Peat's_Girl]

Thanks for the songs, guys!

To think, all I had to do was follow my body and I'd earn the title rebellious. I wonder what title I'd get if I told you about the time I was at a bar and...oh, never mind! ;P

Right, I expect full details of it in my mailbox this morning! >;3

 

[Amazoniac]

Are you serious?! Where's my long **** post in response to you quitting dairy?! I wrote it this morning!

Did you not see it?

Oh, no! I didn't see it. I didn't even get it in my inbox.

If I'm being honest, I'm nervous about not having dairy because I thought it was the right thing to have. I felt safe in my plan, but I had a long talk with my mum after seeing Dr. O and she pointed out that I'm clearly dealing with some PTSD from the accident and that I find safety in following someone in regards to my health and diet. She said it's understandable given the severity of what I've endured and that no one can truly know the depth of pain I suffered, but that she can see as someone on the outside of that pain, that I'm caught in it and don't realize how much stress I hold onto. When she told me that, I don't think I ever cried so hard in my life. She was right! I can come on here and talk about it, but it will never do it justice. It's why I freak when I see people talking about how the fruitarian diet is a perfect diet. I'm actually terrified for people to end up like me.

Anyhow, she said I have no reason to not trust myself. She knows I hold a lot of guilt for ever doing 80/10/10 and ending up like I did, but she said with what I survived and already managed to overcome, there's no reason I can't trust myself. She said I've done the research. I've talked to doctors and those knowledgable in their field. I know all about food and I know the science to the point of helping others so it's time to follow my own advice. She said she knows that I've held on to dairy because from the time I fractured, I thought it was the thing to save my bones and she's right. In my mind, I needed that one thing that would give me that fighting chance that doctors didn't think I had. All they could do for me is give me pain meds and I refused to take them so what was I left with? What options did I have? Go home and die at 28? It's sad because it would of only taken one doctor to look me straight in the eyes and say "You've got this! You will heal yourself. I believe in you." I didn't even need them to believe it. I just needed them to make me believe it.

I would of dropped the "Peaty" diet a while ago, but I didn't want to let anyone down. All along, people have been kind in offering advice and sending me info and then there was Phillip. I didn't want to let Phillip down because he from day one had gone above and beyond to try and help me. I swear, whatever he touches turns to gold for him. Unfortunately, I don't possess that skill. My body was adamant on me just letting go. I guess, all I can say is, I read the occasional comment about members here acting cult like in their dietary philosophies, but as far as I'm concerned, they've been nothing but kind and supportive to me. They could be promoting a diet of poly couch cushions for all I care, but that doesn't change the fact that they are people first and foremost who try to help one another with the purest of intentions. I'll never see my time here as wasted and I have a lot of faith everyone here can overcome their illnesses.

Ahhh...Meow! I'm scared sh*tless because of everything I learned that I now need to unlearn, for the most part. Okay, time to check out your loggy. I promise I won't dump all over it. I'll save that for the breastmilk thread. They're all about bacteria over there. ;P

This is the kind of post that works as a mark for people who reached the light and encountered pboy. Speaking of him, even the entity himself has some problems with citrus (or parts of it), what more can I say?
Your mom seems very down to earth and supportive..

Well, it seems that we were overcomplicating the whole time.. I'm glad you filtered all the advice!
And thanks for reminding my to not make assumptions of any kind (again, and again)..

 

[pboy]

not to hijack but yes, oranges are a delicate thing...the only way I can drink OJ is hand squeezed with one of those hand held orange juicers, and rather gently, and through a filter! I think the peel and white fuzz residues are highly irritating, but the actual water alone is great...I seem to have to add about a quarter tsp of sugar to each cup also...I think its a bit too watery alone, and since my diet is mostly all liquid its a necessity

on a side but related note, any time something is too watery it actually creates a burning sensation in stomach...perhaps makes it over acidic, I dunno, but its a clear thing ive noticed

one of these days imma have the answers and be able to help Jenn entirely, but for now all I can do is drop some jewels on what ive experienced and wish her well. In a weird way I think our journeys are...albeit quite different in detail, similar in themes. Her positive attitude and good spirited nature despite what she going through is quite inspiring...I guess considering all ive gone through, and aspired towards, I have a keen eye for this now...anyone who's totally fortunate can act like all is well, but the true marker of a person is how they react in trying situations...most notably, how they still treat other peoples hearts, the value they still have towards other people, as well as maintaining a receptivity and appreciation toward the magic and beauty of life. This is the marker of ones soul, really, and I have a sense now of being able to see this in people, pretty instantly...its written in everything they say and do and how they look. Being fake is the first sign, or being bitter, of ones lack of soul quality, and really I think Jennifer has a great soul. Not speaking about her, but it doesn't really matter how inexperienced or ignorant someone is, you can always read their heart through anything (well I can), and this really determines the respect I have for them, and the pull they have on me towards wanting to be around them and interact, care for them in a more intimate way

this thread trumps the bacteria one big time! I'm glad that charade has finally run its course

 

[Jennifer]

So far I've had eggs, grapes, roasted turkey breast, scallops, watermelon, papaya, oranges and coconut oil.

That's an inspiring regime!

So happy for you, Jennifer!!!!

Haha! Thanks, narouz and Diane!

 

[Jennifer]

I have such a beast too, "Oh, that sugar... Stay away from that sugar! It's gonna kill you, it's gonna age you, you can't digest it, you're too far gone. Don't. Don't. Don't."

All we can do to shut it up is shove some fruit down our throats! ;D

Ah, yes! That's the low-carb beast. My beast has multiple personalities. Part raw vegan, part Primal, part WAPFer and part scientist. The scientist gets me most. He has rat studies and complex biological processes to back up what he says. That logic is harder to silence than the logic of eating something because we are related to chimps or Grok or had perfectly aligned pearly whites.

Right, I expect full details of it in my mailbox this morning! >;3

Well, put it to you this way, who do you think they got all those moves from in Coyote Ugly?

Oh, who am I kidding?! My moves are more suitable for Cheers...passed out at the bar. Not because I drank too much, but because I missed my nap. :P

Look what I came across when looking for those 2L milk quotes:

"Stress uses progesterone and can cause menstrual periods to stop. Girls who begin regular exercise (such as dancing) before puberty have later sexual development.” RP

I began dancing at 3 and did that till I started cheerleading at 9 and did that till I was a Freshman in high school and then went back to dancing and started choreographing/coaching Pee Wee cheerleading squads and did that till I graduated. Then I started hiking around 21 till I was 27/28.

So does this mean I'll never develop? To think, I held the secret to never growing old this whole time. I knew my dancing was pure magic! Hehe!

 

[Jennifer]

Are you serious?! Where's my long **** post in response to you quitting dairy?! I wrote it this morning!

Did you not see it?

Oh, no! I didn't see it. I didn't even get it in my inbox.

If I'm being honest, I'm nervous about not having dairy because I thought it was the right thing to have. I felt safe in my plan, but I had a long talk with my mum after seeing Dr. O and she pointed out that I'm clearly dealing with some PTSD from the accident and that I find safety in following someone in regards to my health and diet. She said it's understandable given the severity of what I've endured and that no one can truly know the depth of pain I suffered, but that she can see as someone on the outside of that pain, that I'm caught in it and don't realize how much stress I hold onto. When she told me that, I don't think I ever cried so hard in my life. She was right! I can come on here and talk about it, but it will never do it justice. It's why I freak when I see people talking about how the fruitarian diet is a perfect diet. I'm actually terrified for people to end up like me.

Anyhow, she said I have no reason to not trust myself. She knows I hold a lot of guilt for ever doing 80/10/10 and ending up like I did, but she said with what I survived and already managed to overcome, there's no reason I can't trust myself. She said I've done the research. I've talked to doctors and those knowledgable in their field. I know all about food and I know the science to the point of helping others so it's time to follow my own advice. She said she knows that I've held on to dairy because from the time I fractured, I thought it was the thing to save my bones and she's right. In my mind, I needed that one thing that would give me that fighting chance that doctors didn't think I had. All they could do for me is give me pain meds and I refused to take them so what was I left with? What options did I have? Go home and die at 28? It's sad because it would of only taken one doctor to look me straight in the eyes and say "You've got this! You will heal yourself. I believe in you." I didn't even need them to believe it. I just needed them to make me believe it.

I would of dropped the "Peaty" diet a while ago, but I didn't want to let anyone down. All along, people have been kind in offering advice and sending me info and then there was Phillip. I didn't want to let Phillip down because he from day one had gone above and beyond to try and help me. I swear, whatever he touches turns to gold for him. Unfortunately, I don't possess that skill. My body was adamant on me just letting go. I guess, all I can say is, I read the occasional comment about members here acting cult like in their dietary philosophies, but as far as I'm concerned, they've been nothing but kind and supportive to me. They could be promoting a diet of poly couch cushions for all I care, but that doesn't change the fact that they are people first and foremost who try to help one another with the purest of intentions. I'll never see my time here as wasted and I have a lot of faith everyone here can overcome their illnesses.

Ahhh...Meow! I'm scared sh*tless because of everything I learned that I now need to unlearn, for the most part. Okay, time to check out your loggy. I promise I won't dump all over it. I'll save that for the breastmilk thread. They're all about bacteria over there. ;P

This is the kind of post that works as a mark for people who reached the light and encountered pboy. Speaking of him, even the entity himself has some problems with citrus (or parts of it), what more can I say?
Your mom seems very down to earth and supportive..

Well, it seems that we were overcomplicating the whole time.. I'm glad you filtered all the advice!
And thanks for reminding my to not make assumptions of any kind (again, and again)..

Yeah, my mum is amazing! :)

I think it's human nature to complicate things so no one can blame us. Regardless, I still feel blessed that you guys cared enough about me to try and help. You know what they say, it takes a village to raise a child and in this case, it takes an online community to resurrect a grown woman. Haha!

 

[Jennifer]

not to hijack but yes, oranges are a delicate thing...the only way I can drink OJ is hand squeezed with one of those hand held orange juicers, and rather gently, and through a filter! I think the peel and white fuzz residues are highly irritating, but the actual water alone is great...I seem to have to add about a quarter tsp of sugar to each cup also...I think its a bit too watery alone, and since my diet is mostly all liquid its a necessity

on a side but related note, any time something is too watery it actually creates a burning sensation in stomach...perhaps makes it over acidic, I dunno, but its a clear thing ive noticed

one of these days imma have the answers and be able to help Jenn entirely, but for now all I can do is drop some jewels on what ive experienced and wish her well. In a weird way I think our journeys are...albeit quite different in detail, similar in themes. Her positive attitude and good spirited nature despite what she going through is quite inspiring...I guess considering all ive gone through, and aspired towards, I have a keen eye for this now...anyone who's totally fortunate can act like all is well, but the true marker of a person is how they react in trying situations...most notably, how they still treat other peoples hearts, the value they still have towards other people, as well as maintaining a receptivity and appreciation toward the magic and beauty of life. This is the marker of ones soul, really, and I have a sense now of being able to see this in people, pretty instantly...its written in everything they say and do and how they look. Being fake is the first sign, or being bitter, of ones lack of soul quality, and really I think Jennifer has a great soul. Not speaking about her, but it doesn't really matter how inexperienced or ignorant someone is, you can always read their heart through anything (well I can), and this really determines the respect I have for them, and the pull they have on me towards wanting to be around them and interact, care for them in a more intimate way

this thread trumps the bacteria one big time! I'm glad that charade has finally run its course

Thank you for what you said, pboy!

So now, what was it that won you over? My fight to the death with a turnip? My discussion of my technicolor poo or the dancing? It was the dancing, wasn't it? My dancing is like driving by a car crash. You know you're witnessing something horrifying, but you just can't look away.

 

[Peat's_Girl]

not to hijack but yes, oranges are a delicate thing...the only way I can drink OJ is hand squeezed with one of those hand held orange juicers, and rather gently, and through a filter! I think the peel and white fuzz residues are highly irritating, but the actual water alone is great...I seem to have to add about a quarter tsp of sugar to each cup also...I think its a bit too watery alone, and since my diet is mostly all liquid its a necessity

Let's say most OJs, store bought and even freshly squeezed had caused me issues. Which form do you think is best to reintroduce at a later (more digestively welcoming) time? Commercial, concentrated, without pulp? Or what other things I can look for on the box?

 

[Peat's_Girl]

"Stress uses progesterone and can cause menstrual periods to stop. Girls who begin regular exercise (such as dancing) before puberty have later sexual development.” RP

I began dancing at 3 and did that till I started cheerleading at 9 and did that till I was a Freshman in high school and then went back to dancing and started choreographing/coaching Pee Wee cheerleading squads and did that till I graduated. Then I started hiking around 21 till I was 27/28.

So does this mean I'll never develop? To think, I held the secret to never growing old this whole time. I knew my dancing was pure magic! Hehe!

Oh, our dear inscrutable Peat! I think he means intensive athleticism when he means dancing, no? Dancing is such a broad term, but I doubt it would have affected anyone's progesterone levels. Gymnastics and intensive athletics definitely delay puberty (periods, physical development, height) and that's what I think he truly means.

You were also a vegetarian and extremely shy (cortisol) weren't you? There's probably other more important factors that affected the late period for you. I had a very delayed one and I always hated sports and didn't participate in most of them, except the mandatory gym class, so I think it could be something else. What we did share is malnutrition, extreme shyness and vegetarianism.

Hey, Dr. Peat, if you're going to start bashing dancing we're gonna have to take matters into our own hands! *rolls up her sleeves*
Dube sisters unite! ;D We're gonna rough him up for giving dancing a bad name!

 

[pboy]

cant ever diss dancing, I don't think theres any way it would be bad unless you did it when you were famished and emaciated yourself! other than that its great

it was definitely your battle with the turnip jenn, which you've defeated! (good because it has inulin...which means its not supposed to be victorious)

PG13, I think most commercial or concentrates are gonna have some residues you don't want in it. I grew up drinking diluted commercial OJ, and I don't know how bad it was at the time but I guess it was good compared to what else I had access to, and was convenient, but I did have lotta stomach burning and acne and stuff around the times I drank it the most...only many years later now I can put 2 and 2 together. I'm not really sure what to recommend cause I don't want you to hurt yourself...but I can tell you what I do, which ive found works. I use one of those simple hand held squeezers, squeeze each half of OJ but not like trying to force every drop out..just a good full squeeze then when its resisting I kinda just pump it gently then lift it out. In the other hand I have a little tea mesh filiter that I hold under the squeezer, and let the juice go through that with each orange half I squeeze, you'd be surprised pulp makes it through the squeezer, and it has little seed particles sometimes so its nice to catch them. (if theres an visible big seeds I notice when I slice the orange in half I just pull them out before I squeeze them) Between each orange half I tap the filter out onto a paper towel and then just do that til ive squeezed all the oranges I want to drink at the time. Its really pure and tastes good. Per every 8oz orange juice (I use a mason jar so its easy to measure and has wide mouth its easy to squeeze into) ill add anywhere from a 1/4 to 3/4 tsp sugar...usually actually, 3/4 tsp per every 8oz OJ..this makes it to where its not too watery and actually makes it gentle on the stomach. Being that organic oranges are pretty expensive, I usually just go for about 8-14oz OJ a day to cover folate needs and get some vitamin C in there, and all the rest of its goodness. You don't have to add the sugar btw, but it can be good depending on what else you've consumed around the time...if you think you need hydration cause you've had dense foods, just take it straight up, but if you're already hydrated, the sugar actually helps

 

[Jennifer]

"Stress uses progesterone and can cause menstrual periods to stop. Girls who begin regular exercise (such as dancing) before puberty have later sexual development.” RP

I began dancing at 3 and did that till I started cheerleading at 9 and did that till I was a Freshman in high school and then went back to dancing and started choreographing/coaching Pee Wee cheerleading squads and did that till I graduated. Then I started hiking around 21 till I was 27/28.

So does this mean I'll never develop? To think, I held the secret to never growing old this whole time. I knew my dancing was pure magic! Hehe!

Oh, our dear inscrutable Peat! I think he means intensive athleticism when he means dancing, no? Dancing is such a broad term, but I doubt it would have affected anyone's progesterone levels. Gymnastics and intensive athletics definitely delay puberty (periods, physical development, height) and that's what I think he truly means.

You were also a vegetarian and extremely shy (cortisol) weren't you? There's probably other more important factors that affected the late period for you. I had a very delayed one and I always hated sports and didn't participate in most of them, except the mandatory gym class, so I think it could be something else. What we did share is malnutrition, extreme shyness and vegetarianism.

Hey, Dr. Peat, if you're going to start bashing dancing we're gonna have to take matters into our own hands! *rolls up her sleeves*
Dube sisters unite! ;D We're gonna rough him up for giving dancing a bad name!

Haha! I was just kidding, my partner in crime! Dancing is my meditation so I don't think for a second it caused the absent periods. They were also absent before I started hiking or doing 80/10/10 so even those I can't contribute to it. I think it's the Benji Button gene. It means business! It knows I have a Guinness World Record to beat and it's hellbent on making it happen. I only need to make it past that 405 year old clam and I'm set!

 

[Jennifer]

So far things are going great! My temps are still smokin (98.9 daytime), along with my mood and hunger. Since dropping the dairy, I finally have an appetite again. I'm ravenous for fruit sugar, but I notice I crave less protein now. I'll eat a couple ounces of a salted protein like meat/shellfish or an egg with a personal-sized watermelon and I'm good. The clarity I have in my head after a meal like this is what I use to have. It feels like my head can finally breath again and even my vision cleared up. I no longer feel like a blind person with a vice on her head suffocating her brain. It's almost like I'm seeing in technicolor. I get that clarity that fruitarians gush about without the extreme sugar crashes I use to get on that diet.

But the biggest thing is the lack of depression. Guys, I'm just soooo unbelievably happy! I can literally sit in a room all by myself and have this peace in me that's hard to explain. I've had absolutely no anxiety whatsoever since dropping the dairy and upping my fruit intake. I think about simple things like going out with friends and family and I get excited at the thought whereas before, I could of cared less if I woke in the morning. The brain fog and depression really got that bad! It's like I set myself free and it feels so good. I have so much energy, but not at all manic. It's very peaceful energy, like I could concur the world, but there isn't any rush to, if that makes sense?


I've noticed ripe watermelon digests like a dream for me and papaya too! Basically, any of the soft flesh fruits where the tough outer skin is avoided. I'm currently having bone broth and cascara in the morning. I'm hoping this will finally give my gut a chance to really heal so that I can have starch again and broaden my food choices. I need balance in my life. I have a habit of tipping my scale far too much on one side. If something is found to be beneficial, I cram as much of it down my throat as humanly possible. Add to that, I have a natural tendency to get stuck on one food and eat it over and over again, thus my cantaloupe binge that one summer, my sweet potato and squash binge the following winter and my all milk diet. For some reason, I need to pop in a new food every now and then to flick that switch in my brain that says it's time to get my palate acquainted with something new.

Every now and then that health beast starts badgering me, telling me all the things that are wrong with what I want to eat and that I need milk or else my bones won't heal, but I quickly shut it down because of the clarity and lack of depression that I'm experiencing. It's as plain as day that what I was consuming before, despite being very healthy, just wasn't healthy for me. So this log is not an endorsement for fruit over dairy. I don't think one possesses magical properties that the other doesn't. I think it really comes down to what is right for your body and having the courage to follow it.

If I can heal my gut, my next trial will be my beloved Japanese sweet potatoes. They require no condiments in my book, but a few additions make them out of this world. If Amazoniac were describing them, I image he'd say they float on a cloud next to pboy! Hehe! They have this beautiful magenta jacket and a white flesh that turns golden and syrupy sweet when cooked. I use to take a large one and steam it on the stove for an hour or till the flesh was like butter. Make a slit in the jacket, mash the flesh up, add some Aroy-D's coconut cream, salt, onion powder, garlic powder and just a pinch of ginger powder and mix it all up and you have this creamy, caramel sweet and salty, with just a hint of spice, "potato boat." Sooo good! I've even added gelatin powder to it and it actually dissolves the flesh.

Tonight's songs, I used to hear the first one coming from my dad's studio as a child. One of my favorites, Gavin DeGraw, does a great version of it IMHO...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TGUwDShVFUs

And because I can't stop at just one...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BUyDZa3uSYc

 

[tara]

Yay!
Whenever I drink/eat too much milk, I get so foggy and discouraged that I forget that too much milk makes me foggy and discouraged. I've put notes on the fridge to remind me, but I get too foggy to remember to read them, and too discouraged to put it into practice. :)

 

[Peat's_Girl]

I take all the credit for this, of course. >;D

 

[pboy]

one thing that is kind of scaring me is that I'm realizing that I think any potential issues I have with milk are psychosomatic...theres nothing technically wrong with it and I use the best quality, but I'm realizing now that when I'm palating milk...I don't actually let it in, its more of a resistance as I'm taking it down. I think it has to do with literally the fact I cant stomach it. I imagine milk coming from the udder of a cow, and then drinking it straight up and it makes me brace...face pucker and stuff like that. When I think back to when I was a vegan, id never thought id have added milk back in and drank as much as I do now, but I was basically forced to via how emaciated I got and was desperate, but its never sat well with me. Now that my knowledge of food and health has dramatically increased, I'm realizing that yea...if there was any way I could figure out a reliable diet without using milk I certainly would immediately. Its scary to me because ive developed a routine that ive been following over a year now using milk, and the thought of having to cook meals and the inconvenience of that and time it takes would make me have to restructure my life, but yea...on one hand, I'm aware of the amazing qualities of milk and all of its praise in Ayurveda, but then also the fact that I'm simply cant handle the fact that where the milk is coming from is pretty overtly, at least in America, even if the cows are grass fed and all, exploitation. I cant or wouldn't ever even own a pet because I feel bad about every animal being trapped and not allowed to follow its heart and explore life. Cows are shut in fences and basically never get a chance at exploring adventure or sexuality, they have tags punched in their ears and other stuff that like I'm sure if I saw in person (of course factory farming is a million x worse) I wouldn't be happy about it and would feel tremendous guilt consuming the milk. That's what ive noticed when I'm palating milk or brews I make with milk, tis a sense of like...I need this so I don't become emacitated like before, or even go hungry for a day and get weak and delirious or whatever, but at the same time its a nagging but true sense of guilt and shame about what I'm doing, and its like...it feels like my digestive pores don't open up to it kind of thing, like I'm bracing myself and not savoring it, yet swallowing it. I think its really effecting how I digest it, the fluid minerals and sugars are easy but I think the protein portion of it is like not sitting well, and it makes sense....it goes against my instincts and really doesn't make me salivate over it. If I'm juicing oranges, I start salivating like half way through...if I cook a rice dish as I'm preparing it and smelling it, I'm salivating and anticipating it, but whenever I see milk or add it its like..suddenly its my gut bracing rather than a total openness to it. Its a conundrum for me because eating meat is worse...especially beef or anything from a warm blooded animal that has like similar to human emotion. If there simply was a reliable vegan source of protein, if have stopped drinking milk long time ago. Another thing that I find weird, is that...the days recently and before I noted it too...when I drink fresh OJ or just something pure that doesn't have milk, eat a jar of soaked figs or something, I have no desire to smoke like right after it, maybe still at some point during the day, but when I drink milk its like an immediate need, compulsion to smoke, and I think ti has to do with the fact my stomach isn't really totally open and salivating to the idea of milk, so its a heavy slow guilty feeling and I need to like smoke to kick start some level of fire going on down there and empower my mind through it, and in a way, semi block it out...don't taste it on my tongue as much. I also notice...which I don't know if its protective or offensive, but milk leaves like a film or something in my throat, because when I go on fruit for a while and smoke, it seems to go right in, and I actually don't get much or any mucus, but when ive smoke after drinking milk its like its reacting with the milk film and I hock out significantly more...either its protective and blocking some smoke particles, or its actually the opposite...the compellation to smoke is to actually expectorate out the milk film...which seems more likely to be the case right now. Milk also leaves like plaque or just a white residue on my teeth that I find offensive if I don't rinse it out or do something about, and the taste of it after a minute of being on there...a sublte smell is just kinda gross, and I think the immediate need to smoke after consuming milk is in a way to deodorize that. I find it strange how even though smoking may be like, or have...toxins in it, I have no issue about it, and I think its because theres no guilt about it, or shame or anything, its pure in terms of effecting any other being, where as the milk, is pure technically, but I feel bad about it and if I had, or knew a way, id much quicker drop milk than tobacco, without a doubt. Towards the end my my vegan days, I smoked then also, and don't remember having any of the problems with digestion I do these days in terms of anything not sitting well, in fact I had a ravenous appetite. Its interesting you mention how your appetite came way up after limiting or stopping dairy, because the same thing happens to me. Ive been surviving off of it for a wh ile now, but unless I'm like really really hungry, I pretty much just sense low blood sugar but don't actually have an appetite, and yet if I put some rice to cook, as soon as I smell it, appetite comes up, but if I look at a block of cheese or something...I never like salivate. Its a dual thing...on one hand its the promise of pure good nutrition, on the other hand its like my body refuses to salivate over it, which kind of cancels that out to a large extent. I don't mean to be gross here, but like another thing ive noticed is stool size is correlated pretty exactly to the amount of milk protein I'm drinking, and this is days where theres no fiber, so I don't know what to make of that other than I'm not digesting milk protein very efficiently, and I'm sure that is a reflection of the fact I don't get stomach juice or salivation that much with the milk. In fact, ive pretty much been living on drinks that I mix milk into, obviously with other flavors and sugar like how someone might make a latte...so its good enough to get down, tastes good enough, but if I ever simply pour a straight cup of milk, its like...not appetizing at all, yet I consume it if my blood sugar is low because of the near trauma, well literally, I faced a few years back. I'm extremely scared of becoming weak or emaciated, because of all the life issues that caused for me years back, so now its like a trigger to where I never go hungry and am afraid to not on paper have everything covered in fear that ill become emaciated, and yet...knowing what I do now my diet back then had many issues that were more than likely the cause, and the fact I was under tremendous stress and pressure...which was why I didn't have as much time to properly make meals and sleep enough. Alas, milk is amazing and ill always have respect for it, and for cows lol, because they basically saved my life, but at the same time I feel awful about participating in the practice of any kind of commercial dairy operation, even if it is grass fed and organic, just because of the notion that the animals potentially might not be happy doing what they do, and it just seems kind of gross to me to be drinking milk of cows. Things would probably be different if it was my own animal, or like I knew it was done in a way where the animals had absolutely no restrictions or family's broken apart and all that, and no tags in the ear or branding or any of that. Kills my appetite for it, really, or in fact, just doesn't ever stimulate it in the first place. What to do, what to do. I either have to open up to the fact that its somehow ok, id probably have to visit a dairy for a while and really first hand witness this, or more than likely, at least me personally, ill have to find another way to get in nutrition

 

[Peat's_Girl]

Gee, pBoy... It's just freaking milk! ;D
Drink it, don't analyse the intricate process of drinking it! ;3

 

[pboy]

lol, I'm a different breed, I cant just do that. I have a super sensitive heart and gut and like, I literally am living each day in the present in a way that when its over down the line, I don't want to think back and feel guilt about anything I did or didn't have the courage to do in my life. I'm a really chill person, but at the same time pretty intense, I'm hyper aware of everything going on in and around me not just in the present moment but like, I dunno, on an existential level and that spans time. The normal 9 to 5 and being oblivious to life is hell to me

its just me though, other people might be designed in a way that they can stomach things that I cant, which to me is ...other people might say a major burden and hinderance, but I see it as a blessing in a way, I guess i gotta embrace it since its how it is. Of course though...as i said above, ill prevent myself from becoming emaciated or weak or getting into bad situations with physical health, but i guess I'm always striving to feel good on all levels, not just survive. I want to be in the most open state to experience life in its fullest beautiful way, and its very hard to be dilated in that way if theres any sense of guilt at all, even in the deepest nooks and crannies....so i try to stay clean to my core

 

[Amazoniac]

Lord, if you're a bit repulsed by it, it's probably a subtle way of rejecting it but holded by your fear of malnourishment and security; looks a lot like what Jennifer was experiencing.. If your cravings/necessity were intense enough, I suppose that the priority would be your nourishment and everything else would be secondary..

 

[Jennifer]

Yay!
Whenever I drink/eat too much milk, I get so foggy and discouraged that I forget that too much milk makes me foggy and discouraged. I've put notes on the fridge to remind me, but I get too foggy to remember to read them, and too discouraged to put it into practice. :)

Haha! Gosh, not to laugh at your (and my) expense, but it really is hilarious and SO true! I had completely lost my appetite to the point that I didn't eat much of anything for a few days and the fog and depression lifted enough for me to gain clarity to stop the crazy cycle.